Saturday, May 11, 2013

Finding it on the inside

I remember the days when I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I met my first spiritual teacher on September 3, 1993. Through her, I experienced the energy of God, tangibly, for the first time. It was what I had been searching for my entire life. In that instant, I knew I would never be the same. My calling was calling. My heart was opened to a greater truth. And suddenly everything I thought had value in my life looked worthless compared to learning about and sharing this energy. I knew who I was and what I was to do for the first time. Within three years, my entire life was torn apart. My marriage of nine years dissolved. I quit my successful engineering career with its nice salary and prestige, and I became psychic in the window at a local bookstore making $6 after taxes, a day, if I was lucky. I was terrified half the time, but knew this path was not optional. God had planted its seeds in my heart and they would grow.

In the process of all this change I lost every single friend in my life but one dear one who remains today. My parents didn't know what to do with me. My mother feared for my soul, and my father was concerned about my ability to support myself. My brother, a devoutly religious man, was concerned that I was dancing with deception. I went from being totally socially acceptable and validated by every person in my life to having to stand strong in God's love and in the arms of the angels while everyone else I'd ever cared about dropped away or thought I was crazy. God's love sustained me, even through the most difficult of lessons.

At first I sought out validation in others. I dated "spiritual" men who turned out to be sociopaths who helped me beat myself up. I looked to others to make me feel good about myself, only to have them make me feel worse. I finally got the point - I had to learn to love myself. I had to give myself the validation I was seeking in the world. After all, God had planted a seed and a calling in my heart and my job was not to seek approval but rather to allow this love, energy, and wisdom to flow through me as it desired to do so.

So I sat in that bookstore and trusted that if only one person came to me, that was the person God wanted to love through me that day. In time the days became packed. I taught one-person classes if only one showed up and I gave that person the full force of my love the angels' wisdom. In time I have spoken at conferences with some of the most famous authors on the planet. When I stopped needing validation, I got it. When I stopped needing love from others and learned to find it inside, I found it mirrored everywhere. When I stopped caring if others acknowledged or even agreed with me, I was able to embrace other perspectives and choose love whether or not someone else loved me. It truly is a reality of heaven on earth, once you find what you are seeking from within. It takes persistence, work, the willingness to receive help, and always a recognition that God is within all things, and all people --- including you :)

This is why I am teaching Magical Self Love once again. When you discover the divinity within - beyond concept, beyond thought, and as a feeling of goodness and truth inside of yourself, then you are set free. I feel so grateful these days. You have walked with me on this journey, witnessed my own dives into the darkness, and I hope shared the highs as well. We are all in one beautiful school called earth and I feel so grateful to share it with you.

2 comments:

waverider1 said...

Hi, Ann! The early 90's was a grand time of awakening/activation, wasn't it? A very similar thing happened to me at the same time as it did to you, almost exactly ('92-'93). In '94 I left the States permanently, and all my family and friends (to their severe disappointment) for Central America to live with my then-new spouse who nobody liked. It's been QUITE the radical adventure! Glad us 'crazy' Wayshowers/Trailblazers/Lightwarriors are finally near/at the end of our lower-D challenges.

Ann said...

I love it! That's really cool waverider1. I think God had a timer that went off for many of us :)