Saturday, April 27, 2013

Don't look back, love now

I was on the freeway the other day driving home when a sign said, "Accident at 7th Street. Expect Delays." I immediately, without thought, began to pull off at the 7th street off-ramp. Then I proceeded to ignore my guidance and over-think the situation. "I don't see any accident here. That sign must be old." I ignored my instincts, got back on the freeway and as I drove over a hill promptly saw a line of traffic backed up so far I couldn't see the beginning or end of it.

In the past I would have berated myself for ignoring my guidance. I would have been frustrated knowing that I was now stuck in what could be a long wait in traffic. But having had enough angel-mentoring, I knew there was always something more to learn. So I simply asked the angels, "What can I learn from this other than the fact that i know I could have saved myself some time and trouble by listening to my guidance?!" Their loving voices quickly filled my mind. "Every human being on this planet will look back and see opportunities they have missed. Everyone at some point in their lives will say something they wished they did not say, or remain silent when they wish they had spoken up. Everyone without fail will look back and see that there are times they could have been more loving. However, we would advise you not to look back, but rather to say to yourself, 'Here I am now. How can I bring more love into this moment in front of me?' Let the past go. It is irrelevant, except as you choose to give it meaning. Your life starts now. So, Ann, how can you add more love to this situation right now?" They left me to answer that question for myself.

I chose to embrace the fact that I had received a beautiful and brilliant reminder from heaven on how to live my life in greater joy. I immediately began to send energy and love to all the souls in the cars around me. I prayed for the person in the accident and for their loved ones. I dug out the iPod and began playing Amma's chant to Ganesh, who in the Hindu tradition is known as the part of God that removes obstacles. Within ten minutes, traffic began to move once again. The accident had been cleared away. The hundreds of people stuck in traffic had received a dose of Divine love they may never know about, and prayers were sent to all. What could have been a normal human frustration turned into a very loving experience.

We will always have opportunities to look back at our lives with regret. I could have spent more time with Lucy when she was on earth. I could have been more patient at times. So many times I could have dug deeper into my heart and communicated with others from a more spiritually honest space. I've made blunders in classes that were so large, they could have kept me from speaking in public! In fact the first time I spoke at someone else's large conference, I let the entire room out half an hour early and went chasing them down the hall to gather them back! It turned into a glorious lesson on how it was OK to be human and make mistakes… one that the participants still remember in spite of forgetting my other material!

So try not to look back with regrets. Look at where you are now. Add love to your "Now" and see how that can turn anything around into a more beautiful and perfect and loving reality!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Love yourself no matter what

First of all I want to thank you for the outpouring of love last week. Lucy and Bruno (my husky wolf in heaven) are having a great time. Lucy woke me up in spirit at 4:44 last Saturday to remind me that I had promised her right before she passed, that we would go hiking the following weekend! I got out of bed and got going, and on the way, I got stuck behind a car plastered with doggie decals and with a license plate that said ARF ARF! Truly your loved ones, furry or otherwise are with you!

However, as I mentioned last week, this short but intense grief was the deepest I have ever felt. When I asked the angels why it was so deep, even though I could see and Lucy's joy, they responded honestly. "You are feeling guilt. Love doesn't hurt. You are beating yourself up over missed opportunities for love. Be present. You have both graduated from some very difficult lessons."

"Regretting missed opportunities for love hurts." I struggled for awhile with that one. I loved Lucy so much but the truth was, she also drove me past the ends of my patience with her upset glares that seemed to occur whenever I couldn't give her what she wanted. I was giving my life for a soul that was often a sweet little girl, but just as often an extremely moody and difficult personality. The grief I felt was for those times when I could have been more patient, more loving, more compassionate, and more understanding.

In the throes of it, only a day after her passing, I was bawling and apologizing to her for not having more snuggle time. I was explaining that laundry and other aspects of her care had taken up almost all of my spare time. I reassured here that all I had wanted was a loving interaction. Finally, after letting me bury myself in guilt and grief, she showed up and quite matter of factly spoke to my heart in feelings more than words, "Why are you crying? We did it. We found the love! Let's play!"

