Saturday, August 22, 2009

Letting my joy shine

For years I've toned myself down when in joyful moods if those around me were in pain. My happiness has been known to drive people nuts. "Calm down," I've been told. "You can't really be that happy. You're in denial." I no longer worry about bugging people with my joy. When I am happy, I am. I'm no longer in the business of creating misery in my life anymore to show people I understand and care about theirs. I do understand. I truly care. I've had physical pain, spiritual attacks, financial losses, times when I didn't know how to pay bills, emotional and verbal abuse in relationships this life and other types in past lives... you name it. I've walked in the dark. And yet I've come to realize that these walks were necessary when they happened because I was learning. I was learning how to listen to my feelings, honor my instincts, to live in the moment, to walk with faith, and to really understand that taking care of myself meant I would serve the souls rather than the egos of those around me.

Now when I see or work with someone who is in pain, I know their soul is learning too and they just need love, compassion, and understanding of the lessons to get them through. They might think they need pity, but what they really need is a real solution, a real way out. Years ago the angels said to me, "Ann if someone is in quicksand, don't you think its best to stand on the firm ground and offer them a hand up when ready rather than to jump in and let them stand on your head trying to climb out?" I have to admit, I got the concept right away but it has taken me years to truly embrace the fact that suffering with others to show I care, is useless nonsense. Far better for me to stand in a higher truth and truly help them through it.

I have huge compassion for those in pain. I've been there. And yet I no longer feel I should suffer too. I once heard that a famous actress was interviewed and the interviewer said, "Don't you feel terribly guilty because you have so much when others have so little?" Her response was true spiritual brilliance, "No," she said. "I feel terribly blessed that I have so much and am in a position to share inspiration and do good in the world." This is what I aspire to do - to fill my own well over and over and to spill it forth into the world.

My dog is a great teacher for me. I have a tendency to care so much that when she is in pain a part of me wants to put my entire life on hold, and be with her. She would like that too, but I can't do that all the time. I have responsibilities to myself and others as well. This week we had another challenge. She managed to remove the drip pan from the grill and eat the hard metal foil pan after chewing it into sharp little bits. I prayed like CRAZY for guidance and the angels told me if I could relax, she would, and her body would get rid of it. For the sake of my dog, I calmed down and trusted the guidance.

In spite of my mind saying I should stay up, watch her, and worry through the night, I listened to the angels and went to bed. My dog was in obvious discomfort but I knew after loving on her that there was nothing else I could do. I woke up at 2am to the sound of sharp foil bits being ejected and my poor dog looking pretty thrashed. I calmed her down, massaged and kissed her, cleaned up the mess, changed the towels and decided to go back to bed since once again the angels said that there was nothing I could do other than to get sleep and take care of myself. The process was repeated at least three more times that night. The next day I had SO much to do. I felt I 'should' sit with her and just pet her all day but the responsibilities called and the angels told me to leave her be. On several occasions my mind started to worry, agonized, and guilt-trip itself. "I should take her to the vet." "I should feed her cotton balls (google it - its a remedy for dogs who swallow sharp stuff)." "I should make her throw up." "No, No, and No." the angels said. Relax, go on with your day, Ann. Be calm and she will be calm. This was what I truly wanted to do even had I not heard the angels. My mind was trying to negate my heart. I ignored the yak, yak and listened to my heart and the angels.

To make a long story short, I had very good and productive day and after resting all day my dog got rid of the rest of the foil. We were all quite happy once again. Had I sat there and been miserable with fear and worry with her, she would have tightened up with possibly tragic consequences. She really is teaching me that it is not productive to sit in misery when someone else is, but rather to listen to the guidance and allow myself to be in a better space. It was my calm that helped her find peace and allowed her to loosen up. What a lesson!

So if you are around someone who is not in a good space, love them. Ask permission if you want to offer advice. Honor their process. But know that you serve them far more if you listen to your own heart and guidance that if you listen to all the 'shoulds' we were raised with, or if you honor their tugs and pulls. Stay in your own center and from that point, God will help you figure out how to truly help their spirit through whatever lesson it is they are learning. You will feel much better too!