Saturday, November 29, 2014

Love even when you disappoint

One of the hardest things I had to learn about love, angel-style, is that it doesn't mean I will please everyone else. Over and over the angels worked with me to see how throughout my life I had tried to make everyone else happy whether or not that meant sacrificing my own well-being, finances, balance, etc. Like many of us, I learned, not so much in words, but through cultural programming, that love was what we feel for one another and what we do for one another.

Love, according to the angels is so much more - an acknoweldgement from the Divine light within me that the Divine light exists within me and all souls – no matter how I am feeling or acting, and no matter how they are feeling or acting.

The angels say love is a state of being in which all things are allowed to be who they are. That's not so easy when something you need conflicts with something someone else needs. This is usually where we drop into the adrenal fight or flight response - defending our right to be, or withdrawning timidly from the situation. Although those responses are conditioned, neither is necessary. We can learn to be kind and loving as well as honest with each other at much deeper levels. I never lied, or so I thought, but in truth I was not always deeply honest with myself and therefore everyone else in my life. I used to have a terrible time expressing my own heart if it meant disappointing someone else.

The angels taught me that we can risk disappointing another if we have the trust that God has a bigger plan that includes taking care of everyone...even if we are not the instrument of that care at the time. While that sounds easy, given our programming it isn't always.

Last week a dear family member asked me if he could pay me to redo his website. I able technically able to do these things. But quite honestly I'm max'ed out in terms of what else I can add to my life and still stay in balance. So in spite of a desire to help and the ability to do so, I had to kindly decline. Athough I know this person still loves me, I know it was disappointing for them. But I had to maintain my own personal integrity and well being. I know this dear one will end up using one of the referrals he has and will end up with a beautiful website. I also know that someone else who can use the work will receive it. And I will maintain balance in life. So was this love... to have to disappoint someone I care about? The angels would say yes, because it was kind, honest, and without any defense or flight whatsoever.

When you find yourself in a challenging situation in which you might have to disappoint another, start by being honest with yourself. Then with love and compassion, without fight or flight, be honest with the other person. It is then their choice to love you still or not... you have already done your job and found that fine line between loving yourself, and loving the other. We all have a right to "be" exactly as we are. We all have a right to want what we want... and when we are honest our interactions become more clear, honest, and loving as well.

I hope you all had a beautiuful Thanksgiving. I am thankful for all of you :)

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Manifesting my miracle

I've been through a journey this past week unlike anything before. As I filmed the next Series of "Ann & the Angels" I was forced to practice everything I preach at deeper levels than ever before. The results in my life and my heart are exquisitely beautiful in spite of the depth and challenge of the lesson..

I got on the flight to California, feeling wonderful in my body and excited in my heart. I got off an hour later with a twisted ileocecal valve (twisted intestines), bloated like a walrus, and in excruciating pain. I've had this condition a few times ever since fear triggered it in 2012 when a neighbor's house caught on fire, and some challenges in a friendship triggered it again a year later. The one time I went to a clinic, they told me it was life threatening and wanted me to rush to the Emergency room. I declined and healed it on my own.

Ever since then I've had to be more careful with what I eat. Apparently something I ate did not agree. In any case, I barely made it to the hotel. I called the film team and told them I was not sure if I'd be able to film the next day. They agreed to visualize healing with me and we all decided to wait and see how things went. I tried not to panic, called a friend who offered me some human comfort, and started to pray.

I faced my worst fears that night in the hotel room - of being alone and in unbearable pain. I was in a city I did not know, with no healers I knew, no medicines, no natural remedies, and in a pain so strong I could barely breathe. Spasms of pain went through me in waves, each one worst than the last. I had no car, and no way of knowing how long the problem would last. In the past it has been four or five days before I felt any relief at all, and at least a few weeks before I could eat normally.

In the midst of my prayers, I realized I was about to film a show on manifesting and creating miracles - a show in which I share that when "you don't know how, God does." Clearly it was time to practice everything I was going to preach. I had asked to manifest perfect health. Now was my chance.

I focused on being in the studio the next morning. Fears assaulted me non-stop for the first few hours, but every time one came up, I imagined breathing light into it and gave it to God. I had fears of not healing, not being able to film, not being able to fly home, messing up my show entirely, fears of having to go to the ER and pay for it forever, fears of never being completely well again, not being able to bear the pain, disappointing everyone I wanted to serve... I was besieged by a barrage of lies, but one by one by one, I sent them away.

