Saturday, February 05, 2011

The end of an era

The angel message was not what I expected, given the week I just experienced, and yet it is true, and it applies oh so dearly. I queue up these messages a week ahead of time, and so last week when the angels were talking about cleaning out the house, I had a feeling that meant my life was going to change.

For months, those of you on this newsletter know, the care of my aging dog Bruno has been an ever increasing challenge. I haven't slept more than a few hours most nights for months. I've been doing up to ten loads of wash a day. The past few weeks I've barely slept at all and have been sleeping on the dog bed with him, curled up against him and doing Reiki to comfort him.

He resisted his aging process every step of the way and refused to be put down for months. If I was not there to comfort him he'd wake me up hollering when he messed up his sheets, get up, fall down, slam against the wall. He was so determined to get around the way he used to. When I was with him, I could calm him, change his towels, do the wash, and hug him till he fell asleep in my arms peacefully once again. He'd wake up sometimes, look around in a panic, see me there, and then his face would soften into the most amazing and loving smile, and he'd snuggle up next to me and fall deeply asleep again in my arms yet again. It was hard going so long without sleep but I wouldn't trade that time for the world. There was so much love.

His earthly life ended a week ago on Friday night. The Thursday night prior, he was in pain and finally gave me permission to call the vet. I didn't hear back from the mobile vet to say she couldn't come till Friday morning, so I scheduled an appointment with our regular one on Saturday. All through the day his cries worsened till late Friday night when I was able to hold him, Reiki him and comfort him. He got a few hours sleep then woke up crying in pain. That was it. Within ten minutes we were at an emergency clinic, and I cradled his head in my hands as the kindest vet gave him sweet release. I was blessed with the opportunity to look in his eyes and thank him and I felt his love for me too just before. As he passed, I felt his spirit slip right through my body up and out into the light. My tears stopped instantly. He was no longer in pain! I felt his JOY and the magnificence of his spirit. The vet asked me if I wanted a few minutes with "him" b ut as I looked at this body on the office floor, I realized there was none of "him" left in it. It looked like a stuffed animal without the animation and life force of his precious soul. So I left and we drove home together, me in the physical this time, and him in spirit. Exhausted I went to bed and his spirit curled up next to me in the most tangible, tender, and warm embrace. I don't believe I have ever felt so loved. I slept deeply for the first time in ages and woke up feeling the joy of his soul once again.

Since then he has been around almost constantly, giving me messages, telling me to buy pink roses, then a few minutes later having a dear friend show up with.. pink roses! He beeped another friends' smoke alarm 15 minutes after he died. I had been telling him when he went to the light he could visit this friend who lived far away! He did! And so in death he has expanded into a greater and more magnificent new life. It is hard to feel a "loss" most of the time because I feel him with me. A few waves of grief have hit hard, and I'm letting myself feel them deeply because that is just part of the human experience to miss the physical form of those we love. Still after a good cry, I pull out the crazy happy smiling pictures and once again give thanks for his beautiful soul. I feel blessed by his life and the joy, laughter, and lessons we shared.

So yes, nothing is without purpose, no matter how hard. My dear dog taught me so much in his final days. His tantrums forced me to find love even when someone was hollering at me. HIs stubbornness and refusal to be put down till the end caused me to learn to release myself from "saving or fixing" anyone and to just love him through his journey. The lack of sleep made me realize that meditation and plugging into God is all we need to keep us going - mostly we do that in our sleep but since I wasn't getting any the meditation did it. He forced me through sheer fatigue to speak my truth, feel everything within me, and become more direct and real than I ever have been. My readings have been more awesome. My heart has been expanded, and I feel even more so than before that I truly am living in two worlds at once. God bless this beautiful soul for the love he gave me on earth and the love he continues to show me every day. It wasn't easy but the spiritu al gifts that came from this experience are too numerous to mention.

So when you face challenges, the pain of others, the upsets of those you love, look at yourself and what you are learning there, because it is in learning to love ourselves and balance that with love for another that we hone our skills as the lightworkers we truly are on this planet, honoring all as One, all as part of God's creation, including ourselves, and all as love.

Bless you and thank you all for all the love during this journey. Lucy my girl dog wanted me to reassure you all that she is grieving a little but more so enjoying the increased attention and having all the treats to herself. We enjoyed a greek omelette the day after Bruno left us so his passing didn't feel quite so bad to her :)!! Talk about seeing the light in the dark... just ask a dog to show you how!

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