Saturday, July 28, 2012

Love in the lessons

I have been feeling so amazing lately that it shocked me when I propelled myself into another set of lessons on internalizing stress. I handled the pool filter repair just fine. I didn't stress about my mom being in the hospital. However, I had another situation in my life that I thought I was handling well. Apparently I hadn't been 100% honest with myself about how emotionally challenging it was, and as a result of that, I started to feel very uncomfortable last Thursday. As day progressed into night it got worse. Fear kicked in and soon my intestines were a twisted mess. Once again I found myself bloated enough to look like a woman nine-months pregnant, and about as comfortable. I've done this before.

So for three days and nights I walked the house in total surrender. I couldn't sit or lay down, and I couldn't eat. I went to a doctor who didn't help much and then finally realized that I just needed to relax, surrender, and allow others to assist me. The angels told me through my friend Summer Bacon , that it was time for me to ask for help, and so I did. I called a friend who came over, ran my errands and spent hours doing energy work on me until I could relax and allow nature to slowly take its course. At one point I was able to seek out alternative treatments that seem to be working, slowly but surely. As I write the newsletter on Tuesday of this week, I have slept only 7 hours in five days, and have eaten only broth. I still have energy. It comes from God. I have been meditating, relaxing, and looking at my life and the areas where I need to be a bit more considerate to myself, and to surrender even more deeper into my own heart. As I do so, the healing has dramatically accelerated.

As you know I'm also teaching a class on Radical Self Love in September. I signed up to teach it, knowing full well I'd be immersed in lessons of that for myself first. And so here I am learning to allow life to give to me as much as I share with life. Dear clients put me on their prayers lists and offered help if I needed it. I just felt very supported and instead of criticizing myself for ignoring my own guidance as to what to eat, I chose to look at the good that comes from this. I will be healthier and cleaner inside than ever before. I now have discovered I must avoid wheat for awhile. It will be a new culinary adventure. And possibly this "crisis" has saved me because it is easy to build up toxic waste in the body without knowing you are doing so, and having this all come to a head has forced me to address those issues. In the past I've taken in so many energies that weren't mine and apparently my body, unbeknownst to me, was reflecting this quite literally.

I thought that was that. The lessons were over. But I created another opportunity for self love Sunday night when I put a pot of beans on the stove knowing that I'd be able to eat soon and this would give me incentive. I sat on the couch to wait for the water to boil... and fell asleep. I woke up to a house filled with smoke, burnt beans and a pot so hot it was warm even through the potholders. I jumped up and grabbed the pot to pull it off the burner, and the glass stovetop came with it!! There I stood with a burnt out pot, a broken stovetop and one stinky house! The opportunities to beat myself up were plenty but I chose not to. I chose to be compassionate to myself. I chose to just deal with it instead of whining and moaning and thinking, "Why me!" "Why this!" "Too much!" Instead I called the non-emergency fire number and a nice bunch of fire men came with huge fans to move the bulk of the smoke out. I called insurance and set the wheels in motion to get the house cleaned out, the stove fixed, and the pot replaced. I wrote my clients offering to do phone readings instead of in person due to the awful smell in the house. And I settled down to relax and heal again, knowing another lesson was learned.

I do try not to create such dramatic lessons for myself but every now and then this is what happens. And inevitably, there is a silver lining, and great good that comes from them. I hope to be a little more gentle with my growth in the future, but one never knows!

I just give thanks for all the angel training in surrender, in bringing love to any situation, in choosing to love myself rather than make a difficult situation worse. I am blessed in so many ways and I know this too shall pass and be just a memory amidst a life otherwise filled with bliss.

So when life gets crazy hard, remember, don't beat yourself up and don't assume God doesn't love you. You're still a beautiful soul in God's eyes and you are always loved. We just do things at times that create challenging lessons. And everything, in the end, except God's love, is temporary!

Have a great week and I'm going to continue working on my vibrant health!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

No worries...

I am grateful to have learned that worry is pointless. Last week my pool filter gave notice by starting to spit sand into the pool. Suffice it to say the repairs weren't cheap but I didn't worry. God has always found ways to pay my bills. I didn't spend a second fretting. I just gave thanks that the problem was discovered before my pool turned into a beach, and that I have a company that is family owned, honest, and good at what they do.

The same week my mom ended up in the hospital back in Virginia. After 66 hrs in horrid heat and humidity with no power her asthma combined with a sinus infection and she nearly stopped breathing. Again I didn't worry. I called her, got the facts, and go the prayers going. She had an amazing attitude. "Everything happens for a reason," she told me once she was able to talk again. I'm in good care. She is home now and still needs prayers for healing, but is doing much better. It would be easy to slip into worry. I am 3000 miles away and can't do much but my dad and brother are there for physical support and I know my work with mom lies in the other realms. I trust the process. It is all I can do.

My dog is aging too. She falls more often, sleeps a lot, and is not going to be here forever. I know this. But there's no need to worry because for now she is happy, smiling, snorting, and enjoying life. She is a great teacher too. When her little back legs give out, she just sits down, right where she's at and enjoys the view. Nine times out of ten, I come running and give her extra love so she actually enjoys the moment. She doesn't worry about when she'll get up or what the next moment brings.

This same week a dear friend who is going through a hard time spoke to me. She needed some time alone. Again I am not worried. God is with her and so are my prayers and healing energy. I am doing what I can to assist and surrendered that God will let me know if there is more.

So when you are worried, ask yourself, "What can I control and what is outside of my control?" "What am I guided to do, vs. what would I do out of panic and fear." Do what you can and do as you are guided then rest easy knowing that all else rests in God's arms. The less I try to control things I cannot, the easier my life gets, the more miracles occur, and the happier I feel. The illusion that we must be in control of everything leads to inevitable worries because we are not.