She was right. We did find the love, and in glorious fashion. I did learn to cultivate great patience, love, compassion, and a willingness to surrender and set my entire life and desires aside for a few years to care for her. I did come to embrace the fact that the only thing that truly matters in life is the love we bring into the present, no matter what is going on. And she, during the very last week of her life, learned to open her soul to the fact that real love does not always mean getting what you want, but rather it is a state of being. She felt your love on her Facebook page, and as I read your posts to her, she felt mine.

So before I did the first live-stream internet session on Wednesday with Braco , I simply prayed with all my heart, "God I know in the present Lucy and I are fine. We mastered our lessons on earth with one another. We found an amazing love in spite of the challenges. So please, work through this beautiful soul to wash away my undeserved guilt and pain. I want to be a light for the world once again, but I need your help now." Within seconds, I felt waves of light and love washing through my soul and after only a few minutes of standing in Oneness, the guilt, grief, sorrow, and sadness were totally washed away. All that remained was joy and a feeling of incredible euhporic celebration for Lucy and I who had graduated with honors from some amazingly challenging lessons. The grief has never returned. I was even cheering up the vet's assistants when I went to pick up the ashes. Meanwhile, Lucy and Bruno, in spirit, continue to be characters, walking all over me, nudging me for attention, and sending me love so immense it fills my heart. I feel nothing but love.

So when you find yourself in spaces that aren't as light-filled as you like, remind yourself that you are human and it is OK. I know better than to entertain guilt. I teach this. But I am human and when I occasionally stray into the denser spaces, I do as the angels have always taught me, and choose to give myself the same love and compassion that is so easy to share with others. In this space of self love you are open to receive every bit of help you need. I prayed to abide in a higher truth and God answered through the grace and gaze of one of His angels on earth. Guilt tried to sneak into my heart a few times later in the week, in various ways, but I refused to entertain anything other than the truth that we are all eternal unending love. If you can remember this you will receive help in even the darkest spaes.

No matter what adventures we have in this human world, they cannot dim our soul's beautiful light. It is our choice to believe in the truth of our Being or not, just as it is our choice to believe the sun is behind the clouds or not, but if you can do this - no matter what - you will quickly feel this light rising within you washing away your own areas of misunderstanding. This level of self love will call forth the Love of God to raise you up once again into truth.

I hope you have a love and light filled week. Choose to be loving and kind to yourselves no matter what. We are perfect as we are and expanding into more awareness each day, as the angels like to say, much as an acorn is perfect, but always dreaming of expanding into the oak.

Bless you,
I love you all,

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Love is all there is

This week I dove into the incredible depths of grief and emerged, by the Grace of God, into the magical and glorious heights of Divine Love.

Sunday morning my dear little furry one woke me at 4:44 and went outside. When I went to check on her, she was on the patio, shivering with fear and thinking hard. The night before she had chosen to sleep out under the stars for the first time in all our years together. I knew what I didn't want to know. I wrapped her in a soft blue towel and laid down with her on the patio, holding her and watching the sunrise, until I felt her sigh and relax in deep peace. She smiled at me and we just sat there looking into each others eyes with great love.

I asked her if she wanted me to stay with her. I had planned to spend a few hours at the Desert Botanical Garden while it was cool and she was outside for her regular morning nap. Instead she told me to go by getting up and walking away from me. It was the only time she walked by herself in the last few days. When I got home a few hours later I was happy to see her still there and still smiling. She had enjoyed a nice nap in her beautiful backyard filled with the scent of roses, lavender, and freshly watered grass. I had experienced a relaxing and beautiful morning amidst bountiful flowers, bees, and butterflies. Our hearts were full.

We went inside and took a nap together on the bedroom floor. As I held her head to my heart, my sweet little girl almost slipped out in her sleep. She awakened with a start and looked around with a confused expression as if to say, "Where am I?" "I'm here," I told her as I hugged her close. Again, she gave me the most blissful smile. We even got her on the iPad while I was face-timing my mom, but clearly she was getting tired. She kept falling as she tried to walk and when I went to check her back end, I saw some pretty sad stuff that is too gross to discuss. It was the same as Bruno's final issues. I knew. I asked her if it was time. Instead of looking away or glaring at me as she has every time in the past when asked the same question, she smiled. Quite clearly, I heard her tell me, "I'm ready." She was at peace with the decision. We hugged for nearly another hour and then finally I felt it. "Its time," I to ld her. "Are you ready?" She attempted to get up and as I helped her she even attempted to climb in the car. As I was choking back tears, she was trying to ease my pain, telling me, "ts OK. I know. I've made my decision."

