Saturday, March 27, 2010

Grateful to be alive

I am grateful to be alive. I never have had any real serious thoughts of dying young. However, lately I have caught myself praying very hard to "live fully" for no good reason except that was the prayer in my heart. One psychic friend wrote out of the blue last month to tell me, "It wasn't my time." I thought that was odd. Another psychic friend kept checking my car tires for some odd reason. I thought that was odd, but appreciated the car. Still another kept urging me to care for my health. I got a little irritated because I felt fine other than the little parasite issues I'm healing. When I asked them all why, no one knew. I didn't think much more about it.

And a few months ago a car nearly broad-sided me when I was on the road. The driver was absolutely unaware of my presence as they gunned their car at me from the exit to the Sedona Visitor's center. If not for angels holding my hands and helping me veer around it and time the brakes just perfectly...well I shudder. Uncharacteristically I was very shaken, but I shook it off. It was in Sedona, right as you round the corner on 179 and see the beautiful view of Bell Rock. I've often made a little joke that this spot is "the gateway to heaven." Little did I know it could have been.

Those of you following this newsletter know I've been bringing up and cleaning out everything in my mind, body, home, you name it. I'm cleaning out like a crazy woman in my spare time - washing walls, ceiling fans, going through drawers, finishing projects, donating stuff... you name it. I've done a ton of healing sessions and past life regressions these past several months to clean out my soul too. I am finishing off a bout with parasites, planning to get my back bathroom updated to clear out any remnants of mold when God sends me the ability to do so. Cleaning and clearing seem to be the theme. I've never done it this deeply and wasn't quite sure what was up with it... it was just in my heart to clear out the old and make room for the new. It has been an intense and furious time of growth for me.

As many of you know I get readings from the angels through my friend Summer Bacon periodically to keep me on track and to hear the angels without my own personal biases and wishes for myself. I decided to get a reading before my birthday to keep me on track for the upcoming year and to receive some mentoring.

Imagine my shock when Dr. Peebles, the angel that comes through Summer, told me that they were thrilled for me, and that my 46th birthday last Sunday marked a special day for me because, before I came to earth, I had planned to die prior to this date and join them guiding people up in the heavens. He continued to say that because of my growth and free will, I had chosen to live and life my life fully. I had not mentioned any of this to Summer prior to the reading. I had not even thought about the odd things going on in my life and heart. But something in his statement resonated with my soul, shook me to the core, and made me realize that I might not even have been here had I made different choices. I burst into uncontrollable tears, and cried for nearly two days straight. I was grateful to be alive.

Then last Sunday, on my birthday, the deepest peace I have ever felt came over me. I didn't know what day or time it was. Everything looked new to me. I felt reborn. I felt truly and deeply alive in a very very peaceful way. I was grateful for everything - the good, the friends, the family, the challenges, the pain - all of it.

I know I argued with the angels about coming to earth before I was born. I knew it wasn't going to be easy growth for me to get over the fears I'd carried from lifetimes of attack. I knew it wasn't going to be easy to stand in public, be human, and say, "It's all Good, and It's all God, and it's all love." Nonetheless, I'm glad I have. Now it seems, in spite of all life's challenges - parasites, bathroom remodels on the horizon, aging dogs that wake me up periodically many nights a week and require constantly cleaning - there is a deep, deep peace that has been settling into my heart. This is just life being life. I'm here to learn, but not to make it harder, to surrender and handle things with joy, and most of all to love. I feel that deeply in my bones. I am starting to truly surrender at levels I didn't know I could. And I will never ever again take life and it's richness - challenges or not - for granted, because I am living beyond what my soul originally planned. And no matter how crazy life can get, when you think of not being here, it is a gift beyond price or compare.

It is funny that in my job I dwell with the reality of death every day, and yet, until you think, "That could be me up there," you don't really realize how precious life is.

I am grateful for each one of you, and I promise I'll be sticking around a long, long time! The choice has been made, and I feel very blessed. Heaven is beautiful but earth is a precious and amazing adventure, not to be taken for granted. Each one of you is a blessed and precious part of my path too. You support me as I do you, and we are all in this together.

Enlightenment was never meant to be sitting cross legged on a mountain top, although I do enjoy that! Enlightenment is just bringing love, and light, and joy into whatever life deals. The earth needs our light. And it sure feels good to BE that light. I think we all need to lighten up!!

God bless you all. Treasure your days no matter what they bring, for you are here, able to enjoy one of the most precious and rare experiences a soul can enjoy - life on earth!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Guidance in the here and now

I have been living in the present so much more these days and I just love it! It helps me enjoy the time I am spending with friends. It helps me embrace the housecleaning as a way of loving my home rather than something to just 'get through." And it gives me a lot more energy in spite of not much sleep because I'm not thinking of the fact that the dog woke me up three times last night when I am truly present today. Now I have energy.

