Saturday, July 26, 2008

Mystical experience with the Whales

I am discovering new levels of choice in my life, and new experiences as a result. A dear, dear client gave me airline buddy passes that she couldn't use and two weeks ago the urge to go to Sea World was so strong I called a friend, and rearranged my weekend to fly out to San Diego and honor the urging. As we stood above the whales in between shows, I silently asked the whale if she could merge with my energy. She swam beneath the two of us, turned belly up and began to transmit an energy so breathtakingly blissful and beautiful I can barely put it into words. My friend felt it as well. Energy shot up our spines, adjusted our necks in tandem and as I shut my eyes I was privvy to beautiful visions of what the whales are accomplishing with the work at the park. I melted into oneness and felt such incredible love. A few hours later my body went into such pain I couldn't descsribe that either!! The angels told me I asked for a lot of love to come in and then jammed it up by subconsciously feeling it was too much good for too long. I can't relate with my mind to that but I believe them based on the experience. The angels, through my friend Summer, advised me to imagine breathing through a blowhole on the top of my head. Immediately the pain in my body was gone, I found I had a new motion when I hiked (like a flipper moving in my body!!), and I am breathing better and more deeply than ever before.

The merging experience didn't end there. For a week following the experience I barely felt human. When I was driving, I felt as if I was swimming through the air. I craved fish. I wanted to be swimming in all my spare time. I longed to fly through the air and splash in the water. I even went through a deep and serious craving to quit my entire life as I know it, and start over in order to work with whales - and I mean I LONGED for this, as much as a soul longs for God or a person longs for a long lost love. I even looked into the requirements and figured out that by the time I met the commitments and did the training I could be the first whale trainer to start flying off the whales in my mid fifties. I haven't felt the kind of passion that would turn a life upside down for years - since I first felt Reiki. If I hadn't had my house and dogs, I might have moved already and been enrolled in marine biology classes, and working with a swim trainer. My brain was ticking fast... All I'd have to do is get lasik, overcome my discomfort in cold water, go back to school, move, get in incredible shape, do readings nights and weekends while volunteering with wildlife. It all seemed SO possible. My friends, who are accustomed to my weirdness just waited to see what would come of this.

I know better than to turn my life upside down after an extreme mystical experience. I always wait it out a bit to see what emerges. In time I felt mostly human again and while I long for the feeling of swimming and leaping through the water, and although I know it WOULD be fun to work with whales, I realized I crave the intense and deep experience of oneness, flow, passion, joy, abanadon, and purpose that these magnificent creatures experience as their reality. I thought I had life figured out pretty well - now a whole new window of possibility for joy has been opened up in my awareness.

In the legends it is said that angels from the star system Sirius incarnate in the form of enlightened whales and dolphins to teach us. I can't prove it but I did feel the whales urging us as a human race to BELIEVE that we can be more, that earth can be a paradise again, that if we focus on the good, anything is indeed possible. Merging with them marked a turning point in my inner life. I have known play must be an essential ingredient in my life, now it is not optional. I have known we are always to focus on the solutions we want rather than the problems - now it is easier. I am picturing peace on earth. I am picturing the economy turning around. I feel such JOY in my heart. I feel like their energy has woven into my awareness and has become part of me.

And although I love my work, doing anything day in and day out for thirteen years can become normal. I was praying for renewed inspiration in my life, and it is so much fun to be exploring a whole new world of frequencies in a deeper way than I ever understood it before. I feel like I'm in kindergarten again. I love NOT knowing things, opening up to new experiences, and learning again.

Within two days my entire hard drive on my computer crashed, and had to be wiped and rebuilt - what a metaphor!!! I think my brain's hard drive was erased and rebuilt lately! As the Sea World show Believe says... "There are moments in our lives when we are changed forever - when we stop wondering and start to Believe." This experience has helped me believe how God can create new inspiration and wonder in our lives in just a moment. If you intend, choose, focus, and BELIEVE in God's abundant universe you can indeed tap into any energy you choose. Why not pick the ones you'd love?

Saturday, July 19, 2008

All are in God's hands

I've done a good job at trusting God to take care of me and my needs over the years. He has proved to me time and again that when I need the miracle it arrives, but in spite of thinking I had learned to trust completely God showed me areas where I am still learning to let go of control, and trust that God is in charge.

My lesson the past few weeks has come in the form of a pigeon who was injured in my backyard when the dogs bit him above the tail feathers. I found the poor little guy in my garden bleeding and in shock, so I gently put my hands around him and sent loads of healing energy. At first he was scared but as the heat started to flow, he settled into my hands. We stopped the bleeding and when I gently pulled my hands away to see if he needed to move, he leaned back into them. This little creature was so trusting and I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility to take care of him.

