Friday, November 27, 2009

Don't jam up the love

The angels recently told me I have an old habit of feeling like I had to tone down my joy when others in the world are suffering. I just couldn't see that anymore, so I asked them to show me how I do that. Oops! I forgot the joyful/gentle part of that request! And so I noticed that I toned myself down just a tiny bit when around a friend who was having a harder time. I saw a few thoughts in my head that said, don't rub in how good you feel around her when she doesn't feel that great. And within three hours a head cold started to set in!! I have had such a powerful flow of energy running through me lately that when I jam it up in any way at all, its like trying to damn up a river. My body always lets me know!

And while it is true that we can always blame outer circumstances, better to go within and own the lessons, give thanks and move on. I sat on the couch with a painful scratchy feeling trying to possess my throat, and rather than whining, acknowledged the lesson. "Ok God, I see how I did this to myself. I forgive myself, and want to move on and let the joy flow through me again and be well." Since the cold setting in was promising to be a nasty one if I didn't get my spiritual act together, I figured I better pull out all the stops. It was SO tempting to whine but I knew whining would cement the misery in place! So instead, I just dropped into my heart... "What do I want here?" "I want comfort - a hug for starters because I feel yucky." So I sat still, asked the angels for a hug, and fully expected it to arrive. Within minutes their warmth surrounded me. I asked them to help me get back in the flow of grace, to remove all erroneous thoughts from me, and help me release my old habit of toning myself down. I felt more warm heat flow through the top of my head and sat there basking in their light while focusing on my own in a meditation as well.

After I fixed my emotional/vibrational state, the next step was to ask for guidance. So I did and immediately thoughts of warm salt water popped in my head. Off to gargle with salt water. I drank it by the bucket the next day, so much so that I felt I was going to merge with the vibration of the ocean. That thought gave me great peace and comfort as well!! All the anti-oxidants in the house were pulled out, as well garlic, my vitamin C, and enough water with lemon or vinegar in it to kill anything. And within just two days the cold was nearly gone. I was tired but avoided what could have been a miserable sickness during my Thanksgiving break. Instead I was able to have dinner with friends, celebrate the gifts in our lives, and know that all sickness, misery, and pain, is simply a result of resisting or jamming up the love that wants to flow through us naturally. It was a good lesson, and I truly do give thanks for it.

I also give thanks for you, and for all the souls on this mailing list because I know even though we may never meet, our lights touch in the realms of spirit and we support one another in this journey here upon the earth. I keep you all in my prayers daily and ask God to bless you and all whom you love. May you too know the light of God's love as it flows through your own heart, every minute of every day, and may you know the bright and beautiful souls that you all are.

Love and hugs,
Ann

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Loving it all!

The last 9 years of my life have been an exploration in self love. It all began when I was dating a man who was very wounded and very angry. And yet, this very man introduced me to my friend Summer Bacon, who channels Dr. Peebles, an angel who had been working with me most of my life, unbeknownst to me, and who has mentored me in every aspect of self love and self-acceptance. I used to think I could only love myself when I was being kind, "holy," and in a good mood. And so I faked it often. I pretended to be happy when I was not. I tried to love people whose souls I could love but whose personalities were unthinkably cruel to me. I put up with abuse, as if martyrdom was a higher calling than happiness. And I pretended to forgive when my soul was still crying in pain. I was trying to be angelic without accepting anything within me that was human.

Little by little God ripped my lies apart until I could accept myself in any given moment.

I learned to accept and love myself when I was upset, and so the need for upset became less and less because now I am no longer fighting my own truths within. If someone is unkind to me now, I can either listen with love or move away with love because I no longer need to defend my own goodness. I know who I am.

If I am sad, I accept that this simply means I am longing for some greater love or kindness in the moment and that means I love myself. I can even appreciate the beauty beneath a good wracking, sobbing cry when necessary because it is innocent, human, and just an authentic cry for love. It doesn't mean anything more than that. On the few occasions I still need to cry, I just ask the angels to come in and comfort me and they do. We'd never judge a baby crying, would we? Why must we judge ourselves?

All these lessons came to the forefront of my life a few months ago when a longtime friend who was in dire pain unleashed torrents of rage, frustration, and pain on me. I had attempted to say encouraging things that unfortunately came across as being unrealistic. I had mentioned a few challenges I was having that were nothing compared to her own and came across as insensitive. And while I knew in my heart of hearts that my only intention ever had been to be supportive and loving, I also knew that my friend's perception of my comments was absolutely real for her. Because I truly cared about her and sensed the depth of her pain, I listened and did my best to understand her point of view. It wasn't easy. But by the grace of God (because I was praying) I was able to hear her perceptions of me, my statements, and the pain beneath them. I saw her soul crying out for love in an unthinkably trying time in her life. I was able to listen and acknowledge her point of view and promise to adjust my speaking so as not to trigger more pain in her life. And I know, looking back, that I was only able to do this because I know myself as a good and loving person, and had no need to react or defend my statements. I just wanted to love and understand her instead.

I thank God I've learned this level of self love or a dear friendship would have been wasted over my angry reactions, and while it would be easy to blame her instead of taking responsibility for the creations in my life, I now want to take responsibility for my choices, perceptions, and reactions to life. I want to choose love over, and over, and over, no matter how hard it is. I know that had I reacted defensively, this situation would have escalated into unthinkable pain for both of us. I did get off the phone and cry my eyes out, because it hurt. And I accepted those tears as tears of self love because while I love my friend I wanted to be treated with greater kindness in the future. Through a lot of prayer and honest dialogue, we worked it out and all is well again. I give her credit for being willing to communicate even when it came out so angrily - it was her soul crying out for love underneath it all, and it was the best she could do at the time. It totally created movement and growth in our relationship. It took courage on her part, and a lot of compassion on mine. We have now reached deeper levels of understanding with one another as we continue to grow and mature spiritually.

