Saturday, July 28, 2012

Love in the lessons

I have been feeling so amazing lately that it shocked me when I propelled myself into another set of lessons on internalizing stress. I handled the pool filter repair just fine. I didn't stress about my mom being in the hospital. However, I had another situation in my life that I thought I was handling well. Apparently I hadn't been 100% honest with myself about how emotionally challenging it was, and as a result of that, I started to feel very uncomfortable last Thursday. As day progressed into night it got worse. Fear kicked in and soon my intestines were a twisted mess. Once again I found myself bloated enough to look like a woman nine-months pregnant, and about as comfortable. I've done this before.

So for three days and nights I walked the house in total surrender. I couldn't sit or lay down, and I couldn't eat. I went to a doctor who didn't help much and then finally realized that I just needed to relax, surrender, and allow others to assist me. The angels told me through my friend Summer Bacon , that it was time for me to ask for help, and so I did. I called a friend who came over, ran my errands and spent hours doing energy work on me until I could relax and allow nature to slowly take its course. At one point I was able to seek out alternative treatments that seem to be working, slowly but surely. As I write the newsletter on Tuesday of this week, I have slept only 7 hours in five days, and have eaten only broth. I still have energy. It comes from God. I have been meditating, relaxing, and looking at my life and the areas where I need to be a bit more considerate to myself, and to surrender even more deeper into my own heart. As I do so, the healing has dramatically accelerated.

As you know I'm also teaching a class on Radical Self Love in September. I signed up to teach it, knowing full well I'd be immersed in lessons of that for myself first. And so here I am learning to allow life to give to me as much as I share with life. Dear clients put me on their prayers lists and offered help if I needed it. I just felt very supported and instead of criticizing myself for ignoring my own guidance as to what to eat, I chose to look at the good that comes from this. I will be healthier and cleaner inside than ever before. I now have discovered I must avoid wheat for awhile. It will be a new culinary adventure. And possibly this "crisis" has saved me because it is easy to build up toxic waste in the body without knowing you are doing so, and having this all come to a head has forced me to address those issues. In the past I've taken in so many energies that weren't mine and apparently my body, unbeknownst to me, was reflecting this quite literally.

I thought that was that. The lessons were over. But I created another opportunity for self love Sunday night when I put a pot of beans on the stove knowing that I'd be able to eat soon and this would give me incentive. I sat on the couch to wait for the water to boil... and fell asleep. I woke up to a house filled with smoke, burnt beans and a pot so hot it was warm even through the potholders. I jumped up and grabbed the pot to pull it off the burner, and the glass stovetop came with it!! There I stood with a burnt out pot, a broken stovetop and one stinky house! The opportunities to beat myself up were plenty but I chose not to. I chose to be compassionate to myself. I chose to just deal with it instead of whining and moaning and thinking, "Why me!" "Why this!" "Too much!" Instead I called the non-emergency fire number and a nice bunch of fire men came with huge fans to move the bulk of the smoke out. I called insurance and set the wheels in motion to get the house cleaned out, the stove fixed, and the pot replaced. I wrote my clients offering to do phone readings instead of in person due to the awful smell in the house. And I settled down to relax and heal again, knowing another lesson was learned.

I do try not to create such dramatic lessons for myself but every now and then this is what happens. And inevitably, there is a silver lining, and great good that comes from them. I hope to be a little more gentle with my growth in the future, but one never knows!

I just give thanks for all the angel training in surrender, in bringing love to any situation, in choosing to love myself rather than make a difficult situation worse. I am blessed in so many ways and I know this too shall pass and be just a memory amidst a life otherwise filled with bliss.

So when life gets crazy hard, remember, don't beat yourself up and don't assume God doesn't love you. You're still a beautiful soul in God's eyes and you are always loved. We just do things at times that create challenging lessons. And everything, in the end, except God's love, is temporary!

Have a great week and I'm going to continue working on my vibrant health!

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