So off to the vet we went. At the stoplights, I saw her sweet little head peer over the back seat and she looked at me with the most incredible love I have ever seen in her precious eyes. My heart melted. At the vet's office, she smiled at the nurses, the assistant, and saved her BEST girl smile for the man vet, because she loves everyone but she LOVES men. He loved her right back. He confirmed what I felt, telling me that there would be no quality of life and increasing pain if I were to make her stay. In spite of knowing, I choked back tears for Lucy's sake and asked one more time. "Are you sure you're ready?" She grinned. I took a deep breath. "You knew all along it was today, didn't you?" I asked her. She smiled SO big and started that breathing that is the equivalent of doggie laugher. I had to smile. She was clearly ready, and she has never, ever been ready before. She had made the decision long before I was willing to see it.

Everyone left us for awhile. I played Robin Miller's song, "Dancing with Angels" on the iPad. It soothed us both. I hugged her. kissed her, thanked her, and told her I loved her and always would, with all my heart. She had a moment of shivering as she pondered her transition, then she relaxed into my arms as I reminded her I'd be with her all the way across the veil. Soon she was smiling again, so happily. I grabbed the iPad and we did our favorite thing - took pictures of us snuggling, there on the floor of the vet's office, moments before her transition. At one point, she indicated she was tired, so I put the photos away and just held her. She looked into my eyes one last time as the nurses came in with the catheter and she proceeded to shut her eyes and fall fast asleep, as I held her head to my heart, even before the first shot was ever administered. After the kind doctor administered the pre-sedative, she did what only Lulu would do and started snoring like a boat motor which always made me laugh. Soon, even before the final shot was finished, there was silence and I saw her standing in spirit, just over her body, with Bruno, my husky wolf in heaven. She looked young, radiant, clear eyed, and healthy. I felt her warmth. The two of them took off running into a forest, while the vet left me to cry tears of emotional exhaustion. After a bit of my waterworks, the two dogs them came back in spirit. She was wagging and jumping like she used to when she was young and everything worked :) In the spirit world, she ran to a dirt area and dug like mad (She used to love to dig) and came running to me with a gold heart that she dug up. She was showing that this was her "tag" now... she had found her heart, and I had helped. I have never witnessed such a peaceful and pain-free transition.

I saw her and felt her as I do with most everyone who has passed, but I don't ever remember grieving anyone so strongly. The sadness was so deep and profound that I felt like one of the women wailing at the crucifixion. As I wrote on Facebook, "Grief comes and goes like a tidal wave crashing upon the shore. It carries you in its power, tumbling you with ocean of emotions. Then in peace it recedes, leaving you to see the treasures it has left behind - grateful for every breath of life, every relationship, every sunrise. So when you grieve, ride the waves, knowing its love pushing you into the depths, carrying you into the heavens, opening your heart to a greater expansion and understanding of how deeply you can feel."

I prayed and asked for help. As Divine timing would have it, this is the very week that Braco, a beautiful transmitter of Divine light is gazing on the internet, and Sri Karunamayi, known as the incarnation of the Divine mother was in town. There are no accidents. During the first "Gazing" session with Braco on the livestream Wednesday night, the entire flood of grief was washed from my heart never to return again. I was filled with joy, truth, and a love so profound that I felt like I had been transported into an entirely new reality. Lucy and I joined our hearts in a glorious dance of celebration for the lessons learned, the obstacles surmounted and surrendered to, and the incredble love that we shared between us. Laundry, pouty faces, and frustrations were all things of the past. I felt only the incredible and blissful freedom that we were beginning to experience in this new phase of our eternal relationship. My heart wasn't just healed, it was raised into the joy of eternal love. And to my great amusement and delight, Lucy continues to share her experiences in heaven with me so I can write them on her facebook page. She wants all the friends who sent her love during the last week of her life to know her joy, to understand a dog's perspective better, and to never have to worry about their loved ones in the afterlife. I do believe she has found an even greater sense of purpose. She and Bruno (my husky wolf) have also reunited and are having the time of their lives. I not only see them in heaven, but also feel them visit me at home, vying for my attention as they did when they were young and strong.

