Saturday, June 09, 2012

Being honest with life

I had a long talk with the angels recently. The articulated what I had not yet been able to say. They told me I was restructuring my entire existence, from the inside out. It is true. Passions I have long held within and the projects that result from them can no longer be ignored. The desire for balance in my life has out-weighed the old patterns of trying to pack too much in. I have finally had to admit to myself the desire for more time alone, after my work of connecting with my clients and all their loved ones so intensely. It has been a beautiful process, and I'm happier and more peaceful than I've been in ages.

It is sometimes hard to be deeply honest with ourselves, because then we have to be even more honest with those around us. It has always been a challenge for me to disappoint anyone. It has been my lifelong lesson to let that go of that discomfort, and to just be true to what God puts in my own heart. So when I was concerned lately about hurting friends feelings when I knew I needed more unplanned time, the angels told me rather strongly that I was being ridiculous. They reminded me that real friends would understand and celebrate me honoring my guidance. They were, of course, right. I am blessed by incredible people in my life.

It has not always been this way. In the past when the "need to please" was so strong within me, I attracted people that needed me to please them. Years ago, when I quit engineering a woman I thought was my best friend there came unglued and yelled at me. "How can you leave me? What kind of friend are you? " Never mind that I was following a God-given dictate to change my life and honor my calling. She made it all about her. And she mirrored well my feelings that I existed to satisfy everyone else. I tried to reassure her that we could still keep in touch and go to lunch, but that wasn't enough. She was used to having me there on a daily basis. The friendship ended on that sad note, but in lieu of pleasing one person I have been able to uplift thousands.

When a former boyfriend left in my thirties after I asked him to treat me more kindly, he did so yelling that I was "just too much work!" Today I look back and grin. Had I been who I am now I would have held the door open for him and and blessed his retreat, rather than beating myself up and trying to see what I could have done differently. Sometimes by our very nature we will find we are not a match for others, but if you are true to your own heart, then everything and everyone will shift into its right place in your life.

God's love is rising up within all of us saying, "Hello! I love you! I want you to experience what your soul wishes to be this lifetime. I want you to know my love. I want you to express my love in a way that gives you joy. I want you to look fear in the face and know love is greater. I want you to look at your angers and make necessary changes. I want you to give me your sadness in exchange for your joy." We must remain true to our internal compass, no matter what because that is where we find our joy and make the biggest contribution to the world. And when I say "biggest" I am not talking about the number of people we overtly serve, but rather the biggest ripple of love in the cosmic pond.

So in these changing times, pay attention to the desires within, confront the other energies that stand in their way, and know God lives and breathes within you, wanting to pour His love into the world - to you, through you, and from you.

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