Saturday, May 07, 2011

Feeling abundant

I will never forget how terrified I was years ago when, at the age of 33 my marriage was breaking up. I had married a wonderful man a year after college when neither of us had a clue who we were. We were both really good people just doing what we were "supposed" to do. We were both engineers, religious, and "dinky" - double income no kids yet. It wasn't until several years later that I began my spiritual explorations, felt my calling, and in short time became an alien to my very grounded and normal husband. We felt the gap between our goals and dreams widening, and yet we still cared so when we finally admitted we were going in different directions it was hard for both of us. We were scared. We felt like we failed. We bought a home divorce kit at B. Dalton's and sat at the kitchen table dividing our stuff up while crying with fear. Neither one of us wanted to hurt the other. There was no hatred here, just an acknowledgment that we lo ved each other and cared but we weren't in love at all. In fact when we were first married, I don't think either of us really knew what love was. It was a nice feeling, but you can't really love another until you know and love yourselves. We had grown. We both wanted more. The "more" just occurred on different pathways.

I thanked God that we could separate so kindly and yet at the same time, I was also terrified. I had just quit engineering and was beginning my career as an angel communicator by serving as "psychic in the window" of a local bookstore on two of the slowest days of the week. Although we divided our assets fairly, moving out of the home I had loved, decorated, and cared for was hard. Leaving my two dogs behind at the time was hard. I gave my husband the house because I knew it would make the transition easier on him and the dogs, and I knew I could manifest more. He gave me some savings to start my new life out. I moved out of a beautiful spacious home into a two bedroom apartment, cried my heart out, and started my new life.

"Ann," I'll never forget this message from the angels, "Everything you have ever created exists inside of you now. All you have to do is choose what you wish to bring to the surface once again. Enjoy your life. Embrace this new adventure. Be where you are and make the best of it, and watch what happens." I listened to their advice. I decorated my new apartment, embraced my new psychic career, began teaching classes, and slowly began to feel more abundant than I had in ages. This abundance didn't come from money at all. I had made a LOT more in engineering. I had a bigger home when I was married. I was able to do whatever I wanted then, and now I had to think about money, and yet I was FREE to be ME! I was enjoying my life. I was doing what I loved. I was getting up in the morning without the agony of trying to fit someone else's view of who I should be and without putting pressure on myself to do the same. Suddenly my small apartment felt liberating - there was less to care for. Suddenly my smaller salary didn't matter, because I was happy. Suddenly I realized that the angels were oh so right, abundance and money are two different discussions. And with this new found happiness, my career started to blossom.

And so even today, no matter how much or little I have in the bank I appreciate all the small things in my life. I give thanks for the flowers in my yard. I try to savor my breakfast while reading something inspiring in the mornings or simply sitting on the patio listening to the birds. It only takes ten minutes! And yet my soul is filled. I feel connected with animals, people, angels, God, and most importantly myself.

Feeling abundant doesn't take much more time, or more money - it does however take a little thought, a lot of self care, and sometimes a rearranging of priorities to make sure you are doing some of the things you love no matter how small the scale. Try it this week. Add a little more joy, a little more love, a little more meaning to the smallest aspects of your life and see how it makes you feel! Try connecting to the people around you a little deeper, even if only with a smile and a look into their eyes. The rewards will make you feel rich!