Thursday, May 29, 2008

We're all one heart

That last paragraph from the angels really struck me again, although they've said it to me many times. When we see unthinkable tragedies, like the schools collapsing on the children in China and the grief stricken mothers wailing outside the rubble, and when we undergo our own personal tragedies, it is easy to forget that we have a loving God. It is hard, thinking judgmentally as we humans are apt to do, to see the light in the dark. And yet through every dark night of the soul, there is a birth, and a greater light emerging if only we give ourselves time to see it. If we judge someone's circumstances, behaviors, or even the state of the world, we may not be patient enough to see the light of God unfolding within it.

I've been really following the news on the earthquake in China for many reasons. First of all I felt the vibration right as it happened, but more importantly our government and theirs has been in such a touchy relationship for years, that the rifts and separations seemed very deep. And yet here we are, human beings on one side of the world, watching human beings far away, and seeing that when it comes down to the basics - beyond ideology, race, religion, or creed, we are one in the same. We hope. We dream. We want purpose, a roof over our heads, protection for the children, opportunity. We want security. We want our loved ones to be safe. And the light in the human spirit is the same no matter where we live or what we believe. We seek that light out in times of darkness, because we must or we will be overcome by despair. That light of God within us is our salvation... for all of us.

I ran across a video by a group of young Chinese singers. It is entitled "Never be Beaten!- MV China Wenchuan earthquake" and the info on youtube.com simply says, "Please pray for all victims in Sichuan." I do not speak Chinese nor do I understand a word in the song, but my heart comprehended what my head could not, and I was brought to tears, because the desire to hope, to prevail no matter what, to love, to reach out and connect was so strong that the language of love beyond the words in this song transcended all cultural, and language boundaries. If you get a chance to see it, your heart will be moved to tears. If you get a chance to comment, tell them we are all praying for them and their loved ones. To connect, even in such a small and seemingly insignificant way, can offer comfort and hope to our fellow human beings so they know they are not alone.

So many have written to me wondering what your purpose is. Although there are many variations on this theme, all of us share one common purpose which is to love. Check out this video if you are inclined and feel the energy beyond the words. If you can, offer a little love today to these souls via your comments - love has meaning and value beyond any wordly accomplishment. This video deserves to be seen.

If you can, please pass this video on to your lists and ask them to offer a prayer too... We can make a differnce. We can be ambassadors of peace and love. Why not start now?

Click here for video.

Friday, May 23, 2008

A different way to succeed

A big welcome to our new family members and subscribers. I hope you enjoy this newsletter and if not you can unsubscribe easily using the link at the bottom.

I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime this week! As many of you know, I found out on the 15th that I'd be on Coast to Coast AM on the 19th. After preparing my website, my office, and most importantly the food in my fridge, I decided to prepare my spirit. In spite of the gazillion things that called for my attention, I took Saturday off for a beautiful 6 mile hike, and was rewarded with the most amazing weather, red rocks, tall pines, lupine flowers, and ferns, as well as a symphony of birdsong, and the opportunity to sit in the creek deep in a red rock canyon with not another soul around, playing "Amazing Grace" by Cecilia on my ipod. It was pure heaven. I prayed back there in the canyon, just thanking God for my life and asking Him to continue to direct me as he saw fit. I've written to many of you before with my favorite prayer:

God take my life.
Make me love it.
And if you want me to do anything make it so clear I can't miss.

I think I was a bit more eloquent sitting there amidst nature's beauty!

The rest and recreation paid off. Although I got little sleep Sunday night and only a very small nap before the show, I was able to mediate and pray for a half hour prior and ask that God work through me to say whatever He wanted to share. I also prayed that I be a clear vessel for love from the angelic realms to pour out to all the listeners who wanted to tap into that, and to George Noory as well because I figure if God sets me up to talk to anyone, I am there to help them as much as they are there to help me. As I opened up in meditation with the intent to receive God's love and flow it through me I felt like a fire hose had been attached to my spine and I felt the energy flowing through my crown and up through my feet and out through my heart till I thought I was going to burst. It felt GREAT but I was incredibly dizzy and buzzing with energy.

