Saturday, November 07, 2009

Don't be afraid to feel

After channeling this week's message, the angels told me to read the reviews for one of my books. That sounded odd, but when I get such clear guidance, I just go do it. So I found "Whispers of the Spirit" on and read people's thoughts on it. Most were very nice. One, however, really caught my attention! The reviewer said he first thought "Good lord, this woman is an emotional basketcase. How can anyone tolerate her manic depressive swings? Moreover, how did they tolerate her at Honeywell? What's more, why am I reading 3 pages of this process?" ... He kindly went on to say he understood it was a journey of transformation. I really liked this review. it was honest and the person sharing it shared their own soul as well.

I could see why someone reading it would think me unbalanced. The book was written over 13 years ago when I was just beginning to understand the spiritual path, and to wake up to the fact that what I thought would make me happy in life - marriage, job, success, was not making me anywhere near happy. The truth is my chemistry was fine - it was my soul that was in need of healing.

So many people in our society are afraid to feel deeply. I was afraid to publish that book because I knew people would judge me for feeling so deeply and being so honest about it. The manuscript sat in a box on a shelf for 11 years until the angels finally poked and prodded me enough to let it out into the world. The feedback has been awesome. I'm dedicated to proclaiming in public, "It's ok to be human!!" We are here to do it!! And in that humanity - in each and every moment, in every feeling - be it dark or light - we can dig deep, find love within us, and find God. That's the real business of life.

When you have the courage to ask to truly know God's presence in your life, you will face everything that is illusion within. You'll face your fears, angers, insecurities, etc., and you'll feel crazy at times doing it. You may swing between great joy and deep despair. And you will do so because you have the courage to do what we are here on this earth to do - to dig within our own spirits and find the illusions of separation that have held us bound for centuries, held us in a lie that we are anything less than God's love, and have kept us worrying more about what the world thinks than about being who really are. Carolyn Myss, a great spiritual teacher has an awesome tape series called "The Dark Night of the Soul" in which she dives into this phenomena. When you ask to know God you have to slug through a lot of your own muck before you find the glorious light within. It can be hard. It is not always pretty. But it is SO worth the effort, for when you work on yourself from the inside out, you allow divine grace to be your guide, and you allow the magic and the wonder of your own soul to unfold out into the world. You become the lighthouse that guides others safely to their own spirit's deep expressions of love.

I look back at my own life and no longer regret the darker spaces. They were hard. I hated being in them when I was there. But as I moved forward I've learned that surrendering to who we are in any given moment is the quickest way back into the light. If you're upset, admit it to yourself (vs. dumping on others!) and figure out what it is you want to create. If you're sad, seek out healthy comfort and nurturing and look at what you want to create next. If you're jealous, ask yourself what parts of your own subconscious don't believe you are worthy of that which you want. Running from our own darkness gives it total control over us. Looking it square in the eye, acknowledging it, and looking for the love beneath it gives our soul great power.

Years ago, I think it might have been easier if I could have blamed chemistry or some outer circumstances for my explorations into the insecurities and fears within my own spirit. The more light I would bring into my body, mind, and soul, the more it would expose my illusions of separation - much as you would see the cobwebs so more clearly when you bring a flashlight into a darkened room. I did feel crazy at times. Instead, I was learning to live, as the angels say with great humor, "IN sanity" vs. the insanity that we buy into by trying to be who are not in any given moment.

Lately its been my joy that I am allowing to flow in great measure. In the past I had to tone it down to make others comfortable when they are not as happy. In the past I've been afraid to express all the love in my heart for fear of being misunderstood. And now I don't care! Its wonderful and freeing to be ok with who you are. If I have one purpose on this planet I'm sure it is to be incredibly, deeply, human and to let everyone know that every moment and every feeling is holy, beautiful, and perfect as we continue to evolve into something even more.

So when you feel your emotions stirring, feel them deeply, and then dig even deeper. They are beacons guiding you to your soul's deepest truths. Feeling your darker feelings will not attract negative events to you if you can find the love beneath them. Feeling your joyous feelings is a gift to the entire world. Allow your hearts to shine forth in truth in this lifetime and that is where the world will echo back to you its own. You will attract those of like mind and heart and repel those who do not belong. You will acknowledge the love inside yourself and the universe will echo that back as well. You deserve to know that all within you, in truth, is love. Seek it out, be it, and your life will be blessed.

Have a blessed and joyous week, and if you're not in that space, love yourself anyway :)
Love and hugs,