Saturday, March 28, 2009

Bless the mess, get on with the rest

Its quite a year. Although the news is all gloom and doom, many of the lightworkers I've talked to felt a strange sense of excitement at the beginning of the year. Its our time to give, to share, to shine, and to really bring the truth of Love into a world sadly in need of it. It is also a year when we better all trust in a big way that God is guiding our lives. I've received so many suggestions over the years on how I can become more financially successful, more well known, etc. And yet as I wrote to one friend this week, I did all that at one point in my life and all I got from it was "success" according to the way the world defines it... not happiness. Since I've started living by heart, rather than strategizing to plan out my entire life, I'm happy. And when I ignore my heart and my guidance, there are clear indications that I'm off kilter. Earlier this week, for example, I got sick for the first time since 2005. I kept getting guidance to rest, wanted to rest, and didn't rest, and therefore invited a bug in to help me rest! After a few days of solid sleep, I thanked the bug for helping to knock me out, told it that it had achieved its mission, and off it went. It could have turned into the two to three week virus that was going around but since I got the message and listened this time, it left quickly.

Life is like that. When you're living in the moment and listening to guidance, life flows. When you're not, things go a bit haywire. Of course we have to give up our need to control life. Things may not happen when we want them to. The more frantic we get, the more slowly things manifest. The more patient we are and the more we live in the moment, the more we get out of God's way and allow things that we want into our lives. I used to teach manifesting. I loved watching people put out their intent, let go if it, like releasing a balloon with a wish on it to heaven, and then going on with enjoying their lives on a day to day basis. Suddenly, like magic, the wheels of the universe turned and their dreams finally came true.

The angels once said manifesting is like placing an order at your favorite restaurant. If you keep running in the kitchen asking the cook if he heard you and if he's making your dish - your fear and insecurity interfere with the process! You slow your manifestation down. Likewise in life, if you ask God for something and live in constant fear and insecurity that you won't have it, your ego, not the divine presence within you has possessed you and hijacked the manifesting process.

Lately I've seen a lot of ego-hijackings! It seems to be running rampant! Old parts of the self that are fearful, insecure, or upset seem to be trying to take over many people. These are old parts of the soul that can no longer cohabitate with the real true self. Its kind of like that show on TV "Me or the dog" instead, its "me or the insecure old parts of self" - they can't live in the same body anymore. One example stands out. A dear client who I've read for in the past very easily came to see me. I could not get a thing. I felt like I was running into a brick wall. And so I asked his permission to talk to whatever part of his psyche that was blocking me. He agreed. I tuned in and said, "Who inside of you doesn't want to talk to me?" "F-off!" I heard back. "No one cares. Nothing works. This is all a bunch of #@@$! God doesn't care about me." Woah!! I had tuned into an old wounded part of his spirit that was trying to possess him. After we talked he admitted that lately he felt like all his desires were useless dreams, and that nothing was every really going to work in his life and that he should just give up and settle for mediocre. The angels gave him homework - to contstantly tell this part of himself that he wasn't going to let it run... or ruin his life. And he left with his true divine spirit in charge once again.

The truth of you is magnificent beyond imagination, powerful, loving, compassionate, and wise. The truth of you loves and trusts God as his presence is revealead within you. The true you is patient, trusting, guided, and safe. The false selves are falling away and some of them go kicking and screaming, but the good news, is that they are losing ground. God is coming to the surface within all of us, and this is driving the darkness up and out into the light.

Celebrate the purge that is going on - on the earth and within each of us - because these old beliefs, patterns, and fears are the demons that have darkened our light, made us forget who we really are, and prevented us from being the truly powerful and loving beings that we really are. God is in charge! Surrender to love. Surrender to truth. And if/when you don't and you manifest a minor mess, bless it, learn from it, and get back into truth. I don't beat myself up for my goofs anymore. I just learn from them. And this makes them move on quickly and fairly easily.

As the angels joke, bless the mess, learn and get on with the rest!! Truth, trust, faith, and love are the qualities that we want to embrace these days! Truly, nothing else works!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

A thorny momen

I had a thorny moment this week. It wasn't something I was proud of, but it was an opportunity ripe for growth. In the process of learning more about heaven on earth, so I can teach it more deeply, I have been learning to live by heart and surrender to God's guidance in all things even if that means being misunderstood or disappointing others. Its not an easy lesson. And because I'm not 100% comfortable with it yet, I've received a plethora of ugly and unkind responses lately from people who are upset that I don't do what they want. These help me learn not to take it personally.