If you can truly love yourself in all your moods, and in all situations (and it is a choice), then you can truly share love with others. If you can understand that when you are angry you are crying for love; when you are sad your are mourning losing something you loved; when you are frustrated you are wanting to understand how to create more in life, etc., then... when you see those darker emotions in another you can understand them as well because we are all, deep-down, human and made of the same stuff.

So practicing true self love and acceptance, far from being narcissistically selfish is instead a gift to the world. When you truly know the loving and kind and well-intentioned soul that you ARE, then you can see beneath the pain of the world and see that desire for love and connection in others as well, no matter how they act or behave. You can realize you are a good person even if you aren't 'perfect' according to some standard in the moment. You can create and manifest more good in your life from a place of love ever, than from a place of self-deprecation and self-criticism.

You are perfect just the way you are, just as a rosebud is perfect in and amongst the thorns before it blooms into the magnificent rose.

May you have a week filled with wonder and stand in awe of your own bright and beautiful souls.
Ann

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Don't be afraid to feel

After channeling this week's message, the angels told me to read the reviews for one of my books. That sounded odd, but when I get such clear guidance, I just go do it. So I found "Whispers of the Spirit" on amazon.com and read people's thoughts on it. Most were very nice. One, however, really caught my attention! The reviewer said he first thought "Good lord, this woman is an emotional basketcase. How can anyone tolerate her manic depressive swings? Moreover, how did they tolerate her at Honeywell? What's more, why am I reading 3 pages of this process?" ... He kindly went on to say he understood it was a journey of transformation. I really liked this review. it was honest and the person sharing it shared their own soul as well.

I could see why someone reading it would think me unbalanced. The book was written over 13 years ago when I was just beginning to understand the spiritual path, and to wake up to the fact that what I thought would make me happy in life - marriage, job, success, was not making me anywhere near happy. The truth is my chemistry was fine - it was my soul that was in need of healing.

So many people in our society are afraid to feel deeply. I was afraid to publish that book because I knew people would judge me for feeling so deeply and being so honest about it. The manuscript sat in a box on a shelf for 11 years until the angels finally poked and prodded me enough to let it out into the world. The feedback has been awesome. I'm dedicated to proclaiming in public, "It's ok to be human!!" We are here to do it!! And in that humanity - in each and every moment, in every feeling - be it dark or light - we can dig deep, find love within us, and find God. That's the real business of life.

When you have the courage to ask to truly know God's presence in your life, you will face everything that is illusion within. You'll face your fears, angers, insecurities, etc., and you'll feel crazy at times doing it. You may swing between great joy and deep despair. And you will do so because you have the courage to do what we are here on this earth to do - to dig within our own spirits and find the illusions of separation that have held us bound for centuries, held us in a lie that we are anything less than God's love, and have kept us worrying more about what the world thinks than about being who really are. Carolyn Myss, a great spiritual teacher has an awesome tape series called "The Dark Night of the Soul" in which she dives into this phenomena. When you ask to know God you have to slug through a lot of your own muck before you find the glorious light within. It can be hard. It is not always pretty. But it is SO worth the effort, for when you work on yourself from the inside out, you allow divine grace to be your guide, and you allow the magic and the wonder of your own soul to unfold out into the world. You become the lighthouse that guides others safely to their own spirit's deep expressions of love.

I look back at my own life and no longer regret the darker spaces. They were hard. I hated being in them when I was there. But as I moved forward I've learned that surrendering to who we are in any given moment is the quickest way back into the light. If you're upset, admit it to yourself (vs. dumping on others!) and figure out what it is you want to create. If you're sad, seek out healthy comfort and nurturing and look at what you want to create next. If you're jealous, ask yourself what parts of your own subconscious don't believe you are worthy of that which you want. Running from our own darkness gives it total control over us. Looking it square in the eye, acknowledging it, and looking for the love beneath it gives our soul great power.

Years ago, I think it might have been easier if I could have blamed chemistry or some outer circumstances for my explorations into the insecurities and fears within my own spirit. The more light I would bring into my body, mind, and soul, the more it would expose my illusions of separation - much as you would see the cobwebs so more clearly when you bring a flashlight into a darkened room. I did feel crazy at times. Instead, I was learning to live, as the angels say with great humor, "IN sanity" vs. the insanity that we buy into by trying to be who are not in any given moment.

Lately its been my joy that I am allowing to flow in great measure. In the past I had to tone it down to make others comfortable when they are not as happy. In the past I've been afraid to express all the love in my heart for fear of being misunderstood. And now I don't care! Its wonderful and freeing to be ok with who you are. If I have one purpose on this planet I'm sure it is to be incredibly, deeply, human and to let everyone know that every moment and every feeling is holy, beautiful, and perfect as we continue to evolve into something even more.

So when you feel your emotions stirring, feel them deeply, and then dig even deeper. They are beacons guiding you to your soul's deepest truths. Feeling your darker feelings will not attract negative events to you if you can find the love beneath them. Feeling your joyous feelings is a gift to the entire world. Allow your hearts to shine forth in truth in this lifetime and that is where the world will echo back to you its own. You will attract those of like mind and heart and repel those who do not belong. You will acknowledge the love inside yourself and the universe will echo that back as well. You deserve to know that all within you, in truth, is love. Seek it out, be it, and your life will be blessed.

Have a blessed and joyous week, and if you're not in that space, love yourself anyway :)
Love and hugs,
Ann