Saturday, April 20, 2013

Love yourself no matter what

First of all I want to thank you for the outpouring of love last week. Lucy and Bruno (my husky wolf in heaven) are having a great time. Lucy woke me up in spirit at 4:44 last Saturday to remind me that I had promised her right before she passed, that we would go hiking the following weekend! I got out of bed and got going, and on the way, I got stuck behind a car plastered with doggie decals and with a license plate that said ARF ARF! Truly your loved ones, furry or otherwise are with you!

However, as I mentioned last week, this short but intense grief was the deepest I have ever felt. When I asked the angels why it was so deep, even though I could see and Lucy's joy, they responded honestly. "You are feeling guilt. Love doesn't hurt. You are beating yourself up over missed opportunities for love. Be present. You have both graduated from some very difficult lessons."

"Regretting missed opportunities for love hurts." I struggled for awhile with that one. I loved Lucy so much but the truth was, she also drove me past the ends of my patience with her upset glares that seemed to occur whenever I couldn't give her what she wanted. I was giving my life for a soul that was often a sweet little girl, but just as often an extremely moody and difficult personality. The grief I felt was for those times when I could have been more patient, more loving, more compassionate, and more understanding.

In the throes of it, only a day after her passing, I was bawling and apologizing to her for not having more snuggle time. I was explaining that laundry and other aspects of her care had taken up almost all of my spare time. I reassured here that all I had wanted was a loving interaction. Finally, after letting me bury myself in guilt and grief, she showed up and quite matter of factly spoke to my heart in feelings more than words, "Why are you crying? We did it. We found the love! Let's play!"

She was right. We did find the love, and in glorious fashion. I did learn to cultivate great patience, love, compassion, and a willingness to surrender and set my entire life and desires aside for a few years to care for her. I did come to embrace the fact that the only thing that truly matters in life is the love we bring into the present, no matter what is going on. And she, during the very last week of her life, learned to open her soul to the fact that real love does not always mean getting what you want, but rather it is a state of being. She felt your love on her Facebook page, and as I read your posts to her, she felt mine.

So before I did the first live-stream internet session on Wednesday with Braco , I simply prayed with all my heart, "God I know in the present Lucy and I are fine. We mastered our lessons on earth with one another. We found an amazing love in spite of the challenges. So please, work through this beautiful soul to wash away my undeserved guilt and pain. I want to be a light for the world once again, but I need your help now." Within seconds, I felt waves of light and love washing through my soul and after only a few minutes of standing in Oneness, the guilt, grief, sorrow, and sadness were totally washed away. All that remained was joy and a feeling of incredible euhporic celebration for Lucy and I who had graduated with honors from some amazingly challenging lessons. The grief has never returned. I was even cheering up the vet's assistants when I went to pick up the ashes. Meanwhile, Lucy and Bruno, in spirit, continue to be characters, walking all over me, nudging me for attention, and sending me love so immense it fills my heart. I feel nothing but love.

So when you find yourself in spaces that aren't as light-filled as you like, remind yourself that you are human and it is OK. I know better than to entertain guilt. I teach this. But I am human and when I occasionally stray into the denser spaces, I do as the angels have always taught me, and choose to give myself the same love and compassion that is so easy to share with others. In this space of self love you are open to receive every bit of help you need. I prayed to abide in a higher truth and God answered through the grace and gaze of one of His angels on earth. Guilt tried to sneak into my heart a few times later in the week, in various ways, but I refused to entertain anything other than the truth that we are all eternal unending love. If you can remember this you will receive help in even the darkest spaes.

No matter what adventures we have in this human world, they cannot dim our soul's beautiful light. It is our choice to believe in the truth of our Being or not, just as it is our choice to believe the sun is behind the clouds or not, but if you can do this - no matter what - you will quickly feel this light rising within you washing away your own areas of misunderstanding. This level of self love will call forth the Love of God to raise you up once again into truth.

I hope you have a love and light filled week. Choose to be loving and kind to yourselves no matter what. We are perfect as we are and expanding into more awareness each day, as the angels like to say, much as an acorn is perfect, but always dreaming of expanding into the oak.

Bless you,
I love you all,
Ann

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