Earlier in the week a woman on the list emailed and asked me to teach with her. I politely and honestly told her I wasn't interested and wished her the best. She wrote back that she had hoped I would want to expand my capacity to serve "more" people. Something in my psyche flipped and I got upset. Serve more? In my spare time? I have just recently really got the lesson that I am serving based on my God given guidance rather than being willing to allow my own ego or the desires of others guide me. And not being 100% comfy with that new reality, I got defensive.

In retrospect I realize that her response was innocent. Unfortunately I didn't take the time to breathe and tune in first and before I could think, that unconscious little part of me wrote back and said that I didn't do guilt trips and lived by heart. Clearly that was not the evolved thing to do on my part. Not only did I misunderstand her intent, but I didn't take the time to examine my reaction before pressing the "send" key.

Understandably she withdrew from the mailing list, told me she had to stop recommending me to anyone, and said my vibe was not what she had thought. By this time sanity was setting in and I sat and meditated and realized I was clearly in the wrong. I sent her a sincere and humble apology. I have no idea if it was accepted or not. She, most likely, will go through life thinking I'm the biggest hypocrite on the planet - that was simply her experience of me.

We have all had these 'thorny' moments in our lives when we do or say things we regret. I have a friend who knows one of the greatest spiritual leaders on the planet and he says even this pure and holy soul has his moments. No one escapes their humanity. And although we call these moments 'mistakes' at the human level, the angels constantly remind us that they are just lessons and opportunities to grow. They're opportunities to look inside of ourselves and own more of the light that we are.

So how do you handle these "thorny" moments with grace after you've had one?

First, own you stuff. This woman's statement about me doing "more" triggered an old part of myself that measured my worth in the numbers I served and the projects I accomplished, rather than simply feeling the divinity and integrity of my spirit. And so my defensive statement to her, was really, more accurately, a statement to that part of myself that I no longer wanted to allow to run and ruin my life. It made me realize that I had come along way and no longer judged my value based on my 'accomplishments.' I just wasn't yet 100% comfortable in that new reality and got defensive.

Secondly, forgive yourself. We do our best in each moment. We're all learning and we're all growing. There is no point in beating yourself up if you are willing to own your stuff and learn. If you've learned you've gotten the gift out of the experience. Let it go.

And last but not least clean up after yourself. Apologize sincerely without justification or defense. Make amends if necessary. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you... as soon as you are conscious enough to do it! Then accept whatever response or lack of response you get and let it go. Your apology may be rejected but as the angels say, "Rejection is just redirection." Move forward.

And so Spring has sprung! Time for new life and new growth. Its time to allow whatever truths lie inside of us to come to the surface. Like a seed pushing aside the dirt to burst into light, our growth is sometimes graceful, sometimes awkward, but as long as its growth, we're doing what we came to do. Be nice to you during those human moments. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, clean up any messes, and celebrate the greater truths and awareness that the situations have revealed. Every day is a day to celebrate new life and new birth!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Let love be your business

Although the angel message this week might sound simple it is totally a discipline to put it into practice. I signed up to teach a class called Heaven and Earth and now life is challenging me to TRULY put this into practice! Sunday morning I woke up with a nasty bug trying to get me. I have been exposed to sick people now for weeks and rarely get a thing if I take care of myself so this totally caught me by surprise. My throat and lungs were starting to itch and feel congested, I couldn't breathe out one side, and my first thought was "No way!" I was not about to get sick. It is spring, my favorite time of year, I don't want to take time off so getting sick wasn't an option. I affirmed truth... "Well being exists inside of me now!" I just had to find it and focus on it. I proceeded to focus on the divine light and the HEALTH that was already there inside of me rather than focusing on "Uh oh I'm getting sick." I sat quietly and pictured and felt the light in my heart. I expanded it outward with my imagination and focused on the flow of God's love into me, through me, and out of me, as if I were the core of an apple and light was circulating in, through, and out of me. Then I focused on the side I could breathe through. I focused on how good it felt to breathe and I remembered times of vibrant health and set my sights there. I asked the angels to support me in this exercise, to help me focus on the health that was there and to dissolve whatever illusions were trying to grab me by the toes and make me sick. By the time an hour had passed I was breathing clearly, the scratchy feeling was gone, and I was ahead of the bug. I sent it love and thanked it for reminding me to own my truth. Of course I did the human thing and ran for my zinc, vitamin C, anti-oxidants, and .. yum, yum, raw garlic! By the end of the day - vibrant health!! No bug! I was so excited. I felt better than ever.