The discussion went well. I felt like I was talking to a friend and the people that called in were incredible. Even one man who felt I was near heresy truly won my respect. I could tell he was scared stiff of sharing his views on the radio and even though I didn't agree with him I wanted to reach out and hug him and tell him God really loves him and he didn't need to be afraid of speaking in public or questioning me. We are all entitled to our views and being 'right' is so highly overrated that if we could just know our truth and our relationship with God in our own hearts, and be loving and kind to one another with respect we could stop wars. I was pondering this the next day when I got stuck behind a Jeep with the logo "There is Only One" written on the spare tire!! Go God! Gotta love the humorous confirmations :)

I've answered over 700 emails personally since Monday night, mailed out CDs, and managed to still speak to friends, do my weekly readings, and eat well. I do not have a clue how this was humanly possible but I do attribute it to living one moment at a time and meditating like crazy to refill my spirit when sleep wasn't possible.

If you have a big dream, don't strategize how to make it work. Don't try to manipulate yourself or life or others. Don't push yourself into doing things you think you must that don't appeal to you. Just BE yourself. Do what gives you joy. Trust each moment. I never strategized about how to end up at conferences speaking with really famous authors. I never sat and tried to figure out how to get on the radio. I put myself out there, introduced myself, and waited until the opportunities that felt good came my way. In the meantime I just work and enjoy my life. Its a different way to 'succeed' than the world teaches, but if I am happy in the moment and able to be loving and kind to others, that is the success that counts and makes my life worth living. I am grateful to have all of you in my life too!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Blessings of surrender and patience

I have been asking God to guide my every thought, word, and deed in earnest this year. And while I have always done this, I am working to surrender even more deeply to the heart rather than the dictates of my mind. So on Saturday, instead of attending to my huge list of chores, I listened to my heart and took a day off to go on a long, hot, dusty hike up north to one of my favorite emerald green swimming holes. In spite of the fact that the water was very cold, I just HAD to jump off the 25 foot cliffs into the pool below, and marveled at the fact that instead of my usual fear I felt exhilaration and flight of soul. I needed that hike and that leap badly. I have been working non stop and doing repairs around the house and this simple day hike felt like a week's vacation. I felt God was having me refill the well for some serious work up ahead.

Monday night in meditation my body quaked so strongly, I went to the internet to see what was up with the earth and saw that just an thirty minutes prior the quake in China had shaken our planet. The initial reports said 'no casualties reported' but I felt the outflow of souls through the universe. I felt like someone pulled a cork somewhere in my body and a River of energy was running through it so strongly that I was dizzy and could barely focus on this earth. Every time I shut my eyes I saw faces and did my best to direct them into the light. Before bed, I asked God to use me to serve these spirits in transition and awoke feeling the amazing grace that comes from visiting heaven at night, no matter how little sleep I've gotten as of late. What a sharp contrast between the souls' joy in heaven as they reunite with the energy that creates them, vs. the pain and grief of the survivors. I pray that those left behind receive the comfort and guidance of the angels. As I watched the mothers in China and Myanmar, it renders wars and rhetoric senseless - we all love the same. We all grieve the same. We all want the same for the children and ourselves - safety, survival, connection, community, continuity, purpose...

The disasters tugged at my heart and inspired me to want to share God's love in even greater ways in this word - to offer inspiration, hope, and comfort to the masses. Two days later I was in deep meditation praying and telling God that after a long rest period, I was ready to surrender to my path and get out in public once again. During the prayer, my email beeped and there was a letter from Coast to Coast AM radio asking me to be on the show. They had asked once before, at the last minute, but I had promised an out of town friend to take her out for her birthday so I had to pass on that opportunity. This time, however, I was invited to be on the show for an hour on an upcoming Friday and since I was free, I happily agreed. I was glad for the two weeks' time to prepare.

