A very kind woman insisted on giving me a healing treatment a few weeks ago. I didn't really feel a reason to accept, but she was so sweet and insistent that I caved in and got one. It was gentle, loving, and I got a few good reminders from it, but in truth, I can heal myself and I have other healers I resonate with far more. I thanked her and thought that was it.
When I ran into her again the following week, I was surprised when she started to insist that she was going to give me another treatment. It was a generous offer, but I had no desire or guidance to do this, so I politely declined.
She became even more insistent, kindly, but nonetheless completely disregarding my wishes. She told me that she was going to do this, that I needed to look at a lot more to heal my back, that I shouldn't be gazing, and that the way I perceived her energy was not the way I should be.
That was enough for me! I resisted the temptation to get into a match of egos. I didn't justifying my choice, tell her about my ability to heal myself, explain that people that were receiving miraculous healing through my gazing, or share my desire to work with other people with whom I resonate far more deeply. (My dear chiropractor fixed my back in one session later that week!). Instead I took a breath, shut my eyes, dropped into my heart, and found my truth once again. Again, I politely and respectfully declined her offer.
I couldn't believe it! She persisted in sweetly pushing her services on me and making me wrong! I took another breath, dropped into my heart, and very lovingly, but firmly said, "Please forgive me, but I'm going to listen to my own guidance and I am not going to be doing another treatment with you." She replied, "Oh there's not need for forgiveness, but..." and she went on. I stopped the conversation.
It was clear she could not accept my choice. "No," I said. "I am going to listen to my own guidance."I became the rock that wouldn't roll. She left. I did some deep breathing, drained my frustrations into the earth who uses that kind of energy to hold herself together and went on with my day.
I didn't hear from her for weeks. I thought we were done, but one day when I was feeling joyous, I got another phone message, "checking in" on me. I deleted it before I listened to the rest, asked my assistant to call, thank her and tell her I wouldn't be in contact. I don't have time in my life for people that can't accept me as I am, and she had clearly demonstrated a lack of respect for that.
What shocked me was how powerfully her call triggered an upset in me. I couldn't get the unpleasant discussion from several weeks ago out of my mind! Clearly I had something to look at here. There was a gift waiting to be found in all of this.
It isn't pleasant when people trigger us, but it can be a blessing in disguise. The more we see our "buttons" the quicker we can disable them, learn what is authentically going on inside of ourselves, and stand in our loving, authentic power.
I dove within. I realized I've learned to be calm, kind, and firm when people are mean and nasty. I have no problem setting clear boundaries with those who unkindly cross them. But with someone who is otherwise kind and likable, yet disrespectful of my choices, it is still hard for me to walk away.
Sometimes, the angels remind me, we have to walk away from someone else in order to honor ourselves. I realized that was the case here and I was uncomfortable doing it. I liked this woman. I respected her energy. Yet, I have no room in my life for people who don't honor my right to be.
I was simply uncomfortable having to choose between honoring myself and saying "no" to her, or saying "yes" to her and doing something that I clearly knew wasn't right for me. I choose to honor myself. She will have to deal with any disappointment that results and learn from it.
As I made peace with that, the hot button disappeared. I felt only love and gratitude for an educational dance that is over, at least on my end. Should I see this beautiful soul again I'll have no problem being lovingly honest once again. I know now that in the future, even if it is not comfortable, I'll have no problem walking away from those who can't respect my soul, my guidance for myself, and my choices. What a relief!
As the angels often remind me, you would not catch a rose and a tulip arguing that one should be more like the other! We all have our place in creation, some close, some far, but all valuable. Our job is to find out own place and stand in it clearly and lovingly :)
So here are a few tips to help you more authentically discover and live within your truth, even when it's not easy...
1. If you feel upset or triggered, rather than blaming others, go within.
People trigger us. The news triggers us. Our own thoughts trigger us. I have a simple rule in my life. When I'm not happy, I know I'm not being 100% honest with myself somewhere. I journal all my feelings, stream of consciousness, until the truth bubbles up.
Sometimes what I journal looks like highly evolved, conscious introspection. At other times I have an unholy rant, in my journal, in private, venting out what I don't truly mean and would never say to another person. I put a bubble of light around me, ask the angels to "compost and recycle" any negative energy, and let any hurt feelings fly into written words.
Something magical happens when you stop censoring yourself and let your pain have a voice – in private, in a way that hurts no one. Think of it as a highly evolved form of self love to admit you have negative feelings... and to have compassion for yourself as you allow them to naturally work themselves out. By all means if you can authentically shift to something more positive, do so! There are times, nonetheless, when we are not honestly there yet. This is when loving yourself through the upset has value. After ranting and venting in a private journal, truth emerges.
If you turn a crying or angry child away, they get even more upset, but if you pick them up, listen to them, and hold them, in that embrace of love, they start to settle down and move into a more peaceful loving reality. So too for the upset child within us.
2. Once you know your truth, right action becomes apparent
Once you know how you feel, you will know how you want to be treated, what you want to do, etc. Clarity comes from being intimate with yourself. Do what you know to do. Have the tough conversations without an agenda to get anyone to agree, with only an intent to say what is true for you in the kindest way possible. Or, just walk away. It is never our job to "educate" another who hasn't asked for the lesson. It is ok to just leave.
I once watched two innocent children interacting. One hit the other. The second one cried a bit then went to the first. "I don't like you. You were mean to me. I'm not going to play with you anymore." Therein lies truth, innocence, and love, because love does not lie. I can speak a tough truth lovingly now, if I'm put in that position again, without making anyone wrong... as factually and innocently as that little child.
3. If you share your heart with someone and they don't respect it, you know where you belong and where you don't
Years ago I was terribly frustrated with another woman who was trying to push healing treatments on me. I was trying to explain that she actually injured me in a prior treatment, but she wasn't listening at all. I was younger and didn't know what to do. I clammed up and got angry! I didn't know what to say! I went to the angels... "She wouldn't listen to me! What should I have said?" In true angel fashion they replied, "You should have told her, 'I don't feel you're listening to a thing I'm saying' and walked away! Simple, honest, and innocent.
More recently a man I do not know on Facebook sent me a picture of something that should not have been sent. I politely, bur firmly told him it was inappropriate and spam blocked him. "Was there a nicer way I could have handled that?" I asked the angels? "Nicer, no. But more honest yes! You could have been more authentic!" they lovingly chastised me. "How," I pleaded. "What should I have said?" Their reply sent me into fits of laughter. "You should have said, EW! That's disgusting!" Innocent as a child...
So this week do your best – and I will too – to return to that innocent state of childhood where we can say what we mean, deeply, authentically, without an agenda to get anyone to agree, but only a need to express the truth within!
I'm diving even little deeper on this one, challenging myself to find any places where I still worry about what I say, and attempting to return to that state of holy innocence where we can all "be as little children and enter the kingdom of heaven!"