Saturday, March 29, 2014

Handling confusion

People often write me and say the angel messages seemed to speak to them directly. This time I feel the message was aimed at me! I have been uncharacteristically lost in the throes of agonizing confusion this week. By the time you read this I know the matter will have already been resolved, so I'll keep you posted.

I was all excited about filming my angel show in a few weeks, and then I went on my birthday to get a blessing from Amma Karunamayi, known as an incarnation of the "Divine Mother" in India. Suddenly it dawned on me that I had not even considered whether or not I could reasonably afford to do this. Between lost income from days off work, travel expenses, and a huge investment of hundreds of hours of my time to prepare and film, I suddenly realized that although it might be a lot of fun, and could have a wonderful outreach in the future, I didn't know if it was truly in balance with my life now.

And so I did what most of us do when faced with a decision that could be life altering and feels huge in the moment... I got lost in the swirling chaos of my mind. I started doing math, making lists of pros and cons, checking in with other options available, etc. The angels would not give me any answers because they have been lovingly pushing me to find my heart more deeply in the present moment. I understand. As I open my soul to channel more of God's love and miraculous healing energies, I must embrace the moment, because that is where this energy is found.

So on Sunday, pulled in many directions by conflicting thoughts and emotions, I dropped into my heart and discovered I didn't even want to think about the issue at all. Other work called to me. Cleaning out my closet called to me. Preparing food for the week called to me. By the end of the day I certainly was calmer, but still had no answer. I woke up today, on Monday as I write this with still no clarity, and so I proceed to do other work and will spend more time in silence later until the answers make themselves known. I am torn by the human desire to consider what this could be in the future and the spiritual desire to find my heart now. My brain has not completely quieted, and thus there is confusion. Soon I will have my answer. I feel it deep in there, but I must become deeply silent to find it.

So when you find yourselves lost in confusion, first of all breathe! You are human. There is nothing wrong with this condition. It is confusing, unpleasant,and at times, agonizing. However what gives us agony, is the mind giving its power to the external world. The mind seeks to look into the future and guess what life will bring. And while I do often share predictions in my work and frequently see the probable future, the truth is that 7 billion people have free will and many do not act according to their inner compass. In plain words, this means although there can be very likely futures, things can always change based on people's decisions. However, the one thing does not change, and never will, is God's love. So no matter what circumstances we choose, if we choose from joy, we make the right choice for right now. And then we have to remember, that in the very next moment, there is the very next opportunity to choose joy.

It is not easy sometimes, being in public and admitting my humanity with such vulnerability and yet over the years I have come to know that we are all in this school together and at some point in our lives we all face similar lessons. I hope my acceptance of uncertainty can help you embrace yours too with the faith and trust that in time, as we quiet the mind and embrace the heart, all answers are revealed. Next time you get in this space, and don't know what to choose, breathe, relax, and wait for clarity. I'll keep you posted on mine :)

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