Saturday, April 24, 2010

Learning to receive

When I was younger I couldn't cry. I felt like I had to be strong and 'up' all the time. Then as I started to grow spiritually the floodgates opened up. To allow yourself feeling without judging yourself is a real trick. Now if I'm exhausted I have a quick but wonderful wallow and then go comfort myself. If I'm upset I have a private hissy fit and get it over with, and if I feel love and gratitude I don't hold back on expressing those either. Whatever is inside of me now must flow. It sure makes life easier. I have access to more energy. It takes a tremendous force to damn up a river. It takes just about as much energy to pretend we do not feel what we already do feel, deep down inside of ourselves.

Before the volcano in Iceland blew I had such pressure in my body I felt like my brain was going to explode. I kept breathing, relaxing, releasing, and then had to do it again. I kept imagining my energy dropping into my heart, where there is always flow. And then I had to do that again. Although I knew I was resonating with earth, I also knew that if I wasn't holding back some feeling, I wouldn't feel any pressure. And so I dove inside.

After coaching a friend about allowing ourselves to receive more from the universe, I took a good hard look at myself and my own beliefs. I realized I do not always receive when I want to because I don't want to 'bother' people. Hogwash, the angels say. You like to help. Get over it and let others help you! And so I had a good cry for all the years I felt I had to be so strong while friends were waiting in the wings to assist, and got over it.

I called a friend who came over and helped with some heavy tasks. I called a wonderful person to do some very much needed home repairs, and I "bothered" another friend for thoughts on a decision I was making. These requests may sounds so silly and simple, but within a week everything started becoming easier. A task that would have hurt my body and taken an hour took five minutes with help. The home repairs are coming along beautifully while I have opportunity to channel the newsletter. A dear client sent goodies in the mail, some of which I really needed but hadn't had the opportunity to go and buy. And although I still have challenges in life (who doesn't!), everything is getting easier. All I had to do was go inside and admit to myself what I wanted, and then act accordingly. That last part is key... after you admit what you want, you have to start behaving in a consistent fashion.

When we stuff our stuff, life mirrors it to us in wild ways. If we are exhausted and don't admit, life will push us deeper into exhaustion until we do. If we are sad and don't admit it to ourselves, we just get more despondent. If we are upset and don't admit it, the upset festers instead of just moving through us and creating new resolve to create. When you acknowledge a feeling inside of you, you are just saying, "Ok I see you, you deserve love too but let's get on with life." When you deny a feeling you are saying, "That part of me is unlovable." And when you think something in you is unlovable, life will work on you until you can love that too.

So love everything inside of yourself - every last bit of it. Admit things to yourself, and then ask for help from the heavens with the hard stuff in life. God I'm sad, comfort me. God I'm upset. I want better treatment. God I'm tired, bring real help my way and shift me so I can accept it. The list of prayers goes on, but these are the ones that receive so much love. Would you deny a crying child a little hug, or an upset baby attention? God and the angels won't deny us this love either. Our task is to know that, love ourselves no matter what, and believe God cares enough to help.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The gift of God's love for another

I had the most amazing experience the other day. I was driving through a section of town where people aren't doing too well. As I waited at a stoplight I saw a young black man sitting on the curb, head in his hands. Although he looked tough on the outside, he looked tired on the inside. The angels gave me a "download" as I looked at him. They told me he was hard working, trying to help his family, and stay out of the trouble, but he was exhausted and feeling like life was just going to be hard.

Suddenly I heard the angels in my head say, "Go back and give him $20." The light had turned green and I had already turned the corner but the urge inside was so strong, I pulled over, turned around and parked behind him. He looked up at me suspiciously as I approached. I was direct, "I know your going to think this is weird, but I talk to angels and they just told me you were working very hard in your life and to give you $20." I handed him the $20 and he looked at me in total surprise. "Somebody up there loves you," I said and looked into his eyes.

I thought he was going to cry - his face softened and his eyes got moist. It wasn't about the money. It was about the love. It was about letting this kid who was obviously trying to get to work and do his best, know that no matter how hard life gets, God doesn't forget you. I felt all that pass through me as we looked at one another. "Good luck," I said and left, but then I had to get in the car and cry because I felt God's love for this young man pouring through my entire being as if I were simply a vessel through which water was poured. The love was so huge and so profound, that I could barely focus on the road. It brought me to tears. He gave me the peace sign as I drove back and I smiled and waved back. Truly I received much more than I was able to give.

The love I felt is how much God loves us all. It is mind blowing, profound, unconditional, sweet and all-encompassing. This is what EACH of us can feel if we open up to receive God's love. And the more we listen to our hearts, the happier we get, and the more we can give. This truly is living in the flow of Grace. I want more of it, and so I am committed to greater levels of self love, because as the angels say, the true SELF was created by God. What's not to love :)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Queen of clean

I have watered my life with tears often, only to come out the other side into the sunshine, as the angels like to say. Recently when eight inches of mold grew in a bathroom cabinet in only three days it scared the living daylights out of me. Visions of my house being eaten by fuzzy black microscopic creatures danced in my head. I went on the warpath with bleach, vinegar, pine sol, peroxide, tea tree oil, you name it. I cleaned everything out of the bathroom, down to the last nail polish and bleached all of that. I gave away excess, threw away stuff that was too old to use, and moved into the other bathroom so as to avoid moisture problems.

