"Beneath the illusion of not being 'good enough' almost every human heart has a deep-seated unconscious feeling that they have failed love or failed God." I felt a lump form in my throat and tears rise up from somewhere deep within. "Say more," I asked them. "You cannot fail that from which you are made. You all know this. But deep down, almost every human being – you included – feels that at some point in their existence, in this life or others, they have failed God, failed Love, failed... This is why you are on earth – to realize you are One with Love."
I let their words sit within me, feeling the truth of them, but not quite seeing where I thought I had failed love. I've examined this lifetime in great detail and have forgiven myself for anything less than loving that I've seen. Still, the feelings that came up indicated there was more.
It happened to be the week Amma Karunamayi was in town giving blessings. She is known as an embodiment of the Divine Mother in India and she is the closest thing to Jesus I have met in human form. Her love and compassion are boundless. You get to write down "blessing requests" and then she reads them and gives you energy to assist. I wrote down a request to stand in my light, and to be able to share Divine love with others. Inwardly I asked to see myself through God's eyes.
She touched me, looked deep into my soul with compassion and shut her eyes. The loving power I know as God flooded through her being and blasted me in the kindest way, burning off lifetimes of misunderstanding. Suddenly I saw the misunderstandings and feeling of undeserved guilt I'd carried from past lifetimes. I saw lifetimes in which I wanted so badly to help people, but became disillusioned with their lack of willingness to help themselves. I saw lives where I gave up and got killed due to arguing in public rather than silently remaining loving. I saw lifetimes where I abandoned spirituality and tried to manipulate my way through life. I saw lifetimes where my dreams turned to dust. In each of these, I felt the feeling of failing God, failing love, and failing myself.
These lives flashed before my eyes, until I was propelled into a vision above them all, where I saw myself through God's eyes. I've been here before. All I saw was love – pure blinding unconditional love. All I felt was compassion for this "small self" – the woman who wanted so desperately to be loving but found it too difficult to maintain in some lifetimes. I felt the exquisite tenderness of the source beckoning me home as I journeyed through the eternal matrix of Divine mind, seeking only myself. In this love, I was instantly home again, bearing witness to the perfection beneath all things.
I heard the angels say once again, "You cannot fail that from which you are made..."
It never fails that in weeks following a mystical experience I receive tangible validation in my life. I recently paid a person to make my newsletter more responsive on mobile phones. I thought it would be a good idea to help more people read it easily. It didn't turn out that way! It worked on phones but didn't look as well on as many devices as the old one. I had to go back to the original format.
Angels being angels, they didn't miss a chance to show me the divine coordination in the universe... "See Ann, you don't have to be responsive to everyone and everything in life. The Original You is Enough! You cannot fail that which you are." Giggles. No matter how long I teach, there will always be deeper levels to learn!
Here are a few pointers to help you embrace the fact that you have never failed love....
1. Every night, think of three things you're proud of that day
These can be great or small. Maybe you had one kind thought about yourself, held the door for someone who had their arms full, felt compassion for anoather soul, made a loving dinner, prayed for a stranger. Anything loving counts.
Many of us were subtly trained to focus on what we did wrong, rather than what we did right. If you give yourself credit for the good that you do, it will be easier to embrace the fact that you are nothing less than love inside!
2. Now think of something you're less than proud of and see how you were trying to love
Maybe you got angry at someone. Deep down you were trying to love yourself. Maybe you "messed up" and forgot to do something you promised. You were perhaps trying to do something that mattered more and had just over committed. Maybe you said something you regret. Perhaps you were trying to protect a fragile heart.
While there are always more elegant and loving ways to express love, the desire to love and be loved lives beneath all thoughts, words, and deeds... no matter how far removed they seem from it.
3. Look in your own eyes in the mirror and say, "I am pure love having a human experience."
Statements of truth help to remind and awaken the soul. Use them frequently until something deep within awakens and you feel the magnificence of your being.
I love you all. You are enough. You have never failed.
The sticks, the thorns, the leaves, the rain... none of those have failed the rose. They have only shaped and guided its blossoming.