I faced lifetimes worth of illusion - lifetimes when I was tortured, lifetimes when I was left alone to die... The sensations were as real as if that were the case, but I kept affirming truth, "God is with me. God is in me. There is no separation between me and perfect health. I am not and cannot be alone because love lives and abides in me and breathes life into me."

After a few hours of this "dance with internal demons," the fears calmed. I was able to focus more clearly on the desired outcome. I imagined filming happily. I recalled what feeling good felt like. I breathed slowly and deeply, and invited all the healers in spirit and the angels to help me. WIth each painful spasm I breathed more deeply, surrendering to it, as if I was in labor trying to embrace the contractions. I completely surrendered my will to God's. "Thy will be done." If God wanted me to film I would. If not I would not. I started to feel that blissful peaceof mind that comes with totally trusting in a greater Love.

When at long last, I was completely peaceful in spite of the pain, I looked in my own eyes in the mirror until I could see the light of God within them, affirming from the depths of my heart, "This light is the truth. This light is the truth of my being. No matter what I see in front of me, no matter what I feel, God's perfection lives within me." I became deeply silent, deeply present, and looked at that light in my eyes until I felt it moving through my body, beginning to heal me.

By 5am the next morning, in spite of being awake and in pain all night, a surge of energy rushed through me and I felt excited, passionate about filming, and knew, in spite of still looking like a walrus from the waist down I could do it. We decided to just do as many episodes as I could even if that meant not getting through the entire series. As I got in front of the camera, something magical started to happen. I felt my love for the material, my love for the viewers, and an overwhelming love and gratitude for the grace of God which had me arrive safely at the other side of my worst nightmare. Suddenly there was nothing but energy and information flowing through.

I filmed five episodes that day and was able to eat normally. The next day I fit in my regular clothes more easily and was able to film five more. By the time we got to day three I was feeling positively euphoric, amazing in my body, and flooded with the grace and love of God flowing through me. I got my miracle healing. I felt washed clear of lifetimes. I can't even describe the sensation of not having fears, that I didn't even know I had before, gripping my body.

And better yet, this series on "Manifesting with the Angels" is now imprinted with the energy that it teaches, imbued in the healing energy of God creating a real miracle for me in my life, even as I filmed. I have no idea what possibilities this will offer the viewers but I feel it is transformational. I may look a little tired and trip over my words a few more times in the first few episodes, but the energy is amazing.

There are times when it is time to face our worst fears - when we get ill, when life falls apart, when someone we love betrays us. In these challenges, when we don't know how to get through the darkness, God does. The angels and the eternal constant Loving Source that breathes life into the universe are there at all times, waiting to bring life and light back into the situation. If we do our part, working with our own minds and hearts to align with truth, and if we surrender to a higher will in these times, absolute miracles are possible God knows how to transform any situation - beautifully, quickly, elegantly, and in a more loving way than we might ever imagine.

I feel alive, connected, and blissful right now as I feel the love of God flowing through my heart. Some big old blockages have been set free, and with them, the light that wants to animate our lives is flowing through mine. I've worked all week, put up the Christmas decorations, and am looking forward to cooking my Thanksgiving dinner with true gratitude and deep love. I cannot wait to see what comes of this... I know it is going to be very, very beautiful.

So, when you don't know how... God does. This week, try remembering this simple truth, in all things great and small.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

What comfort zone?

Comfort Zone? What comfort zone?!! I joke about that all the time. Ever since I left my nice normal life two decades ago I have honestly continued to step beyond my comfort zone. I was terrified of doing readings the first three years I did them! I was not sure I could speak in public and 75 people showed up to my first lecture so I had to focus on serving them rather than my fears! I wasn't positive I could teach anything useful and apparently I can :)

Last year I left my comfort zone again when, after gazing many times with Braco, I started having energy come through me that way as well. I was both delighted and incredibly uncomfortable when people started receiving healings and having transformative experiences. Who was I to channel such energy? But the angels said, "Do it," so I did. I forced myself to tell people in spite of being scared of admitting this was happening, and beautiful things have occurred.

This year I pushed myself even farther and made myself learn "how to look natural" in front of a camera so I could film my "Ann & the Angels" show. It didn't come naturally! I had to practice for days and read everything on the internet I could find. I can't count the number of times I was near panic, having scheduled filming dates in April and realizing that in March I still felt awkward, tongue tied, and fake in front of the lens! I had to grab my mind and silence any negativity. "I can do this!" I kept telling myself. More doubts... "I can do this!"