God was with me, as his Presence is with you, every step of the way. Even the most difficult moments in our lives can be filled with incredible grace if we surrender to them, pray for help, and just simply bring love into the situation. I could not have done this alone. I felt the hand of God and the love of angels guiding and holding both of us every step of the way. I was even guided to buy extra bleach, and also to fill the refrigerator with good food the day before Lucy transitioned. After thirty loads of laundry and a load of tears the few days after her passing, those "small" miracles were gifts of God's tender love.

So don't forget to ask for help in your life, for all things great and small. Then just do your part. Love yourself. Be true to your own heart. And from that space of fullness, love others. I thank God that Lucy and I came to know a brilliant, beautiful, and beatific love between us. My heart dances in celebration of two souls who graduated with honors, knowing that in the end, happily, there is always and only love, and love never dies.

I love you all,
With gratitude for the outpouring of love you have shown me,
Bruno, Lucy, & Ann

Friday, April 05, 2013

Miracles happen when you release expectations

This past Easter weekend absolutely nothing went as expected. A caulking job I expected to take only a few hours on Saturday was interrupted so many times that I had to finish it Easter morning. A handy man I had expected to do a good job years ago had made a horrible mess of it and at the time I was so steeped in expectations and upsets that I didn't see the obvious solution which would have been to call him back to fix it. I expected to at least have a nice brunch with Lucy, my little old Labrador, on Easter and instead ended up doing laundry for her while she pouted and glared at me because her lunch was late. I knew I had to release my expectations quickly and embrace the present or I was going to sink into self-pity. So I did what I always do when I am in need of help. I prayed. "Please help me with Lucy. I love her. I want to find a way to convince her I DO love her even when she doesn't get her way. I'm doing everything in my power not to f eel bad when she glares at me, but I need help." I felt the warmth and presence of angels.

After going into what I call a "conference" in which I see the angels talking amongst themselves about the best way to guide me, I heard one say, "Give Lucy her own Facebook page." You should have seen the look on my face! "Really?" I started to laugh out loud. The idea was hilarious! I continued to question my heavenly helpers, "And what do I say on it? I made mom do six loads of laundry before lunch?" I was still giggling at the thought. "Channel her sweet spirit," they told me. "Tap into the reality of her soul. You'll see!" So I proceeded to give my dog her own Facebook page. I quieted my mind and tapped into her soul, and connected with the sweet little innocent puppy girl who just wanted to be loved. By the end of the night she had over one hundred friends! I have been laughing ever since. People are writing to her, asking her questions, posting pictures of their dogs to show her, and h aving wonderful conversations. I quiet my mind, tune into her soul and let her spirit answer. I read her the loving posts... and she smiles! There's even a picture of her on Facebook admiring her page on the iPad!

Now when she glares at me every morning and most days after work, I get inside her dog brain and want to just laugh! Its like tuning into a cantankerous two year old. When I start feeling uppity about messes and laundry I look through her eyes and laugh myself silly. The expectations are gone. Now I exist in a state of wonder as in, I wonder what she will say about this! She is always sweet to others so if you need a dose of dog love or dog wisdom on Facebook, you can LIKE her here. As her personal assistant I do try to keep up channeling answers to her posts

And while this is all very silly and fun, the truth is that as I released my expectations I opened up to a crazy solution that has changed my attitude and made my life infinitely more enjoyable. After four years without two consecutive nights of eight hours sleep and enough laundry for a hotel, I'm still smiling. In fact I'm rolling with laughter lately. My body is healing in ways I never expected thanks to the encounter with Braco in February (more on that in another article). I'm motivated to exercise now, and also to fix a number of little annoying things around the house. I'm slowly working at a book that may take longer than I expected... and its all good!

Life is life. Others are who they are. We are who we are in any given moment. Let life be. Let others "be." And then knowing who you are, right here and right now, make your intentions to the universe clear and leave your expectations behind. You may just get a solution to your life's challenges that is as crazy and wonderful as the one I just received!