Saturday, June 07, 2014

Worlds within...

The adventure in ridding myself of the effects of the fibroids continued this week. Some of you have already read this on Facebook, but the story bears repeating here. Over two decades ago, when I first started praying for God to change my life, books on shamanism fell off the shelf even before the books on angels. I learned to journey into the dream spaces and converse with my guides for healing, information, and sometimes just to enjoy their love. And so suddenly without any thought last week I was compelled to take out some copal (wonderful smelling pine resin) that I brought back from Peru in 1997, get out my feathers and used the sweet smelling smoke to clear the energy in my home and aura. Next up was to drag out my shaman drum and use it as I once did - as a meditation tool - like a heartbeat that relaxes the mind and brings me inward.

And then the visions began - archetypal images of the dark and light within. I saw imagery of the creative, feminine, see-er and be-er within me, and then darker imagery of the crazy martyr within who felt it perfectly OK to sacrifice my own well being for the sake of others. I saw these two forces within vying for constant attention and power, and knew that they must exist in balance. I were too slanted on the side of just be-ing and having visions, I could forget my service. If I were too slanted on the side of the martyr I could forget myself and take on others' pains... I realized that this was the source of the fibroids as well. And so I honored both forces for what they had taught me, mediated between these seemingly conflicting energies, and asked them to help keep me perfectly in balance.

Huge energy started coursing through my body as I stopped pushing away that dark crazy side of myself willing to hurt for the sake of helping others. Jesus was called to that. My martyrdom was learned, not guided. So often Jesus has appeared to me or in clients' readings telling us to "Get down off the cross - that was my job." It is easy to say, "Oh yes, I know that," and yet many of us have a tendency to think it holy to hurt for the sake of others. I saw clearly that my willingness to put up with all sorts of pushing myself and allowing others to push me in the past just to make everyone happy had created hardened little warrior spirits within me that manifested as fibroids. I felt warmth swirling around them, and heat and I knew that the energy that held them in form was dissolving with every breath and beat of the drum.

Feeling full of life, I prayed for the earth, the creatures, the rain in dry areas, and all of you who have requested prayers. The more I prayed, the more I felt as if a huge river was beginning to flow through my being once again. Although I was pounding a steady rhythm on the drum it began to sing, very melodious tones and the smoke from my copal began to wildly swirl around me carrying away with it those energies no longer needed.

As I did more journeys into the dream, I saw a spirit guide of mine that I have not seen in over twenty years. He left one day... way back then and told me he would be back when I had finally learned to be gentle with myself. I was overcome with love and gratitude and he guided me through a visionary scene of rebirthing in the dream, and left me feeling strongly rooted between heaven and earth and wonderful in my body. By the next morning the fibroids had shrunk to the point I don't even feel them. I am ecstatic.

There are whole worlds within you. Visionary experiences are often an out-picturing of the energies within your own spirit. If you have a pain, ask it to take the image of a being and then have an inner conversations, asking it what it needs from you and thanking it for all it has taught you. By allowing these invisible energies to become visible in your imagination, you can work with them, negotiate with them, and allow your higher being - your true light to shine into those areas that you have cast aside and made separate. And in gathering these unknown and unseen energies back into the arms of love, you heal and transform them.

This week I saw the crazy martyr trying to suck me back into that reality, trying to make me ignore my own well being and push myself. But instead of pushing that side of my being away, I I thanked her! "Ah you are just trying to make sure I don't forget why I'm on earth. Thank you!" And with each acknowledgment, the urges to push myself would go away... temporarily, and the heat and warmth flooded me once again. What we are willing to look at and love we can heal. What we push away becomes larger and more insistent, vying for our attention in unhealthy ways.

So this week, go within. Ask the hidden parts of your spirit to reveal themsevles...maybe the wise ones, or as I did perhaps the ones causing you trouble, sabotaging your dreams, or creating illness. Honor and love them for the gifts they brought you. That's it! Just honor them. All parts within us are seeking love. All parts within us want to be acknowledged for their gifts. Just like souls outside of our being, the energies within us are also, no matter how awkwardly, seeking the light. These practices are just tools - ways to access the pieces of our soul that we have pushed aside, and bring them back, lovingly, into the arms of God where all wisdom, all healing, and all good manifestations take place.