But there was one thing I was definitely not comfortable with and that was doing a professional photo shoot. My dear friend and client Alba Elena is a magical photographer. She captures the heart, soul, and essence of her subjects. She has been offering to take photos of me for years! I kept putting it off. I wasn't getting enough sleep and had bags under my eyes. I was tired. I didn't have time. I had every reason for not doing it. In truth, I just didn't feel ready. I have pictures of myself all over the place, but most are "selfies" taken into the woods, and it often takes dozens of selfies to get one good one! I am sometimes, accidentally photogenic, but more often, I am not. And while some may argue, I have proof that I won't be sharing in public :)!!

Nonetheless a few weeks ago it felt like the right time. I had a day off. Alba had time and we met in a delightful wooded area with the sun filtering through the fall leaves. This dear angel quickly made me forget we were doing something "serious" and turned the photo shoot into a session suited for two little girls playing out in nature. "Give me that soft gaze energy," she told me. I dropped into my heart, surrendered my consciousness and felt the love starting to flow. Click, I heard the camera, and Alba captured the moment in the photo above. For the first time in my life I saw myself through the eyes of someone who was looking for the magic in my soul, and it was transformative. It has changed the way I see my "external" self.

So when you feel uncomfortable doing something, but want to do it anyway, don't let that stop you. Don't let fear of messing up, or fear of being uncomfortable, or fear of not being able to... prevent you from living your life. Embrace life. Give it a try. The worse you can do is fail... or get a bad picture! And the best? Well you may just start to see yourself a little differently :)

Love you all! Have a blessed week.

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Miraculous humble moments

Like everyone else, I get caught up sometimes in the need to produce... my website, my newsletters, my Facebook pages, my show... you name it, I always have some project, and usually many in the works. However, the angels constantly remind me that when I suddenly become weary or am not doing my work with love I must either choose to bring love to the situation or put the work down for awhile and do something else that I can love. It is true, in some of the most mundane moments of life, I have felt the most enlightened states of awareness.

Earlier this year I took a break from working on my show to go fold laundry. I was sitting there feeling happy because I had just purchased soft new towels. They were warm out of the dryer. They smelled good, and as I folded them with love suddenly I was overcome by a swirling energy that whirled around me, spiraled in front of me and entered my solar plexus. It expanded within me, warming me and running through me like a river. I ran to the mirror and I was glowing gold, feeling beautiful in my own skin and wondering what on earth, and why on earth this blissful energy chose to enliven me while I was doing something so simple. The angels were funny. "You were present. You were happy. You were in love with the towels." I laughed!! Yes, I was feeling the love at the moment and I was intensely present. At those moments, big beautiful energy is easily embraced.

Just last week I was reminded of the beautiful kaleidoscope tapestry of life and how it is all so rich with love in both the deep dark places and the blissful heights.

I did a reading for a beautiful family who tragically lost their son, and was touched to the core by the depth of their love even in their pain, and the deep desire of their dear one in spirit to connect with them even more meaningfully than he was able to do when alive.

Still raw with their love and pain I sat on the couch after work where I soon felt the warm embrace of my grandfather and my angels. I saw my grandpa smiling at me and burst into tears. It was such beauty to feel the tender and kind touch of spirit after swimming in so many other energies. Ironically his last name, and my original last name is "Nagel"... I joke "angel with two wires crossed!"... I sat there, tears of love streaming down my face, until it dawned on me I had to get up and get the mail. "We'll walk with you," he said to me, and the warmth surrounded me even as I got up and ventured out into the beautiful night.

It is only a block to the mailbox, but with my heart full like this it is a miracle mile of magic and wonder. Chris Spheeris's song "Walk with Me" starte playing in my head as I felt an entourage of angels walking by my side. A grasshopper on the sidewalk looked up at me with wide-eyed wonder under clouds lit like luminescent pearls against the starry night and moonlit sky...

I inhaled the crisp air deeply and inhaled the love that swims and breathes and pulses in every crack and corner of creation and deep within every human heart. Beauty, everywhere, in the simplest spaces in life... in a broken heart, a tender touch, a sweet song, in the eyes of the tiniest creatures, and in the vast night sky. So much life to be grateful for....