For awhile, I was too scared to call a mold expert in to have a look. One quoted me quite a hefty rate and that was just for starters. A few weeks ago however, the angels pointed out to me that fear was a moldy old energy and it would be better to focus on having a shiny clean home and to focus on the fact that I had wanted to redo the bathroom since I moved in. It was true! What a way to create change! So I focused on my clean house and truly in the last few weeks cleaned everything down to the baseboards and walls. My house started feeling very happy since I was giving it a lot of love. And suddenly spirit inspired me to call back the mold company with the insane quote. It ends up they had misunderstood what I needed, and assumed I needed more than a check. So for a very reasonable fee, they came out and checked my house. It ends up that channeling the Queen of Clean these past few weeks paid off. I have no leaks, no more mold, and am clear to redo the bathroom when I can save up and get it done. Funny that the bathroom is symbolic of cleaning!!! I was SO relieved.

I know had I continued to live in fear, that mold would have grown and caused me a big problem. It was my teacher. Instead I focused on the clean house, and cleaned the house. I waited for God to inspire me as to what to do next. I didn't let fear eat away at what was good and true in my soul. I didn't panic and pay the huge rate the mold men originally wanted. And so now I have a new adventure ahead when I can - to create a space I've always wanted. Who knows when that will happen? I do trust the universe and it's wonderful magic to continue to assist me there as well.

When we focus on what we want, rather than what we don't, we attract help in getting it. When we focus on what we are trying to avoid we just give it more energy! I no longer want my energy going into anything other than believing in God's great love. I DO, in my mind of course believe in that all the time. Now however, it seems the universe is saying, let's put that into practice Ann and let yourself have life run more smoothly and easily. I like that lesson. I like releasing the struggles, being patient, waiting for good answers, and then acting. And in that space, I have found a flow of Divine Grace that is even better than before.

So if you find yourself facing challenge of any sort, the first step is to avoid getting into a tizzy and realize there is just something to learn. Then focus on the outcome you want. Assume God loves you enough to help you. Be patient and wait for the next step and in the meantime, enjoy your life. Act on guidance. And watch the magic of God's love unfold in your life !!

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Live like you were dying

Death has been on my mind a lot lately. Ever since the angels told me my soul chose to stick around longer than originally intended, the rest of life's challenges seem small. I am looking at the world through new eyes. I've been getting rid of stuff and passing along things that I've held onto for years. And it no longer makes sense not to love.

My dogs are making me think of death as well. My dearest husky keeps telling me he is not going to be here very long. He is aging and having a hard time walking around, and I know when the time comes he has agreed to let go easily in his sleep. Nonetheless, that makes the moments we have together even more precious. He doesn't want me changing my life and spending every moment with him as I would be prone to do, but rather wants me to keep living. He did make a special request a few weeks ago, to go on a trip to Sedona with me, and so we loaded up both dogs in the car, and even though it required some limping, he went straight for the creek, stood in the moving water and smiled as big as only a dog can smile. I could read his mind... "Now I'm satisfied."

I hug and kiss my dog every night now with great tenderness and love. He won't tell me if 'soon' means weeks, months, or years, although I suspect. After years of lessons in love, he is teaching me one more valuable and priceless lesson - to treasure every moment we have, to speak with love, to look at one another with love, and to be tender and kind even when things get difficult. We all know that, but to put it into practice every moment feels so right. I have a tendency to look at him and cry every now and then, knowing he won't physically be here long, but in typical dog fashion, he telepathically says, "I'm here now. Be happy!" So I smile and say, "I got it," and he breaks out in a big doggie grin as well. I am humbled before my four footed teacher once again!

We have even begun a little game to prepare for our new relationship after he leaves physical form. I put my third eye on to his, and forehead-to-forehead, I send him pictures of us romping around in spirit together in fields of flowers. When I asked him to send me a picture of what he wants me to do with him when he gets to heaven, he showed me a picture of me sitting in the planter box with him, just smiling at each other!! I laughed so hard I nearly cried again! He has truly taught me that to sit and be with a loved one is a joy unto itself. I often go out in the yard and just sit beside him. He taught me to sniff the air, feel the sun and the breeze on my face, and listen to the bird songs. He has taught me that love and life and joy can be very, very simple.

How would we all treat each other if we knew we were on borrowed time? What if knew the guy that cut you off in traffic was going to be in an accident later on... would we swear or rather pray for him? I saw that happen the other day. What if you knew an ex lover was going to die? Wouldn't we want to let go of upsets and forgive and make peace? This happened to several clients of mine. What if we knew our own temporary nature, truly and deeply? Wouldn't we live the lives we wanted to live? In the words of a terrific country song, I wish we all could "Live like we were dying." I know we'd all live and love more fully. We could appreciate even the tough stuff. I am blessed to be living that way now. It is amazing.

So as we approach Easter, know that resurrection of the soul follows every death, be it physical or emotional. If your life falls apart, God will rebuild. If you lose a job, you'll get another one. If you lose a loved one, you can be assured they have been born into a new and glorious and joyous reality. And the more we let go of what is no longer serving us, as the angels say, the more we are born into a glorious, simpler, and more loving reality. I give thanks for the rebirth and the incredible peace that comes with it, and wish you all a very happy holiday.