Life often highlights these lessons. I had the wild and crazy urge to climb as high as a human can go without ropes on Bell Rock in Sedona last weekend. I've done it before (when I was younger!) and it is always a bit precarious and scary because there are areas where you have to scoot up narrow steep rock areas, and climb on cliffs. Nonetheless, everything in me wanted to go! It turns out, it was a lesson on presence once again!

I made it up easily to the first difficult spot. Then all the sudden past and possible future came crashing in on me. "You've been stupid in the past Ann. Don't kill yourself today!" "What if you can't do it?" And so on... you know how the voices in your head can all of the sudden decide to mutiny against all heart-centered plans! So I got present. I breathed, sat and asked the angels if this would be safe to do today. "Yes if you go slow and are present," came the answer. And so I took each tedious step very slowly and carefully. I stopped and rested when I was tired, instead of pushing onward with wobbly legs like I used to do. At one point I almost chickened out. I didn't know if I could haul myself up the cliff the way I used to so I sat once again, breathed and checked in. I got the green light and sure enough it was easier than I thought. I was rewarded with stunning and spectacular vistas. But most of all I was rewarded with a reminder that life is lived most comfortably and fully if we are fully present to where we are at... one step at a time! Gotta love how those angels teach!

So this week enjoy the present of the present, where you get the best guidance, feel your own heart most fully, and know what to do next. If you feel uncentered, breathe, look around you and focus on where you are, who you are with, and then your own feelings. This zaps me back to now pretty quickly.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Angel Humor to the rescue

Lately I've been having a lot of opportunities to laugh at the lessons in my life. I had HUGE intentions in January and with huge intentions, often come huge opportunities to grow. I DID intend to get anything in my mind, heart, body, soul, and home out that would prevent me from feeling God in all areas of life. I had a past life regression* which ended up with me in a trance surrounded by spirit doctors yanking all sorts of icky energy from past lives out of my solar plexus area. I woke up out of the hypnosis feeling wonderful but knowing I was in for some serious growth after that!!

Soon after, old-appliance breakdown week occurred. A few weeks later, I got a case of intestinal parasites that bloated me out one weekend till I looked like a woman nine months pregnant! (I did think about taking pictures and sending them home to mom as a joke, but refrained!). I got rid of those then was diagnosed with cellular parasites. Now I'm on a program to get rid of those. The dog got more mites but since I didn't overreact, we got rid of those. About this time I had a reading with Dr. Peebles, the angel who comes through my friend Summer Bacon ( to get some perspective without my own biases! The angels reminded me that I had wanted everything dark within me up and out! They said the parasites were in there all along dormant and I told them, "Wake up, get out! Go into the light and leave me alone!" I did laugh. It was true.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief, thinking I was done cleaning up all the critters that didn't belong in, on, or around me or the dogs, when lo and behold, a week later, I opened the back bathroom cabinet and in three days since I last opened it, a nice patch of mold was growing! That was IT! I was frustrated. I sat down and said, "Ok God, I DID intend to clean out everything but I need help!!" I want everything out of this house that doesn't belong. I want it cleaned up now! And I want to be able to afford it! I put a load of towels in the washer and apparently there were too many, and the washer overflowed! I pulled it out to clean and lo and behold, more yuck yuck underneath there! I got that cleaned up and laughed at how quickly this prayer was being answered. Everything in my house is going to be squeaky clean at this rate!

I was immediately guided to web sites, products, and tips to get rid of all traces of the stuff. It stopped growing and I'm on a program now to make sure the air in the back bathroom is clean. Summer told me Dr. Peebles recommends boiling a pot of water with 1 quart of apple cider vinegar in the house till the pot is near the bottom to get rid of anything in the air. SO my house is stinky now but certainly purified beyond reason, and it certainly was an affordable remedy. I also hired my friend Susan Palmer to do a house clearing ( And I called a mold abatement guy who gave me a few more tips for free over the phone, and told me what I was describing wasn't a catastrophe. It gave me peace of mind, and who would think anyone would do anything for free anymore?

I handled it all really well for the most part. I did have one really good cry the day I found the mold. After all I am human and I have watched one too many "Extreme Home Makeovers" in which mold takes over whole house! And although I wouldn't mind meeting Ty Pennington to thank him for all the good he does in the world, I'd rather not do it with the crew leveling my house!! Humor and perspective came back quickly in a meditation in which Archangel Michael reminded me that I was a child of the living God and it was really silly to let microscopic spores control my mood! He said if I could avoid letting them control my mood, they certainly couldn't control my house :) I knew he was right, so I lightened up and just handled things.

