Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Love is your natural state

I dated a wonderful man years ago, knowing the relationship was not going to last. We both talked to angels and we both got the same message - that it would be a beautiful dance that would end in a lasting friendship but would not prove to be the "love of our lives."

We agonized over whether or not we should even enter into the relationship. We didn't know how it would end. We didn't want to hurt each other. It was truly an exercise in trusting God, trusting the moment, and living in the present. In time the angels' messages proved true. We realized that while we loved each others' souls dearly what we had was more of a friendship. Neither of us with all our brainpower could figure out a way to make romance blossom. It just was what it was.

That said, I was crying to the angels one day, lost in wishful thinking. "I love him!" I wailed. The unspoken message was, "I love him! Why can't he be the one?" There was nothing wrong with either one of us. We just didn't have that energy between us, and the angels had already explained that to me in depth. Nonetheless, I was younger, not as wise, and lost in the agony of wishful thinking. I continued in my remorseful state of self-pity, going on and on about how much I loved his soul and how unfair it was to love someone so much and still not have that human energy between us.

The angels kindly pointed out how I was causing myself grief. "What you are feeling now is not love," they said to me. That stopped me in my tracks. I didn't understand. "What?" I wailed. "I do love him!" " We know," they said, "but your sadness is not coming from love. Loving someone does not hurt. What hurts is that you want him to be something other than who he is. Instead of just loving and appreciating who is in front of you, and trusting God to bring all you wish in His timing, you are feeling deprived. You are looking at the glass half empty right now when in truth there is so much good right in front you today." They were right. This man was a dear friend and certainly we loved each other's souls and we had a lot of fun together. I was lucky to have him in my life. I did want more but in truth, and so did he, but when I was in a state of gratitude, I didn't feel any lack at all. I knew that. "So why was I in so much pain then," I asked, having calmed down a bit.

They replied ever so lovingly. "You were just having a tantrum. You don't have everything you want right now and you were just upset." Their tone was so sweet. I could tell tantrums weren't a problem in their eyes. They still loved me. Meanwhile, I started to smile and then laugh uproariously. I was SO busted. I WAS having a tantrum. I didn't have my be-all, end-all life at that moment and I was pitching an unholy fit, crying like a two year old. The angels were teaching me I could love myself in spite of it, and I could love and appreciate this man for all he was in spite of not being "the one" as we humans like to say.

What followed between us was a period of increased honesty in which we could really acknowledge and love all that was right between us, still enjoy each others' company, and encourage each other along the diverse paths we were beginning to travel. In time we had simply gone so deeply down different paths that we didn't really even "break up." One day we just simply got on the phone and had a conversation about how we weren't really dating anymore. It was that easy. To this day, we remain long distance friends with the utmost care, love, and respect for one another.

It is all too common to be upset at others when they are not who we want them to be. It occurs in line at the grocery store and in the best of relationships. It has occurred in the relationship with our pets, our kids, our homes, and even in the relationship with ourselves. I am not always who I want me to be! In those moments when someone is not behaving as we wish, or when we are not who we wish, those are the opportunities ripe for love, starting with yourself. If you can be honest about what you want, trust God, and appreciate what you do have, then your life will unfold with ease and grace. If you can place your attention and energy where you are drawn and withdraw your attention and energy from situations that do not enliven you, everything has a way of working itself out in time. We are human. We do throw tantrums, but try, if you get in that space, to have a little sense of humor, tell yourself its ok to be human, give your feelings vent in private, and then get back to gratitude.

Gratitude and love truly are more natural states of being. It takes a lot of unlearning old habits to get back to that truth but when you do, you do reconnect with a natural state of innocence that makes life a lot easier, clearer, and certainly more joyful!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

True love

I recently lost a dear friend, not through death, but through misunderstanding. She was family to me. We communicated every day and have known each other for over a decade. Late last year when I was stressed, I was not as sensitive as usual and some things I said and did in innocence were terribly misinterpreted. My friend began to pull away, suddenly, without telling me why. I attempted to communicate several times and things seemed better after each conversation, but then she pulled away again. Her responses to my invitations became shorter and more curt and after one particularly painful rejection when I was attempting to reconnect, I knew I had to listen to what the angels were telling me, and let go. The angels made it clear that right now her journey was without me, and that I had triggered a pain much deeper than the issues at hand - one I could not fix, and one that was exacerbated by my presence in her life. The angels told me the kind thing to do was bless her, release her, and simply let her know I loved her. So I did. I wrote a brief note saying I would honor her desire not to communicate and that I loved her. I meant every word.

