Saturday, April 21, 2012

True love

I recently lost a dear friend, not through death, but through misunderstanding. She was family to me. We communicated every day and have known each other for over a decade. Late last year when I was stressed, I was not as sensitive as usual and some things I said and did in innocence were terribly misinterpreted. My friend began to pull away, suddenly, without telling me why. I attempted to communicate several times and things seemed better after each conversation, but then she pulled away again. Her responses to my invitations became shorter and more curt and after one particularly painful rejection when I was attempting to reconnect, I knew I had to listen to what the angels were telling me, and let go. The angels made it clear that right now her journey was without me, and that I had triggered a pain much deeper than the issues at hand - one I could not fix, and one that was exacerbated by my presence in her life. The angels told me the kind thing to do was bless her, release her, and simply let her know I loved her. So I did. I wrote a brief note saying I would honor her desire not to communicate and that I loved her. I meant every word.

The time leading up to this letting go was painful. i deeply grieved the times we had shared, the fun, the friendship, the laughter, and her sweet and kind heart. One day, however, Archangel MIchael - the angel of truth and protection, who loves us all - showed up and said to me quite simply, "How long do you plan to suffer? Isn't it time you choose to love yourself in this too?" His words woke me up. He was right. While there was so much in the past that I missed, what had been going on recently was not loving or kind to me. I neither wanted nor deserved the rejection, lack of communication, and false pretenses that had gone on the last few months. I wanted kinder and more honest behaviors in my life.

The revelation was a big one for me. Many times in my life, I have chased after people who have been upset with me, trying to prove my love, my heart, and my intentions. I've tried to help them solve their childhood pain, often at my own expense, only to realize it didn't work after all. So, for the first time in my life, I gave up trying to fix what could not be fixed at this time. I released my friend to God's love and decided to love myself.

As soon as I sent the note, a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Immediately abundance started flowing, the readings deepened, my health started feeling better than ever, and all of life seemed amazing, happy, and miraculous once again. I started feeling the flow of God's grace. It has brought a clarity to my life that I previously didn't even know was missing.

I still think of my old friend with a lot of love. I pray for her, and trust that she is on the path she needs to be on. I have heard she is doing great, and I am too. God, in his infinite wisdom, moved us, to create more gentle and kind growth in both of our lives.

I have been rejected many times this lifetime. I have been unceremoniously dumped, misunderstood, scapegoated, vilified, and attacked. But the constant in my life is the love I feel from God and the angels. They are the friends who can never leave, the ones that always understand the purity of my heart, and the ones who constantly motivate me to be a more loving person. They're the ones I turn to first, when I am in need. Being a loving person does not always mean we are perfect, nor does it mean we will always be nice, always please others, or always appear to be "holy." But it does mean that time and again we can call forth the presence of God's love within us, through our own free will, choosing to love God first, self next, and others as a natural product of the first two.

We cannot offer true love to others until we grant that to ourselves. We cannot be at peace with others' feelings and choices until we allow ourselves our own. So when I'm hurt, I cry, rant, and rave, in private. I grant myself full expression as an act of love towards myself. It never fails... when the so-called negative feelings are flushed through my system, love follows, because always and forevermore, love is the deepest truth within us.

Challenge yourself this week to be truly loving to yourself. See how it changes your feelings towards others.