Saturday, April 26, 2014

If you do your part, trust

As you may have read in previous newsletters, I went rough quite a mental struggle about whether or not I was going to fly to CA to film an angel show. My heart won, of course, and I poured every ounce of love and energy I had into preparing both my material and myself for work I had never done before. I had been interviewed a few times, and had done a few YouTube videos, but nothing like 12 episodes of a show!

So as I got on the airplane to go film, after working very hard to get my energy as well as my episodes in order, a great peace came over me. I had done my part, and I knew it was time to surrender and trust. Originally I had been scheduled to film over four days, the guys doing it wanted to have enough time since I was new and we were all anticipating a steep learning curve. But as luck and life would have it, schedule conflicts with other filming projects dictated that I would have only 2 1/2 days to film all twelve episodes. They had kindly offered to reschedule me, but the angels felt I could do it, and a deep commitment inside of me made me believe. So there I was, arriving in CA late in a Friday night with the first several episodes in my head ready to go on Saturday morning.

Getting ready was a small adventure. I had happily agreed to do my own hair and makeup to save costs, but when I arrived at the stuido, the bathroom was small, dark, and the walls were painted brown. As they say, "Necessity is the mother of invention!" A desk lamp, a standing lamp, and finally some stage lights from the nearby warehouse, all wired in with a huge orange power cord made it bright enough to see. (I am counting on computer filters to do the rest!) And then there was the issue of the first outfit I put on - white pants and a beautiful green top. I had not thought about the fact that if I wore green, I would be rendered invisible against the green screen! Oops! Luckily I had other choices! But these things were small, made me laugh, and were easily solved with just a little ingenuity.

As I stood in front of the camera a for the first time, suddenly the energy came on and started running through me with a great force. The material which I was concerned about forgetting while thinking of all the other details of camera work was suddenly clear in my head. And in spite of a few bloopers at first, and a few small mishaps – a train suddenly going by outside and making so much noise, it even went through the soundproof walls, and my iPad with the timer falling over with a loud bang – everything started to flow smoothly. Within a few episodes I was able to do each segment in one take, and to all of our surprise five episodes were filmed on day one, six on day two, and the last one on day three. The only challenge I had was that the energy got so strong in many cases that all I could see between me and the camera was white light – so much so, that it was hard to see the lens!

So when you receive inspiration, and have done your part - even if you have no clue how the rest of the process will work - trust that the power that creates universes will give you the strength and assistance you need to do the rest!

Have a blessed week,
I love you all

ps - When I know more about when the show will be aired, I will let you know too!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Energy first

So many times I have sought out what the angels call "superficial" solutions to life's challenges and yet after working with them for years I know that the most important thing I can do is keep my energy in a balanced and loving space. A little over a week ago as I worked very hard to complete the 12 episodes of the angel show I was about to film I started to get nervous. I wasn't sure I would be able to complete them in time with the other commitments I had as well. So two days before I was scheduled to fly out, even before the work was complete, I took two precious hours out of kept schedule to go visit a wonderful energy worker who helps me when I get a little out of balance. By human standards, there was nothing practical about this. However by angel standards, it was exactly the right thing to do. Of course, once my energy was peaceful and in balance, I was able to easily complete the shows and be prepared and excited to film.

So when you find yourself in a state that is not peaceful, rather than rushing into an equally unpeaceful human solution, stop, breathe, and ask yourself, "what is the most loving thing I can do for myself now? What will bring me back into balance? It may be as simple as getting a good night's sleep, or eating a nurturing meal. It may be having a conversation with someone that is long overdue. It may be seeking out help. No matter what you choose, choose to love and honor your spirit as the precious and divine soul that you are. In the energy of these loving choices, no matter how small they may seem, all starts to go right once again. And the filming? ....more on that next week!

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Doubt be out!

This Internet TV show that I'm working on has propelled me into entirely new realms of growth. I wobbled about it a few weeks. Then I had to take many more days to learn to look natural in front of a camera. Now, a few days before I film 12 episodes, only six are on paper. Its going to be a long night but I have energy, inspiration, and a passion for this that is really bigger than I ever anticipated. I've been praying for years for a way to help share the angels' wisdom with those who can't reach my classes, and nothing has resonated with me until now. This entire thing has been guided, even if I temporarily forgot. And suddenly as I get out of my own way and cast the doubts aside, I feel a mighty force of love flowing through me - so much so that while I was practicing the other day, the golden light filled the room and I couldn't even see the camera! If that happens while I'm really filming I pray the viewers get a good dose of the love too!

However, for awhile even after I realized this was in my heart, the doubts began to plague me. Would I ever be able to look normal in front of a camera instead of stiff and contrive? It is not as easy at it look. I spent several days working at it, practicing over and over. I kept doubting, then casting doubts aside and telling myself, "You can do this!" until at long last I "made friends with the lens!"