I prayed hard asking God what to do since he couldn't fly and needed healing. I clearly heard God say, "Leave him outside for now. I will take care of him. Give him food and water and the rest is up to me." And so I put some food and water out and sent him remote healing and left him alone, aside from little visits where I checked in. I kept praying, "God if I'm hearing you right, let me know. I want to make sure I do the right thing for this little guy." That night I was on a radio show where the host mentioned that people have to trust more. "For example," he said, "Birds trust that they'll get their food. They don't worry." I felt a wave of God's love wash through me, as if to say, "See, you are hearing me correctly."

Later in the week a monsoon storm was predicted and on my busy office day I got the strong sense that I had to find shelter for the little guy. I told God I needed help since I had all of a half hour to spare. I was sent to the thrift store where for $2.99 I found a perfect little one bird hutch that someone else must have made (I wonder if it was sent by my favorite carpenter!). After dinner I was told to prepare a little box with shredded paper at the bottom, and I did so, just in time for the rain to hit hard. I ran out, caught the pigeon and settled him down in the box for the night. It has become our little ritual. I catch him at night, stow him safely in his box in the garage, equipped with food and water, give him a Reiki treatment,and sing to him till he looks relaxed. In the mornings I take him out again, feed him and peek around the corner where he is now strutting and talking to his buddies. He's not flying yet but I have high hopes he will. As this little bird learns to trust me, I am learning to trust even more that God takes care of all of his creatures great and small, and that I am not personally responsible for each one sent my way, but rather simply there to be the hands, the eyes, the mouth, and the human heart through which God's love flows. That is all that is asked of any of us after all.

So if you find yourself worrying about taking care of someone or some other being, just pray. God will guide you and let you know what your role is to be. The rest must be surrendered to the wisdom of the creator. There is great peace in letting go and trusting that all is according to God's plan. As the book I grew up with says: "Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will." Matthew 10:29 ... so true.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Loving an angry spirit

I have worked hard over the course of my life to master my thoughts and I still work at it. Sometimes I feel so strong and loving and feel God's truth flowing through me in ways I never thought I could, and at other times, I have to remember truth, choose it, as surely as if I am a person learning to walk again, choosing each step with deliberation, care, and precision. I did have to learn to walk again in 2004 after an injury and it takes patience, dedication, and a willingness not to give up. Working on your thoughts in difficult circumstances is very similar!

After my run in with the angry spirit, I worked very hard to tap into positive thinking again and loving thoughts. I grew up Catholic and one of the quotes that always sticks in my head is "Love your Enemies." And while, at the soul level, no one is an enemy, at the level of personality there are those who, according to the dictionary match the definition of "enemy" - "one who feels hatred toward, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another." So, I've worked hard, as I know many of you have to love those who hate me, to love those who hurt me, and to love those who oppose my interests.

I've had to learn a new definition of love than the one I was raised with. Love is not always a warm fuzzy feeling, but as St. Paul said, "Love is patient," and "Love is Kind." When people or spirits come at me, of course I'm human and may have moments of defensive anger, but underneath that is a sadness... "Why can't we all love," and an admission of truth, "I can't control who chooses to be loving and who does not, “and then a deeper truth from the angels,” and that is not your failure to get them to love." Peace comes when we can finally understand that we are angry with others at times because we are frustrated, because we want to love and be loved. We want others to love and when they do not feel loving to us, in the way we expect them to be, we are made. We want them to 'get it' and when we can't make them love us, or receive our love, we get frustrated. Mastery is learning to accept the fact that not everyone will love us, not everyone will receive our love, and if we can truly get that this is not OUR failure, but rather simply the choice another makes, then we can love them, accept their choices, and move on into kinder realities. I used to stay in difficult relationships far past the point of productivity simply because I wanted to 'make' the other one get how much I loved, and therefore love me back. This spirit that attacked me wanted to 'make' me get how hurt he was when I left him behind in a past life. Yet underneath all of this nonsense, is LOVE!

A higher and more evolved version of love is to accept our own desires to love and be loved at deeper and kinder levels, and at the same time let every other human being in our lives decide for themselves how much love they will accept and how much they will give. I've done well with humans - I'm learning to deal with spirits more, and its an ongoing lesson to allow others to be themselves, while at the same time, allowing me to be me. Love is much more easy when we accept people as they are (or spirits in my case!). It’s nearly impossible when we want someone else to change.

So this past week, I sent this angry spirit tons of love. I told him I understood his pain and wished peace for him but if he didn't want peace, yet he had to leave my space completely because I do want peace, and nothing less than that. I was firm, not at all guilty or fearful, and kind. I stopped focusing on being a victim and tapped in once again to God’s grace. INSTANTLY, my life started becoming magical again. I had a wonderful time with friends last weekend, my life got organized, caught up with office work, and I felt my heart again.

