Saturday, February 11, 2012

Choice in a bi-solar reality!

i was born on the cusp of the two most opposite signs on the zodiac - Pieces and Aries. Internally I am sensitive, psychic, emotional, and in love with my creature comforts. Externally I am aries - outgoing, forceful, analytical, and in love with adventure. It is quite a challenging reality to live with two such opposing forces at play within my mind and heart at all times!

Although I've often joked that God made me bi-solar, I know it embodies the lessons I've came to learn and all I was meant to teach. With every choice I make I am torn between head and heart, and with every choice I make, I must balance the two.

In the past I have overanalyzed decisions to the death! When I painted my house seven years ago, I bought so many sample colors that the walls looked like a patchwork quilt. In the end the color my heart wanted won and of course I've been happy with it ever since. On a weekend I can easily agonize between doing projects, staying at home and resting, or going hiking. And if I get into my head and start trying to figure out which is best, there is never any good answer. I have to drop into my heart and say, "Ok, Ann, what do you feel like?" And I have to give up figuring out how the day will play out and trust that decision in the moment. It always works out magically when I trust my heart.

It is good to have the facts. As I look forward to some home improvements, I AM using my brain to read reviews on the different materials and parts. I am using my calculator to measure. But in the end, given all the facts, the heart will decide.

I think where we humans get into trouble with our choices is when we slip into wishful thinking and are in denial. In my thirties, I was deciding whether or not I "should" get into a relationship. Someone had come into my life who was convinced he was the man for me. I had just gotten out of a relationship in which the man cheated with everything that moved, and my heart was in such pain I couldn't hear it screaming at me. So I used my HEAD to decided about dating this man in front of me. "He seems nice. He cares about me. He's sure pursuing me." All the while my heart was trying to get my attention , "NO! Don't do it! You don't feel like dating him. You don't feel like dating anyone now." My head, with all its prior programs said, "But you don't want to hurt his feelings. He seems nice. Give him a chance." I even asked the angels, "What do you think?" They answered honestly, "You'll be together three year s. You'll help him release all his childhood pain. You'll learn not to take things personally." My mind spoke, "Oh God wants me to learn." Looking back, it was so easy to see that I was using my mind to justify ignoring my heart. I was wishing for a relationship and in total denial of my own heart.

I did get in the relationship and it was three years of the hardest growth I've ever done. I did help this man release his childhood abuse and finally learned not to take on his anger. I really did learn, but it came at a cost. Years later, I went back to the angels, "Why did you tell me to date this guy?" "We didn't," they answered, "We just gave you the facts." Oh my goodness, I saw they were right. "You mean if I had listened to myself and just told him to leave me alone, I would have learned all the lessons in one easy step?" I asked. "Yes," they replied. "Why didn't you tell me!" I fumed. "You were determined to be with someone. You were ignoring your feelings. You were in wishful thinking that he'd turn out to be the one. You were in denial of your own instincts." That was so hard to hear but they were right on all counts.

From then on, I've listened to my heart impeccably! I rarely do anything that doesn't feel right to me in the moment. As a result I've been a lot happier.

I still work on avoiding the over-analysis. I still go to the angels for guidance when I am not clear. But one thing I have learned is that the more I get out of wishful thinking and denial, the more clearly I can hear my heart. Given the reality of situation at hand, right in this moment, what feels right, right now?

Try living that way. Try dealing with the reality of life in front of you when you make your choices. Try to avoid wishful thinking and create the best you can given what is in front of you now. Magically then, you are guided to better and better.

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