Within the past month I've been called a charlatan, divisive, commercial, clueless, unaware, uncaring, etc. Some of these were misunderstandings. I Some were true (I am clueless about many things!). And some were simply unfounded. In years past, I've been told several times I should kill myself. I've been offered a "boob job," told I should "stop writing such senseless drivel and stop the spread of the north American union" (whatever that is), and so much more attacks upon my spirit. Happily, for every unkind comment there are hundreds of beautiful, kind, and loving ones.
Somehow it is all too easy to forget the kind words and let the unkind ones stick... but only if we have "Velcro" for them, the angels say!
Most of you have seen Velcro It's a strip of fabric with tiny hooks on it, that almost every other piece of fabric will stick to - especially a matching piece of Velcro Our spiritual "Velcro" is our own pain, insecurity, and unclarity. If we were 100% rooted in peace and self-acceptance, we'd have none of this "Velcro" and no unkindness would "stick" to us at all!
Our job is not to stop the unkind souls by killing off their perspectives or ideas, or by making them wrong. Nor is it our job to immediately kill off our own ideas by deferring to all others. The fight/flight response IS biologically programmed into us, but we can rise above it. Our job is simply to own our own truth, let others have theirs, and walk away (with no Velcro!) from what does not resonate.
As we look at the unkind statements of the world, whether aimed at us or others, we can look for shreds and kernels of truth, look for the love the person is attempting to bring forth, and disregard the rest.
This process is very much like digestion... and this is why I've had so many digestive problems as I learn to process the world's energies at greater levels!
Ideally, you take it all in, chew it all up, absorb what is useful, and release the rest! I know first-hand, from tough lessons, that when you don't exist in this natural flow of energy it hurts. When you are able, however, to leave your heart open, take it all in, savor what is good and true, and release the rest, you do indeed exist in that peace that surpasses all understanding.
1. Look for kernels and shreds of truth
Try, if you can to look at the message and ignore the "packaging." If someone says something unkind, ask yourself, "Is there any bit of truth to it." Set your ego aside and see if there's anything to learn.
The ego wants to be right. The soul seeks greater love and truth.
2. Look for the love the person is attempting to bring to the surface.
Most of the time, when someone attacks a perspective, they have a strong need for acknowledgment, solidarity, validation, or approval. If they were secure in their view they might come across firmly but they would not need to call names, belittle, or make wrong. They would simply share their perspective with conviction.
Caroline Myss, a great spiritual teacher once said, "True power is inspiring. False power is intimidating." I love that. I've seen it time and again.
So if someone has been mean-spirited or unkind to you, or you witness an attacking missive, pray. Ask to see through "Angel Eyes." "Show me what part of that person's soul needs love. Show me how they are trying to bring love to the surface". It takes surrender, prayer, and practice, but in time you may see the wounded child within, the frustrated angel, the person who cares so much it hurts...
When you see through "Angel Eyes" you can send light to empower that part of their soul that is good, beautiful and true.
3. Let it Go...
It doesn't nourish you to gnaw on a bone with no meat. I love dogs, and dogs love bones... but we're not trying to sharpen our teeth. So when you've done the previous two steps, and you've "digested" the love from an unkind exchange the next thing to do is release the unkind energies from the exchange... and let it go.
There are several ways you can do this: (1) Journal until you get out all your feelings and then burn, shred, or delete the pages. (2) Symbolically wash your hands and see the icky energy running down the drain. (3) Hold a stone or point your hands to the earth and drain off the angry energy into the earth. She neutralizes it. If you are willing, (4) pray for the person and yourself to find peace. Do this until you release any upset. It might take days in some cases, but the goodwill will eventually replace the upset. Love always wins if you let it.
And, if humor works for you, sing Disney's song from Frozen... "Let it Go! Let it Go!"
The world is pretty stirred up now. Everyone has strong opinions. And while that is a good thing, not everyone is sharing them kindly. I hope this helps you find peace, even in the face of unkindness.