So worry not my friends. We are all in the loving arms of the creator, birthed and breathing because of that very love. There is really no greater truth.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

No more self criticism

The angels have worked with me for years to let go of the huge expectations I had for myself. I think we all grew up thinking we knew how life and we are "supposed to be." I was supposed to grow up, go to college, get married, have kids, retire, etc. I did everything I was supposed to but it didn't work! I wasn't happy. It ends up I had this crazy calling instead, which now makes me wildly happy. I had to let go of a lot of expectations of myself to be who I really am.

Throughout the years I've had to constantly release expectations. I can't possibly answer every email I get. I can't get everyone in who wants to see me as fast as I wish I could. I can't do everything socially that is offered to me because I need time in silence. Little by little I've released myself from expectations and have made peace with the fact that I'm human, live in a body, and have only 24 hrs a day. Believe it or not, those things weren't entirely easy to accept!

Every now and then I still forget those facts of life! This past weekend I had massive expectations for what I wanted to accomplish. I am reworking sections of my web site and thought I could finish an entire section, clean out some closets, cook meals, swim, etc. It ends up I got some pages tested and only one new page designed. That was it! Mind you its a beautiful page, nonetheless, I had a moment where I started to feel bummed out by how "little" I had achieved.

I caught that thought mid-stream and banished those sad thoughts and instead started to focus on what I did accomplish. In short time it dawned on me that my "one page" was really like redesigning an entire web site. It was not surprising it took all day, and actually getting it done in a day was quite an accomplishment. My new Sedona section will be gorgeous when I'm done. Realistically it might take months. Now its ok. Life truly is in the journey and I did enjoy the process.

So, while it is fine to have expectations, the trick to happiness is realizing that whether or not we live up to our own standards or goals, we can always bring love to the situation. We can always say, "Well I didn't do that very well but I tried." Or, "I didn't achieve xyz, but I did get this done." Or, "At least I learned something!"

Talking to dead people puts everything in perspective. At the end of our lives, our wrinkles don't matter. What we did or didn't accomplish in terms of achievements is less important than how much we loved. And we can love ourselves, others, God, our pets, our homes, our food, or any number of things. It is the vibration of love that matters, not so much the object of it, because in truth, the object of all love is God, present in creation.

So this week, try to go easy on yourselves. Catch yourself in criticism and give yourself a compliment instead. Stretch and form new and kinder habits. It certainly is a kinder and happier reality!

And if you really want to dive into self-love, come to my class in September :) The world would be such a kind place if we could truly start by being kind to ourselves.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Letting go...

I have done a lot of letting go in my life, and I'm sure you have too. Beings I've loved both two and four-footed ones have died. Relationships have ended. I once let go of an entire way of life when I quit avionics engineering to leap into the great unknown. In most cases, a great deal of drama was involved, all understandably human, and for the most part, between my ears.

When I got divorced years ago I wailed over what the relationship could have been but was not, only to find a new sense of freedom, love, and joy in every aspect of my life. I sobbed over letting go of a house I had loved, only to find the same make and model, four years later, with the improvements I'd dreamt of. I shook like a leaf when I left my stable career in engineering and watched the miracle occur as I lived one day at a time, slowly being guided into the reality in which I now live. After years of learning surrender the hard way, I've realized that letting go is sometimes the quickest way to open the door to new realities.

When my dearest husky wolf Bruno passed, a few years back, I let go far more easily than I might have imagined. To my great joy, he went home with me in spirit and has been around ever since. I did let myself grieve when the tears hit but they were few and far between because, in reality, the last year of his life was so hard on both of us, that his passing freed me up to enjoy the relationship with him in spirit in a far easier and more loving way. Likewise when a troubled friend died, I did indeed grieve and grieve deeply, but I also knew she was finally at peace and happier than she'd ever been. When my dear grandma, who was not only one of the most wonderful women I know but also a role model to me, passed, again I cried, but celebrated her freedom. In learning to let go of their human forms, I allow myself to relate to their new and beautiful reality in spirit.

Lately the urge to let go hit me in a big way once again. This time it was old beliefs first, followed by releasing a ton of old stuff. This year, finally, I have learned to let go of my lifetimes long pattern of needing to "save" and "fix" people. I'd still be there for my friends in a heartbeat. I have just stopped trying to "make" things happen for others, and have been more focused on some of my own goals and dreams lately. It has been marvelous!

With that shift, came a strong desire to weed out the closets once again. I prayed and asked God to show me where to donate things and a week later, a dear client told me she was collected for a wonderful charity that gives teachers free supplies! I loved it! It was just the thing I needed to motivate me to clean out my office and craft room. For those of you creative folks, you know how hard that is! We can use a scrap of ribbon and hang on to everything. However, I got ruthless, and got rid of everything I hadn't used in the recent past. I got rid of things I'd carried all the way from my "past life" when I moved out of my old home. I got rid of projects I knew I'd never finish. I got rid of office supplies that I once used but no longer needed. And with every box and bag that left my home, I felt a weight lifting. I was giving away perfectly good things, and amen, hallelujah, now they would be put to good use. I have more to go! It feels so good to get stuck energy in motion.

I think at times we cling to things because they do remind us of happy times. We cling to people because we don't know the relationships can transform or we can find better. We cling to old beliefs because they make us feel safe, but in reality, all they do is block our joy! Little children are the most perfect examples of those who can let go. They play with a toy until they are done, then move on to the next. They talk to someone until they're done then move on. They live in a state of amazing grace and flow with their hearts. They trust.

So as the angels say, its inventory time in our lives. See what you can let go of this week... maybe just one thing, one situation, or one belief. See how it makes you feel, and enjoy your newfound freedom!

Love and lightness,
Ann