Saturday, March 29, 2014

Handling confusion

People often write me and say the angel messages seemed to speak to them directly. This time I feel the message was aimed at me! I have been uncharacteristically lost in the throes of agonizing confusion this week. By the time you read this I know the matter will have already been resolved, so I'll keep you posted.

I was all excited about filming my angel show in a few weeks, and then I went on my birthday to get a blessing from Amma Karunamayi, known as an incarnation of the "Divine Mother" in India. Suddenly it dawned on me that I had not even considered whether or not I could reasonably afford to do this. Between lost income from days off work, travel expenses, and a huge investment of hundreds of hours of my time to prepare and film, I suddenly realized that although it might be a lot of fun, and could have a wonderful outreach in the future, I didn't know if it was truly in balance with my life now.

And so I did what most of us do when faced with a decision that could be life altering and feels huge in the moment... I got lost in the swirling chaos of my mind. I started doing math, making lists of pros and cons, checking in with other options available, etc. The angels would not give me any answers because they have been lovingly pushing me to find my heart more deeply in the present moment. I understand. As I open my soul to channel more of God's love and miraculous healing energies, I must embrace the moment, because that is where this energy is found.

So on Sunday, pulled in many directions by conflicting thoughts and emotions, I dropped into my heart and discovered I didn't even want to think about the issue at all. Other work called to me. Cleaning out my closet called to me. Preparing food for the week called to me. By the end of the day I certainly was calmer, but still had no answer. I woke up today, on Monday as I write this with still no clarity, and so I proceed to do other work and will spend more time in silence later until the answers make themselves known. I am torn by the human desire to consider what this could be in the future and the spiritual desire to find my heart now. My brain has not completely quieted, and thus there is confusion. Soon I will have my answer. I feel it deep in there, but I must become deeply silent to find it.

So when you find yourselves lost in confusion, first of all breathe! You are human. There is nothing wrong with this condition. It is confusing, unpleasant,and at times, agonizing. However what gives us agony, is the mind giving its power to the external world. The mind seeks to look into the future and guess what life will bring. And while I do often share predictions in my work and frequently see the probable future, the truth is that 7 billion people have free will and many do not act according to their inner compass. In plain words, this means although there can be very likely futures, things can always change based on people's decisions. However, the one thing does not change, and never will, is God's love. So no matter what circumstances we choose, if we choose from joy, we make the right choice for right now. And then we have to remember, that in the very next moment, there is the very next opportunity to choose joy.

It is not easy sometimes, being in public and admitting my humanity with such vulnerability and yet over the years I have come to know that we are all in this school together and at some point in our lives we all face similar lessons. I hope my acceptance of uncertainty can help you embrace yours too with the faith and trust that in time, as we quiet the mind and embrace the heart, all answers are revealed. Next time you get in this space, and don't know what to choose, breathe, relax, and wait for clarity. I'll keep you posted on mine :)

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Check your energy

I frequently check in with myself to see what energy I am putting out to the world. If I have an intention to manifest something and it is not working, I ask myself, “Am I at peace? Am I surrendered? Do I trust this or better will be brought to me in perfect timing?” If the answer to any of those is “no,” I ask the angels for assistance, not in delivering the thing or situation I want, but in getting my energy aligned with my intentions. Sometimes I have to really work hard to replace negative beliefs with more positive ones. I have been known to write the more positive belief I want to embrace on sticky notes and post them all over the house while trying to change a pattern - in the cabinets, the car, my wallet - everywhere I will see them! I ask God and the angels to help me embody and embrace truth at all times. I challenge myself to be honest with myself.

For example years ago I was financially very tight. “I need money,” I prayed! “Forgive your ex-boyfriend,” the angels responded. I thought they had not heard me correctly. “I’ll deal with that later,” I responded. “Right now, what do I need to do to make more money?” I waited for their response. “Forgive your ex-boyfriend,” they persisted. I started getting mad. "I’m not talking about that now. I am asking how to make more money now so I can pay the bills.” I started to feel very misunderstood. “He ran off with money that he owed you. You are feeling lack because of it. You are giving him your power to be abundant. You are making him God. You need to make God your God again.” Oh horror, they were right! He had borrowed a few thousand dollars and run off with it. I was blaming him for not being able pay the bills easily, for not being able to do things, and buy things. Indeed I had made him my God! My mind was saying, “I want to make more money.” My energy was saying, “I am poor because of him.” The angels saw this and wanted me to correct the signals of lack that I was putting out to the universe. I listened. I called him the next day and told him, “I’ve been mad because you took money you said you would pay back and you never have. I don’t know if you ever intend to, but I am no longer going to invest any more of my energy in this matter. I am cutting all ties with you. You can explain your lack of integrity to God at the end of your life.” Finally I felt free. I felt connected to God again. I wasn’t burdened by negativity that was tying me to the very person who lied to me. New class ideas started to pop into my mind. New people started coming for readings. And a week later, he sent me a check. I think I may have been the only woman he ever paid back. I got my energy in alignment with truth and everything started to move.