I'm experimenting every day with finding heaven within. Its already there. We just have to find whatever small parts we can feel, focus on them, and amplify that light, well being, and truth. I'm feeling the pain in my body that came from overdoing exercise right after pumping a lot of energy through my body, but then I focus on what feels wonderful and the more I do that, the more everything else relaxes.

If my day gets crazy, I focus on what is already right with it and how I can bring love into the situations around me. They change as if by magic. Focus always on what you DO want to amplify and create on your life for your focus is nothing less than the light of God illuminating the path in front of you.

People ask me all the time how I started my "business". They want to know how I advertised and marketed myself, how I got to speak with big authors, and get on big radio shows. The answer is I didn't market myself. I barely advertised. Instead I loved talking to angels, grudgingly agreed to be out in public and took it upon myself to give the absolute most love and wisdom that I could find within to each client. I started this newsletter because I had more to share than I could share with one person at a time. In time I got really, really busy and to this day opportunities present themselves when God wants them. I have no intention to ever do anything the 'conventional' way. Its much easier and happier to find the love inside, bring it to the surface and trust God will do the rest.

Think about it - wouldn't you rather go to a loving mechanic than one who is sour? Wouldn't you rather go to the convenience store with the friendly clerks rather than the one with the grumpy staff. Don't you love to support people who are on fire with joy? I do. I think its true - its our job to love and share what's inside of us. The boss (God) and His wonderful helpers (the angels) can manage the rest and let me know what to do and when :) Focus on the light within you - what is good and true - amplify it, and share it, and you will feel heaven on earth.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Heaven and Earth

I often feel I was put on this earth to help people realize that we are perfect and divine even in our so-called imperfection and humanity. I love God. I seek God inside myself at all times. Nothing else matters more to me. And yet I'm SO profoundly human. I get cranky, tired, off balance, sad, and sorry for myself at times. But if there is one thing the angels have taught me that sticks finally it is that we are always loved, always perfect in God's eyes, and always growing into something more. No matter what we are feeling, we are no less worthy of love. And if you know this, you can go through any emotion that arises with grace, knowing its just a phase and that you're just learning and growing into greater love.

There are times when I feel God's love so thoroughly inside of me that nothing else matters. Two weeks ago I had the priviledge of attending a session with Panach Desai, a man who transmits divine energy. The peace, love, compassion, and expansive Oneness I felt in his presence was bliss! "I-Ann" disappeared and "I Am" appeared in me and through me. I was touching people the week after and zapping their colds, transmitting God's peace and feeling on top of the world. One small glitch occurred when I forgot I live in a body this weekend and hiked ten miles after being a veritable couch potato all winter. It was lovely, and I was SO happy that I was sharing my secret canyons, nooks, and crannies with other hikers. However, my body reminded me very quickly that while my heart and mind were in heavenly bliss I couldn't ignore my humanity. Oops ! I was near crippled on Sunday!! Luckily epsom salts, rest, and meditation restored me to good humor, but it was a good lesson. My physical energy will not go without care as well.

I was reminded by the angels that I am "taking" the class I will be teaching with my good friend and spiritual instructor James Walker in two months! While brushing my teeth two weeks ago I heard loudly, "TEACH A CLASS CALLED HEAVEN AND EARTH." No missing that voice! So I called James and asked if he wanted to teach and upon getting the green light, called the Sedona Creative Life center and rented the room." Then the angels proceeded to share what we were teaching!! Talk about surrender and faith :)! We are going to share our understanding of how bringing God into every aspect of your life does indeed create a life of heaven on earth. James reminds me not to forget to bring God into my physical existence and I remind him not to forget to bring God into his emotional existence. We're currently getting the heavenly downloads on exercises and discussions and we're both in the 'boot camp' that instructors who "walk the walk" go through before teaching.

It is exciting because I haven't taught in over two years. I had to go through my couch potato phase, and my emotional purge these past few months to be ready to teach again and now I can't wait to share all I've learned. By then I think the angels will have convinced me not only to bring heaven into my mind and heart, finances, career, and relationships, but also to remember my body as well!!

So, no matter what emotions are coming up lately remember, they're all part of your unfolding understanding of God's love. If you're pissy, you're learning new boundaries and when you get comfortable with them you won't be upset so easily. If you're sad, let it out. If you're excited, breathe and ask for guided action. Its all God talking to you from the inside out and if you don't resist it, those emotions flooding you will carry you on the River of God's love straight into a more heavenly existence!