This week, embrace the smaller moments, and focus on love when you can. We are meant to have a love affair with life, even in its most meek and humble moments.

Saturday, November 01, 2014

The universe is making love to you

So many of us wait for the "big things" in life before we allow ourselves true joy. When the bills are paid, we'll be happy. When we get a new job. When we find a relationship. When we have "X" in the bank. When our body is healed. When our kids / spouses / parents / coworkers treat us better, or treat themselves better. There are a million reasons for putting off happiness, many of them very socially acceptable and very understandable.

However the angels have taught me a different way to live - to seek happiness in every small moment that we can, and to ask myself, "How can I love myself more right now?" or if I am feeling full and able, "How can I share more love with the world at this very moment?"

I've been working really hard with this Internet show and I love it! However I also know I need to keep in balance so last weekend I scheduled a few days off. I went up to Sedona to see my friend Summer Bacon channel. I visited friends, and I was SO excited to wake up Saturday morning for my annual hike to see the fall color in the forest! I look forward to this day every year, and even more so to the glorious pictures I am able to capture. It is a photographer's paradise!

Life had other plans! I woke up Saturday and it was pouring rain in Sedona. I had a moment of discouragement but quickly shifted my thoughts. I focused on the beauty of the rain and prayed for the weather to clear while enjoying the crisp, damp autumn air. I got in the car while it was still raining, intending as I drove that the skies would clear. Sure enough, as I pulled into the parking lot of the trail, the rain stopped. Even without the sunshine I knew it would be wonderful! I was so excited. Overcast days create a different kind of softer beauty.

Two feet into the hike I turned my camera on and discovered it had suddenly stopped working. No amount of resets worked. The battery was fine. The memory card was fine. The electronics had simply malfunctioned. I started feeling very sad, but suddenly remembered that one of my angels had given me the thought to toss my very old camera into the backpack. It works... sometimes. So even though 3 mega-pixels feels somewhat primitive by today's standards, I decided to be happy that I had a camera that was functioning at least part time! Having released my expectations for a glorious sunny day and a working camera, I was able to enjoy the beauty of the forest that was still dripping dry, and scented with mother nature's perfume of wet pine and moist earth.

More seriously, I pulled my back in early August chopping up a tree that a storm blew over. For ten weeks following, I had little to no feeling in my left hand at best, and most times it was in screaming pain. I had to sleep sitting up so I could stand it for several weeks. And while I channel miracle healings for others I wasn't quite able to find that energy for myself.

Nonetheless, life didn't stop. I focused on every good thing I could focus on, and in those moments when I felt love, I didn't feel pain. When I focused on my clients I didn't feel pain. When I focused on the beauty of nature I didn't feel pain. When I took an 8 mile hike I felt a little but not nearly so much. And miraculously, one day after I decided I was ready for a miracle, I gazed and allowed the energy to run through me like a river, and had the sudden inclination to stretch and twist a certain peculiar way. My back popped back into place, and instantly there was relief!

So even when things aren't right in your life, or when life does not meet your expectations, love is everywhere. There are wonderful things to enjoy in every moment, even when we have to search for them. Why is it a splinter can ruin our day and yet the sunshine and brilliant fall foliage does not fill us with such absolute delight that we remain ecstatic? I think we have been trained to focus on what is not working. As we retrain ourselves to focus on what is beautiful, good, and true, we find the joy that is there all along. We realize that the entire universe is making love to us!... Not in some human sense, but rather in the sense that glorious Life itself offers us its best for the taking.

So while it may not be easy to shift your focus, try it. I think of it as exercising my mind. This week see if you can do your best to acknowledge your feelings first, because we must give love even to those sad and upset parts of ourselves, but then, instead of wallowing in our pain and problems, seek out the silver lining; seek out the good; seek out the simple pleasures.

The scent of a beautiful rose once turned my entire life around during a very dark time. It reminded me of all that was beautiful on this earth. And in that instant, a doorway opened up for God to reach in and work with my heart.

Your portal to love might be a cup of coffee, a sunset, a smile on a child, a dog, the feel of grass under your feet, dark chocolate, a delicious pumpkin soup, the chill in the air... love is everywhere. Consciously allow yourself to slow down and enjoy life's pleasures this week, even if they seem tiny and insignificant. No loving moment is ever wasted, the angels remind us. In fact these moments are pure gold.