Saturday, October 12, 2013

Giving for Joy

I like to give and always have. When my parents had opened all their presents at Christmas, I would go in the basement and find things they already owned to wrap and give them. I just liked the feeling of having something to share. As a child, I liked to make people laugh and smile. I still do!

Over the years in my early adulthood, however, I learned, as many of us did, to give because I thought I "should." I thought it made me a good person. I thought it would make people like me. So I gave and gave and gave. I gave thousands of hours of my time on the phone in my early psychic career, even when I was dead tired and not in the mood. I gave thousands of dollars to men I dated in my thirties, unconsciously trying to help them be nicer to me and happier in their own lives, even when they weren't doing their part. I gave my time, my heart, and my energy because I thought I could save, fix, heal, and inspire others. The angels told me that was manipulative. It crushed me when they said this. "I'm not a manipulative person", I argued. "I'm generous." "No you are not manipulative in general," they answered, "and you truly are generous. However, when you give with the hope it will change someone else, that is a subtle form of manipulation. It is not a true gift." I cried for hours until I grasped the truth of their message and the love behind it! They were trying to help me see that I needed to know I was "good" already. I didn't need to try to fix, save, or inspire others unless it came from my own joy. They were, even with such a difficult message, unburdening me of the need to give when I didn't truly feel like giving.

Over the years the angels have impressed upon me that honest giving is beautiful, while giving in the hopes of getting something back is really not the highest vibration. Neither is giving to feel like a good person. "You already are," they reminded me. Little by little I came to understand that true giving comes from a feeling of fullness, a desire to delight someone, a need from deep within my soul to share the blessings I feel I have received. And this kind of giving feels so good in the moment I give, that I often forget what I have given people! Sometimes they don't thank me, but it doesn't matter. Sometimes they don't make use of my gifts, but that doesn't matter either. I have shared love with another soul and its not about the stuff, but about letting them know that someone thought about them, cared about them, loved them. This is the nature of God. A few years ago a poem came through me, that describes this love that longs to flow through me. You can read it here if you like.

So as you contemplate what to give whom this lifetime, maybe you don't even need to think too much. Maybe instead you can give when it gives you joy, knowing this is the movement of God. My friends and I are funny about birthdays now. We don't care if we celebrate on the day. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. Sometimes the gifts are shared months later. Sometimes if we're lean in our lives, we just share our good thoughts. Giving has become a true joy in my life now, not an obligation. There is truly nothing like feeling the love of God flow through you, in any way that appears!