Because that took so long, I had only a ten days to put together 12 episodes. It is different than creating one big class. I have to be more precise with my timing, logically ordered, and make time for the opening and closing of each show. And while everyone is telling me to wing it, and I could, I want to give you some very well thought out and designed material. It is fun, but it is also a LOT of work. Again I am telling myself, "You can do it. You can do it!" Just yesterday the doubts finally lost the battle. I now know this is going to come together and even if I don't sleep much its going to be fine and fun. I feel peaceful, confident, and very warm as the energy runs through me.

When I look back at my life, I can now see where I have let doubts interfere with my joy in the past. I have always pushed through them. I doubted my ability to come up with fresh newsletters each week. I doubted my ability to do readings. I doubted my ability to make a living as an intuitive. I doubted my own intuition in my own life at times! It feels amazing to have the energy of doubt, finally up and out!

With God all things are possible, and if God puts a desire to do something in you heart there's a reason even if you don't know why. I don't know why I felt the need to disrupt my quiet, peaceful, well ordered life, to add more work with no guarantees... but I DO know everything about it felt right and when I committed to it, the strength followed immediately.

So when you have a dream, a desire, or a passion, go for it! Commit. Put your whole heart and soul into it. Then see what happens. But just make sure to cast doubts aside along the way, so you can enjoy the entire journey! After all, now is where life happens!

Saturday, April 05, 2014

Beautiful clarity

As you read last week, I was uncharacteristically lost in the throes of confusion! After nearly two weeks of immersing myself in really big energy AND receiving a big initiatory blessing on my birthday from Amma Karunamayi who is known as an incarnation "Divine mother" in India, I knew I was in for some big growth!

Sure enough within days, my entire inner world began to waver. Suddenly I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Old fears came up. Could I even break even? Traveling regularly, giving up work days that paid the bills, not to mention spending hundreds of hours putting together outfits, materials, background screens, meditation videos, etc. suddenly felt daunting instead of exciting. I started to feel crazy for even thinking of disrupting a life that was peaceful and balanced and already working. I decided to wait until I was clear. So far, so good.

However, then my mind took over. I fell into fears from past projects with others in which I gave more than I received. I decided that I was going to do this from home on my own. It made more sense financially. I could film leisurely, not have to "cram" before each trip, and do it all from the comfort of my own home. I emailed the guys involved and regretfully told them I had decided to do this on my own. I didn't hear back.

And then the tears started... massive tears that came from the depths of my soul, as if I were grieving a death! I cried and prayed, and cried some more, trying with all my "mind" to "figure out" why I was crying. I started to look ahead again, wondering which choice was better. I prayed, "Tell me which is better angels! God, let me know what to do!" The angels whispered to me quietly, "Ann, drop into your heart. You already know the answer." They wouldn't tell me what choice was better. I was lost in a very typical human thought pattern of trying to see which external circumstance would benefit me the most, instead of trusting the depths of my heart in the moment. So I changed my prayers. "Dear God, Dear angels, let me know my own heart now. Please." I woke up with absolute and utter certainty that I wanted to do this no matter what. "But will I come out even at least?" I asked. "Commit!" came the rather strong answer.

At long last I understood the lesson. This was not about me "figuring out" what external circumstance would be "best." This was about me trusting God more deeply! It is easy when guidance says, "Go to the grocery store now," and I end up running into someone to inspire while finding my groceries on sale. It is far harder when guidance says, "Invest a lot of time, money, and life force in something and trust that God is creating something wonderful for all." So I committed. I emailed the guys and asked them to take me back. This is where it gets really humorous... The film team had been so busy they had never even had a chance to read the email saying I was quitting. Thank God! God knew better all along. I just had to learn my own lessons. Suddenly the support from heaven opened up. My energy rushed back into my body like a tidal wave. I was able to channel the healing energies even more strongly. And my silly angels are waking me up in the middle of the night playing songs on my iPod that I didn't program... Amazing Grace, Superstars, etc. :) I laughed so hard.

So now I'm committed! I have been working like crazy, learning how to be on camera by practicing at home so I don't waste time when I go out to film. I am working fast and furiously in all spare time to put together 12 outfits, 12 shows, background slides, meditation videos, etc... while working full time. But the energy, the faith, and the confidence are all there.

Years ago I wrote this in my book, "Whispers of the Spirit:"
"With commitment comes the strength equal to the task."

Little did I know that nearly two decades later my own words would guide me! So when you are confused, wait. Pray to know your own heart and until you do, learn from my flip flopping around and do nothing! Clarity is a force of nature. When we are clear the entire universe gets behind us. When we are confused, the angels patiently try to draw our attention to what is true for us. I will not know until I walk down this road, what I would have missed had I chosen otherwise. I only know that my soul was crying for something I have not yet experienced or contributed to the world, and I am SO glad that these tears guided me back to truth... and back to a sense of incredible joy. I'll keep you informed as I continue this journey. For now, you are the first to hear this... "Welcome to Ann & the Angels!