The time leading up to this letting go was painful. i deeply grieved the times we had shared, the fun, the friendship, the laughter, and her sweet and kind heart. One day, however, Archangel MIchael - the angel of truth and protection, who loves us all - showed up and said to me quite simply, "How long do you plan to suffer? Isn't it time you choose to love yourself in this too?" His words woke me up. He was right. While there was so much in the past that I missed, what had been going on recently was not loving or kind to me. I neither wanted nor deserved the rejection, lack of communication, and false pretenses that had gone on the last few months. I wanted kinder and more honest behaviors in my life.

The revelation was a big one for me. Many times in my life, I have chased after people who have been upset with me, trying to prove my love, my heart, and my intentions. I've tried to help them solve their childhood pain, often at my own expense, only to realize it didn't work after all. So, for the first time in my life, I gave up trying to fix what could not be fixed at this time. I released my friend to God's love and decided to love myself.

As soon as I sent the note, a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Immediately abundance started flowing, the readings deepened, my health started feeling better than ever, and all of life seemed amazing, happy, and miraculous once again. I started feeling the flow of God's grace. It has brought a clarity to my life that I previously didn't even know was missing.

I still think of my old friend with a lot of love. I pray for her, and trust that she is on the path she needs to be on. I have heard she is doing great, and I am too. God, in his infinite wisdom, moved us, to create more gentle and kind growth in both of our lives.

I have been rejected many times this lifetime. I have been unceremoniously dumped, misunderstood, scapegoated, vilified, and attacked. But the constant in my life is the love I feel from God and the angels. They are the friends who can never leave, the ones that always understand the purity of my heart, and the ones who constantly motivate me to be a more loving person. They're the ones I turn to first, when I am in need. Being a loving person does not always mean we are perfect, nor does it mean we will always be nice, always please others, or always appear to be "holy." But it does mean that time and again we can call forth the presence of God's love within us, through our own free will, choosing to love God first, self next, and others as a natural product of the first two.

We cannot offer true love to others until we grant that to ourselves. We cannot be at peace with others' feelings and choices until we allow ourselves our own. So when I'm hurt, I cry, rant, and rave, in private. I grant myself full expression as an act of love towards myself. It never fails... when the so-called negative feelings are flushed through my system, love follows, because always and forevermore, love is the deepest truth within us.

Challenge yourself this week to be truly loving to yourself. See how it changes your feelings towards others.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Getting rid of fear

I had a great opportunity to look fear in the face a few weeks ago. Right before Easter my dear older neighbor came to the door, knocking. When I opened the door he was holding up a big church sign with "Be Not Afraid" written on it. "What should I not be afraid of, " I asked him. He's a dear. He told me the house two doors down, just on the other side of him was robbed. This was the first break-in we've had on our block in twenty years and it unnerved us all. My neighbor proceeded to tell me he was going to sleep with a shot gun by his bed! "Just don't point it at my kitchen window!" I joked. He offered to lend me his other one. I declined.

I've done this work long enough to know God's love. And yet old fears from the past started creeping in and gripping my body. I have locks on the doors and windows, an alarm system that would wake the dead and call the police if anyone broke in, and a variety of other protections... not to mention one big hunky Archangel Michael. But that didn't stop me from tightening up and shaking a little. When I was little our house was broken into and it was unsettling. In past lives, I've been ripped out of my house and killed. And so my cellular memory was saying, "Uh oh, life's not safe!" In reality, I've been safe my entire lifetime. I knew it was time to put those old cellular fears to rest.