Likewise, as I open up to new beautiful healing energies, the angels have also told me that I am opening up to everything. And so it was not all that pleasant when I got a little worn out and a bunch of negative entities showed up to stick on me. I went to see a dear soul who sees energy and is a fantastic healer and he promptly sent me into myself to find out what part of my soul harbored a little fear about this and therefore allowed it in. I found a past-life self that was clinging to fear, cleared it and every single negative energy around me promptly left. When there is no energetic match, there can be no interference.

I am not perfect in this by any means. I still find my energetic “blind spots” with each new intention. However, it gets easier and easier to embrace the fact that if something is not working in your life, if you are not happy, then something inside is needing love, attention, and healing. And when that inside of us gets cleared, suddenly our external lives become so much kinder, easier, and better too.

So don’t be afraid to ask for the true help in life. God help me find what blocks me from having what I desire, or what prevents me from having faith that I will. Its an easy prayer, but it does take courage.. because you might just have to dive into deeper realms of honesty. However, the freedom that comes with it, is oh SO worth the work!

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Tell God your plans!

As the saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!" And while I know that God does not laugh at us but only loves us, there is some truth to the idea that whatever we come up with in our human minds as the "best plan" is probably nothing compared to what the loving mind of a God that creates universes can conceive for us.

Years ago when I was an avionics engineer I had no idea my life would turn out as it did today. I only knew that I wasn't passionate about what I was doing. I was working long hours, and I was required to make other people's lives miserable by calling them in to work long hours as well. I had no clue what else I would do. My parents had paid quite a lot for my college education. I was "successful" by other people's standards. But I didn't love my life. So I prayed, "Dear God, help me go to bed grateful, wake up happy, and do something that helps people for a living." Then I proceeded to try to "figure out" the answer to my own prayer.

I decided the only thing I knew other than engineering was Reiki and so I would get a job at a local spa. I called up the spa and made a complete fool of myself on the phone, hung up and felt my life was over! I was trapped in a job I didn't love! Oh the drama! I laugh looking back. That day, to console myself, I took off hiking. I climbed Camelback mountain and when I looked down at the city of Phoenix, and its huge grid of roadways, I heard the angels telling me that there were many paths to a destination. I had been so narrowly focused on one I thought that was the only solution for me. God had a much bigger view. So finally, I let go. I embarked on a journey of personal growth that eventually led me to the life I am living today. It wasn't an overnight revelation or a sudden insight. When I first felt energy, that was a sudden revelation! I knew I wanted to know all about it! But what to do for a living was an entirely different question.

I joke that my current job started in a ladies room. I had been doing readings at a Halloween party that my mentor insisted I attend. I argued with her that I was not good enough to do readings in public yet. She basically said, "Too bad, you are going to do it!" So there I was - scared stiff and doing readings anyway! When I finally took a break and went to the ladies room, I overheard the gossip from the next stall. It was a woman's voice, saying, "I just got a great reading from that girl at the corner table." I sighed with relief! She was talking about me! Suddenly it seemed possible that I could make a living doing what I had come to love. This same dear mentor pushed me to apply for a job as "psychic in the window" at a local metaphysical bookstore. I surrendered, prayed like crazy to do a good job, and got the job.

And so the story continues until this day... nothing I once imagined about how my life would look came true, but everything I wanted and more was presented. In fact, here I am again, soon to embark on a new adventure of filming an internet TV show. I didn't "make" this happen at all. I have to do a lot of work now that it has been presented to me, but I had little to do with the Divine timing that arranged this opportunity.