Even in spite of my good mood, after an intense day of scrubbing, spraying, mopping, etc, I was tired and in need of some inspiration. When I sat down at the computer to work Sunday night, I said a brief prayer for inspiration and upliftment. Within minutes, my iTunes program started playing songs, all by itself! I knew it was an angel because of the song choices - there was no playlist that created the selection that proceeded to play for an hour on my computer! Instead the first song that came on was one of my many favorites - "Skyflight" by Robin Miller - the last was his song "Angel Heart" and in between were Hindu, Muslim, Native American, Hawaiian, Buddhist, Christian, and various other songs whose lyrics made me smile and spoke to me! It couldn't have been more perfect. I went to bed feeling very loved and as if nothing challenging had occurred at all that day.

It is true that we can choose how we react to life. More and more I'm reacting with surrender to the moment, humor, and a good attitude. And as a result I know that these items that I'm cleaning up were there all along waiting to be handled and now they'll be done, and I'll have time to write again and do the things I want to do in my life. Life isn't against me. I didn't do anything 'wrong' - I just made choices in the past to let energies and people in my life that wreaked a bit of havoc, and now I'm cleaning up the last remnants and residue of the vibrational ramifications of those choices. Life is good.

So when life throws you a few curves, remember, they may be leftovers from choices made in the past, but if you handle it well now, your future will be oh so much better!

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Dumpster diving for the soul

I've been in angel boot camp for years! The biggest lesson I've faced is learning to love myself - no matter what. I've had to learn to love myself when I'm upset - the angels say it is just truth coming to the surface in awkward ways. I've had to learn to love myself when sad - the angels say that when we're sad, we're saying we want more and that is self-love. I've had to learn to love myself when I'm cranky, tired, frustrated, or anything else I used to consider less than spiritual. At first I used to ask, "But how can I love myself when I'm cranky?" The angels would say, "When you are cranky, there are unevolved parts inside of you that want love and care, much like a child who is tired, upset, or frustrated they are throwing tantrums! Go inside of yourself and see who wants love." And so I would sit, meditate and say, "Who inside of me is cranky." Often I heard a voice answer back. "ME, you are not taking care of yourself," or "ME, you didn't speak up yesterday," or "ME, you promised me a day off and you did some work." The list goes on! And so I would negotiate with this part of myself and thus heal the frustrations.

Late last year, I had to go diving into myself again. I humorously call it "dumpster diving" when I go within myself to find the love underneath a less than loving emotion!

It had been a long day at work, and I didn't finish emails, accounting, doggie duties, etc. until late. I had no sooner sat down to eat my dinner at 8:30pm when my dog whom had just received a ton of affection started non-stop whining. He does this when I don't give hime enough attention for his tastes. Most often I tease him, ignore it, or just go about my business until he smiles and I have time to hug him some more. But this night I got SO frustrated. I looked at him and uncharacteristically spoke harshly. "Leave me alone! I'm sick of your whining! I take care of you two all day and everyone else too and all I want to do is eat dinner before bedtime. Go to bed!" My dear dogs ran off into the bedroom while I ate. Some button had been pushed... I had a hissy fit and continued to huff and puff. "All day long I give give give to you two. I wash your towels twice a day, pick up your doo doo, wake up at 3am and 5am to let you out, give you supplements, boil your eggs, pick up yor youknowwhat, boil your chicken, feed you pumpkin with your dinner so your tummies feel well, rub your butts, give you Reiki and massages, spend more money that I humanly should, and more time than I have for myself every day, just to keep you both comfortable... and you WHINE?" Bruno, my dear husky looked at me rather sheepishly, turned away, and let out a loud sigh. I could hear his thinking, "She's not getting it."

Now I felt bad. I had spoken harshly to this dog I loved with all my heart. I knew it was time to go diving into myself and see who and what was incapable of being compassionate as usual. "Ok, in there. Who is upset?" I asked. A voice answered quickly, "ME! You aren't taking care of yourself FIRST. You've slipped back into old habits and because you aren't taking care of yourself and eating before finishing your work, you are tired, frustrated, and don't want to take care of anyone else." Uh, busted! So I immediately changed my habits. Now I eat dinner by 7pm, take care of the dogs and give them a lot of love, THEN finish the office work. That works SO much better. It was a simple change. Now when my dear doggies whine I have a full heart and I can gently tease them or ignore it and not feel resentful. I went and thanked my dog for setting me straight. He broke into a huge grin and looked at the other dog as if to say, "She got it!" Lucy started smiling too and they both looked at me with fully humorous grins on their faces. I stood humbled before my teachers! Treats were definitely in order.

So when you feel anything less than happy, go diving within yourself to find what part of you is upset, scared, frustrated, etc., and what it needs to be joyful again. Joy is the natural state of the soul. Anything less is a reminder that we're not really loving ourselves somehow. Even when we get upset at another, it would be more loving to say, "We can't change them. What can we change inside of ourselves?" That is where the true power in life lies... and it is easier to change your inner world than have constant reminders that you need to do so presented by the outer world!