Choosing love isn’t always easy, but don't give up. It is infinitely rewarding. It doesn't make you a doormat, or 'weak'. It doesn't mean you put up with bad behaviors, because you have to choose to include yourself too. It simply means you find the positive in the negative, learn to allow others to be who they are, and honor your own needs and desires as well. This takes creativity, prayer, and deliberation, but just like learning to walk again, with each step you gain strength, and it becomes easier and easier to do :)

Saturday, July 05, 2008

A new kind of freedom

The angels have been imploring people lately to watch their thoughts. The energy is so strong, that when we align with faith, trust, and honor our hearts, miracles are happening. When we fall into gulit, shame, fear, and victimization, its not so fun.

I was in a hugely positive space until I underwent my toughest spiritual challenge to date. After my Coast to Coast interview and hundreds of emails, I got a letter in the mail. Something felt weird about it. I hadn't given my address to the person who wrote me and I felt a little creepy about that. I didn't feel like even opening it. But I felt a tinge of guilt since I am so committed to helping all who come my way when I have the ability and energy to do it and so I opened the letter. I stuck my toe into a stream of guilt, and got sucked into a current of negativity.

In that moment, I got attacked by a spirit so violently I have never seen the likes of it. I got punched in the stomach so hard lost my breath. This thing jumped in me, started choking me from the inside out and I began to gag and cough. It got pretty unpleasant. With great resolve, I cast it out. It left me alone when I was with clients or on the radio, but every night for weeks this angry spirit came back again, causing me a great deal of physical discomfort. My body just hurt. I finally talked to the angels through my friend Summer Bacon because I could not get perspective on my own. The angels told me that this soul was a man from a past life who once loved me. I had apparently turned away from him and not given him his goodbye hug and he let his anger turn to rage and his rage turn into a desire to kill me. The angels escorted him out of me and I got to talk to him through Summer who channeled him for me. After screaming at me and telling me how much he hated me, he finally broke down and sounded like a little boy. "You didn't hug me," he said. "Well let me come on over and do it now, if you'll agree to leave me alone," I said. I flew to him in spirit and hugged him and sent him tons of love, whereby he apologized and left me at long last. The angels have always said that demons are like hurt little children. I saw it first-hand. I think we both healed.

Nonetheless, although I was fine for a few days, my mind couldn't leave it alone. I started fuming. I couldn't shake my feelings of anger and victimization. I felt victimized, unproteced, and seething mad that God allowed for this. I fumed at God, fumed at the angels, fumed at this spirit. POOR me. How DARE this soul from hundreds of years ago attack me. I'm this little 5'3" tall woman and this big male spirit socked me. Its one thing to know the concepts about why God allows pain but when I was the one getting hit and choked, I wanted answers.

And the answers came back - The angels said that of course, I had never caused this spirit's actions, nor had I deserved them, but that I had carried guilt in my heart about turning people away even when I knew it was the right thing to do. And my guilt acted like a magnet for this soul's anger - kind of like a lock and key fit each other perfectly. Martyrdom opens you up to sociopaths. Guilt and shame open one up to anger and abuse. We live in a world of polarities where certain vibrations fit into one another like a hand and glove. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew the angels were right. I've never quite felt safe turning people away because I've had a lot of people who I've kindly and lovingly turned away, attack me with their angry words and energy. "Its time you let go of the fear and find greater faith in God Ann," they told me.

For several days I strove to embrace my role in allowing this. I kept trying to own my part in it, and yet the anger kept coming up again and again. I would choose a good thought and a negative one would try to reassert itself. One night when I was particularly exhausted from my mental weight lifting exercises I just collapsed and cried like a baby. "God heal my heart. Heal my head. Take away my anger. Take away my victimization. Let me forgive this spirit now...please." And then from the depths of my heart of hearts came a cry... "I want kindness. I want a hug... I want a hug." The angels came in droves, hugging me and holding me, and sending me so much love that in that instant my heart melted and I felt God's love again. In that moment I was able to see my part in it, to own it, and to release it. In that moment I understood that I loved this soul but just didn't want to be around him due to bad behavior. In that moment I felt how deeply God cares no matter what I experience. It was one of those life altering ah ha's... Yes God loves me in spite of my upset. Yes I am safe. Yes I used to be willing to be kicked and punched if it would help another work out their own feelings and heal... but not any longer. And the anger is gone completely.

There are times when, in spite of your best intentions, fear, anger, or other negativity seems to grip you. We have to do our part by constantly choosing better thoughts but we can also pray for the help from the depths of innocence within us, and then, be willing, like a child, to put aside doubt and mistrust and receive the love that comes.

We are on earth. It is a school. It is not always easy. My adventures are admittedly, much weirder than most (job hazard!). We all have our trials and we all have our tough classes, and yet God is always with us, encouraging us to love ourselves more so we can feel more of His love. The angels remind me frequently that as we learn to love and care for ourselves we can believe in and experience God's love and care in ever-expanding ways. As we pray for our fears to be removed, we make space to trust and experience more love.

So let's celebrate a new kind of independence - freedom from negativity so we can really receive the embrace of the love all around us :)