I tell people about their futures often in readings, but as for mine... I like not knowing. I think of a life lived in anticipation of God's miracles and goodness as a journey of unwrapping the Presents of the Presence :)

Saturday, March 08, 2014

Practicing positive focus

I've been in a huge lesson on focus as of late. Some of you read this on Facebook. I had a big computer problem with my new website. The menus suddenly stopped working. I called customer service 1 who referred me to customer service 2 who referred me back to customer service 1. Tired of getting the run-around, I quit focusing on the problem and gave it to God. I proceeded to work on other aspects of the site that worked. Two days later I got the sudden urge to call customer service 2. The man who answered the phone couldn't solve my problem but suddenly I felt motivated to tell him what I did for a living. There was silence on the other side of the line and then he explained quietly that his father had passed away just a month ago. Suddenly everything made sense. I was able to communicate with his dad and have a very healing conversation. I felt wonderful, abundant, and joyous in my soul after seeing God's perfection once again. And my problem? I was guided how to edit the php.ini file as suggested by customer service 1 (don't ask me to explain what it does!) and suddenly my menus worked.

Likewise, last night I had no clue how I would achieve all I needed to do today. I asked the angels to help me want to exercise since my body needs it but I was not inspired. I asked for help answering emails, doing my newsletter, working on the upcoming show, getting some website work accomplished, cooking, etc. The "honey do" list was rather long. To my complete amazement, I woke up at 3:30 wide awake, craving a workout! I was at the gym before dawn, joyfully walking on the treadmill to crazy fun country music. Its 8pm as I write this. I've answered 130+ emails so far today, done my accounting, paid the bills, organized the office, juiced a sinkful of grapefruit, cooked for the next two days, and even got work done on the show at one of my favorite places - the local butterfly garden! In the midst of soaring music and tiny soaring miracles of nature, my soul soared, and the topics for the first 12 episode poured forth effortlessly. I think I've just found a new "satellite office!" I work best when surrounded by nature. Its still early enough to work on the website too. The most amazing part is that today has felt so unhurried and graceful. I have been present and focused in the moment, and the moments are flowing with grace.

So although I joke that I need 72 hours a day, the regular 24 does just fine when I stop focusing on what I can't do and get going on what I am inspired to do. I tell God when I need money for projects that are on the drawing board, but in truth when they pop to the top of my priority list, the money is always there. I have massive faith and trust in God's love. I feel it daily, not just coming into me, but flowing from me. Energy breeds more energy, and the more I do with love, the more energy is available to love.

I catch myself from time to time doing things without passion and I must adjust. Had I tried to work on the show at home, I would not have felt so wonderful. Instead, sitting in a misty bamboo glen with giant Costa Rican blue butterflies skimming my forehead, somehow made work seem like a treat. Had I forced myself to exercise it would have been a chore, but asking for inspiration made it seem like play.

So try, try, try to avoid focusing on what can't be done, and instead ask for help with what you wish for. God does care. The angels are there. And you are loved beyond any human ability to comprehend :)

Saturday, March 01, 2014

When desires hit, get going

Last year I was content not to attempt any new projects. I had just finished over fourteen years of caring for my dear doggies and needed a year of rest. I wandered where my heart drew me, going to events where I basked in the light, spending time in nature, and doing my regular work of course. I had no desire to start anything new.

Suddenly all that has changed. I have HUGE desires. I am redoing my website and learning a new way to do it. I am preparing for my upcoming internet show... filming starts in just a few months! How exciting! After that I have plans for books, more photography projects, you name it! I feel like I have inhaled and can't take in enough air! I feel passionately inspired to live life in love and live more fully each day.

My bursts of inspiration, desire, passion, and activity, always follow my periods of dormancy. I used to joke that if I sat on the couch in the evenings for a few month's watching the Food Network, some new creative project was sure to follow. The idea for my first book came to me when Jesus appeared to me as I floated on a raft in my swimming pool. I spent a week laid up over the holidays and popped into heaven on New Year's eve.

So the trick to manifesting a happy life isn't to "force" yourself to do things when you have no natural desire to do so. The key is to listen to yourself - to rest when you are in need of rest, to take down time when that is what your soul is whispering, and then when the desires and urges to get things done hit you, go for it! No excuses.

I have plenty of excuses why filming my show this spring is inconvenient. My new website will not be done by them. I have a full client load, days of live-stream gazing that I wish to do, a springtime of flowers to enjoy, money has been spent elsewhere... etc. But when my heart said, "It is time," the excuses dropped away. Suddenly I woke up wanting to book flight and suddenly Southwest airlines offered their lowest fares of the season. I am so excited I can barely handle it. There is SO much work to be done, more than I have any idea how to do in the time I must do it. That doesn't matter. God's love is a mighty force driving me from within. God's love drives you too.

So if you are in a dormant phase, rest. But if you have desires in your heart, get going! Take the first step, if only a simply acknowledgment and a prayer to God asking what to do next. And then watch the waves of grace pour into your life, carrying you onto the shores of Love :)