Saturday, August 16, 2014

Letting go to receive

Every now and then a song completely grabs my heart. The one in the video below did that recently, "I don't dance," Is a song about a man who is giving up what he "didn't do" for the love of a woman. The reason it touches my heart is because I have given up all I thought I once was to discover a love greater than I ever thought possible - a love that lives in every crack, corner, and crevice of creation... and inside our own hearts.

Two decades ago if you had asked me who I was I would have said, I am an avionics engineer. I am religious. I am married. I am "smart." I thought psychics were full of nonsense, and I thought the "woo woo" people were really weird. I thought I had my whole life planned out.

Little by little, I admitted to myself that in spite of having everything I thought I needed to be happy, I was empty, lost, and lonely. And thus began the journey of seeking happiness that led me to shed so many layers of identity. I gave up my marriage, my dogs, my career, my home, my judgments, my unworthiness, my forgiveness, my arrogance, my anger, my pain and sadnesses from the past, indeed all that defined me. I gave up my need to identify with being "the smart girl" and learned to turn off my brain so I could access a greater intelligence. I gave up my need to be "in control" of everything so I could surrender to a greater ease. I gave up my need to "save" and "fix" people so I could truly be of service. I gave up my "disease to please" so I could live more authentically. The more I let go, the more I received.

There will always be more to let go. We are, after all, human! Just a few weeks ago when the storm hit my house it took every ounce of will power not to get into drama, but instead to choose peace, ease, grace, and joy in spite of the impact to my time, bank account, and emotions. I'm glad I did. As I write this a/c repair guys are inspecting my attic for leaks in the duct work. I'm not leaking my energy over it!

It does take will power to release what does not serve us. Our cultures supports drama, victimhood, martyrdom, and a whole host of other unhappy behaviors and beliefs. It takes courage to look at yourself and say, "This isn't working." Let me choose a better situation, better thoughts, or a better way of dealing with life. It takes courage to say, "I trust God. I do not have to be in control of everything once I've done my part." People may not understand or support you in releasing the culturally accepted patterns in exchange for higher truth. It doesn't matter. As we let go, we gain. As we release we are embraced. As we discard the illusions, we walk in greater truth.

My letting go didn't happen all at once. It happened one small decision at a time. And it wasn't always easy. It was once hard for me to let go of my scarcity mentality long enough to pay $3 for a cup of coffee. It was once difficult to say, "I can't do this," to someone even when I was near exhaustion. It was once hard to sit still and rest. And yet with each tiny choice to let go of what no longer served, a greater light and greater joy came into my life.

As the angels say, "When you open to a trickle of love, soon it becomes a stream that runs into the rivers, that cascade into oceans of love." See if you can let go of a few thoughts that don't make you happy this week, a few tendencies towards drama, or a few self-criticisms. Trade them in for better ones, and as you do so, notice how greater joy is and always has been there waiting to be embraced.

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