Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Love is your natural state

I dated a wonderful man years ago, knowing the relationship was not going to last. We both talked to angels and we both got the same message - that it would be a beautiful dance that would end in a lasting friendship but would not prove to be the "love of our lives."

We agonized over whether or not we should even enter into the relationship. We didn't know how it would end. We didn't want to hurt each other. It was truly an exercise in trusting God, trusting the moment, and living in the present. In time the angels' messages proved true. We realized that while we loved each others' souls dearly what we had was more of a friendship. Neither of us with all our brainpower could figure out a way to make romance blossom. It just was what it was.

That said, I was crying to the angels one day, lost in wishful thinking. "I love him!" I wailed. The unspoken message was, "I love him! Why can't he be the one?" There was nothing wrong with either one of us. We just didn't have that energy between us, and the angels had already explained that to me in depth. Nonetheless, I was younger, not as wise, and lost in the agony of wishful thinking. I continued in my remorseful state of self-pity, going on and on about how much I loved his soul and how unfair it was to love someone so much and still not have that human energy between us.

The angels kindly pointed out how I was causing myself grief. "What you are feeling now is not love," they said to me. That stopped me in my tracks. I didn't understand. "What?" I wailed. "I do love him!" " We know," they said, "but your sadness is not coming from love. Loving someone does not hurt. What hurts is that you want him to be something other than who he is. Instead of just loving and appreciating who is in front of you, and trusting God to bring all you wish in His timing, you are feeling deprived. You are looking at the glass half empty right now when in truth there is so much good right in front you today." They were right. This man was a dear friend and certainly we loved each other's souls and we had a lot of fun together. I was lucky to have him in my life. I did want more but in truth, and so did he, but when I was in a state of gratitude, I didn't feel any lack at all. I knew that. "So why was I in so much pain then," I asked, having calmed down a bit.

They replied ever so lovingly. "You were just having a tantrum. You don't have everything you want right now and you were just upset." Their tone was so sweet. I could tell tantrums weren't a problem in their eyes. They still loved me. Meanwhile, I started to smile and then laugh uproariously. I was SO busted. I WAS having a tantrum. I didn't have my be-all, end-all life at that moment and I was pitching an unholy fit, crying like a two year old. The angels were teaching me I could love myself in spite of it, and I could love and appreciate this man for all he was in spite of not being "the one" as we humans like to say.

What followed between us was a period of increased honesty in which we could really acknowledge and love all that was right between us, still enjoy each others' company, and encourage each other along the diverse paths we were beginning to travel. In time we had simply gone so deeply down different paths that we didn't really even "break up." One day we just simply got on the phone and had a conversation about how we weren't really dating anymore. It was that easy. To this day, we remain long distance friends with the utmost care, love, and respect for one another.

It is all too common to be upset at others when they are not who we want them to be. It occurs in line at the grocery store and in the best of relationships. It has occurred in the relationship with our pets, our kids, our homes, and even in the relationship with ourselves. I am not always who I want me to be! In those moments when someone is not behaving as we wish, or when we are not who we wish, those are the opportunities ripe for love, starting with yourself. If you can be honest about what you want, trust God, and appreciate what you do have, then your life will unfold with ease and grace. If you can place your attention and energy where you are drawn and withdraw your attention and energy from situations that do not enliven you, everything has a way of working itself out in time. We are human. We do throw tantrums, but try, if you get in that space, to have a little sense of humor, tell yourself its ok to be human, give your feelings vent in private, and then get back to gratitude.

Gratitude and love truly are more natural states of being. It takes a lot of unlearning old habits to get back to that truth but when you do, you do reconnect with a natural state of innocence that makes life a lot easier, clearer, and certainly more joyful!

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