I know the truth, but those old thoughts kept plaguing me. My mind was already in the right place... but the old stuff wanted to come up and re-inhabit my thoughts. I didn't let it. Every time I had a fearful thought I banished it with a statement of truth. "What if somebody breaks in?" the crazy thoughts started up. Truth was my defense, "God loves me and if that happens I'll trust someone needs my stuff more than me." "What if someone tries to hurt me?" "If God wants me dead, I'll be dead but I'm here today I may as well live!" And then I called in the biggies. I asked Jesus and Archangel Michael to vacuum the fears out of me. I sat, breathed, and prayed. I asked them to work on me at night. It took a few weeks before my body settled down but I woke up one day in glorious truth, knowing what happens tomorrow doesn't matter as long as I create the best and most loving life I am able to create today.

Once I calmed down I realized I had all the security I could already in place, and that the rest was in God's hands. When I was a kid, our home was broken into when I was at the neighbors. We usually ran back and forth but for some reason that day we didn't. I was protected even back then.

We waste our lives in worry. We all do it. It erupts from our unconscious from the past, other lives, etc. Our brain tries to make itself feel in control by coming up with solutions for every possible scenario. But in reality, the monkey mind gets in the way of hearing our real guidance. Existing in a space of truth, faith, and belief in God's love is really the only way to live. It is the greatest protection on earth, the easiest way to hear your real loving guidance, and best of all... it feels good!

Saturday, April 07, 2012

He just needs love...

When I am out and about and I meet people I often hear the quote in my head, "... you may be entertaining angels unaware." We don't know who we are chatting with when we're kind to a store clerk. We don't know their story, their history, their talents, or their concerns. No one is ever defined by their role or station in life. That is too limiting! There is so much more to any given person. I had a wonderful experience of this the other day at Home Depot...

I had gone to get a simple light kit. A lamp broke and I had to rewire it. I figured it couldn't be that hard. I may have an EE degree but I never learned to wire anything in college! So off to the store I went. A gentleman working in the plumbing department asked me if I needed help. "Yes, but its with electrical," I replied. "So what! I can help you," Dave responded in a great Boston accent. He trotted over half the store with me to find the light kits and told me he'd wire it up for me himself, since he wasn't busy and I'd brought the lamp along! What a gift!

While he was working on my lamp, another contractor interrupted us to talk about a problem he was having. Dave, the kind associate began to tell this man, "I've seen this. I've been a contractor for 30 years..." The other man interrupted him with a horribly rude, snide remark, "Then what are you doing working at Home Depot?" I couldn't believe it. He looked at me for approval and I simply shook my head, gave him a sad look, turned away, and started praying. It was an unthinkable comment. My reaction made him uncomfortable. He apologized and finished the discussion. When he left, Dave said to me, "Ah, the guy just needed love," and he proceeded to tell me about his volunteer work at Maggies shelter - a place for homeless pregnant women who need help getting job training and getting back on their feet. Angels indeed! This humble soul working at Home Depot in the plumbing aisle was one more enlightened and kind than many I've met who profess to have life all figured out. Its so funny... the angels used to say to me, "Ann your work is no more or less holy than a plumber who is doing what he loves." So true.

Later in the week the shoe was on the other foot. I attempted to help someone who yelled at me! A scene was unfolding in the Costco parking lot as I put my groceries in my car. An impatient man gunned his car and nearly hit another one pulling out. He completely ignored yet another car waiting for the space. He was starting to yell at both the car pulling out and the man waiting. It wasn't looking pretty, so I finished packing my car, walked over, and started directing traffic!

I asked the angry man to back up so the car could pull out and explained that the other man had been waiting for the spot. Furthermore, I told him I'd pull out right after and he could have my spot. He responded by yelling at me! Out of my mouth came words that were clearly not from my personality but rather from my soul, "Honey, this is not worth all the upset. Back up, let this guy out, and that one in and then you can have my spot. Its not worth the trouble. You'll have a spot in 60 seconds." The words came out with such authority and love that the guy backed up without a word. I pulled out. He got my spot and all was well. His poor wife looked like she wanted to crawl under the dash.

This man was just defensive. He felt foolish that he had almost hit another car and so he took out his upset at himself on the rest of us. It wasn't about me, and I didn't have to react. In fact I felt good having diffused the situation. In the words of the angels, and the guy from Home Depot, "Ah this guy just needed a little love!" Try it next time someone is acting crazy. Its not about you. Either walk away or be firm and kind. Don't react to their energy. Stay in your own. Its a much happier way to live!