As always my mind started to kick into high gear with all the thoughts of things I had to do to prepare for the influx of visitors to my website, etc. I have been known to go nuts and be prepared beyond belief for various projects. With thousands of listeners accessing a website, previous guests say it overwhelms the site and gets locked up. I momentarily started to be concerned about how to solve these problems, when I caught my mad monkey mind by the tail and stopped it. I went into meditation again two days later and prayed again. "God tell me what YOU want me to do to be ready. Make it clear." Another email beeped in - again, coincident with that prayer!

This time the producer of Coast to Coast told me someone had canceled Monday so they wanted me to be on for three hours. I now have no time to find a web server with sufficient bandwidth to handle the temporary influx of visitors that I'll have. I have no time to create new CDs. I did have enough time after work Thursday to buy a better color printer and create an updated press kit in time to awaken early Friday and fed-ex it as requested. And I felt totally at peace. Whether my website holds up or not is not under my control. Whether I lose book sales or not is not under my control. And what a lovely feeling to know God is in charge. The creator happily jerked the rug out from under my plans and I am happily surrendered! God basically said, "Chill out Ann. Everything is in fine divine order." It always is. I know that, but finally I FEEL it too.

Life gets so much simpler and more productive when we take the time to still the mind and check in with the heart. In this space the flow of energy and information from God/universal mind flows into you unobstructed and you move with the River of God's grace rather than against it. For months I've had no desire to do anything after work except answer emails, write a little, and watch fairy tales. I needed to put positive and lighthearted energy back into my spirit after each day dealing with death, divorce, suicides, lawsuits and the like. I have to fill my cup before I can spill it truly and authentically. And now here is the next step in my life, handed to me on a silver platter, and I am being allowed to share messages of hope and inspiration, as well as information with the masses. I feel very blessed but I know I'm not special in that way - we are ALL blessed. We simply have to stop trying so hard to MAKE things happen and sit still, pray, align with the creator, and ALLOW things to happen. It is the difference between sinking and swimming vs. sailing.

God is in charge, and the angels remind us that God is our deepest truth - the creative force that breathes life into us in each moment. God is the loving intelligence that sustains us, guides us, expresses through us. God is the light and information that make up quantum field, universal mind, or whatever terms we choose to use. To surrender to God is to surrender to the deepest truth of who we are. To surrender to God is to live in harmony with the universe rather than fighting it. To surrender to God is the path of least resistance. The God I speak of is not the grandpa-in-the-sky figure many of us grew up with, but rather the intelligence, love, and creative force in the universe.

It does take intention to align with God, then trust, patience, and surrender to each moment's guidance in the heart. It does take faith and you can pray to have this faith. It does take a willingness to embrace nothingness at times, and a lot of work at other times, but the struggles go away. There is always effort but not the kind that frustrates the spirit.

If you pray and intend to be in alignment with God it is like plugging yourself into a giant internet in which there are broadcasts sent specifically to you, guiding you, inspiring you, and helping you find your way. We are all part of something so much bigger and we are all directed by the love that creates us in each moment.

I appreciate all the love and support that you have poured my way this week and continue to keep you all in my prayers as well.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

The gift of the sparrow

I sometimes live lifetimes of lessons in a week. After my intent last week to have "respectful, kind, competent, reasonably priced, helpful, punctual, honest professionals to come help me with the work I don't want to do and can't figure out" God gave me exactly what I asked for. I discovered the leak in the front yard wasn't the sprinklers and it was beyond my scope to fix. As the water in my 'moat' began to increase, I took a breath, prayed and asked God to help me find the right plumber. I looked at the various ads, focused on the names one at a time and payed attention to my stomach. As I said one name, my stomach felt completely relaxed, and so I called and booked an appointment for the plumbers to come out and see where the leak was. Two men were sent who were "respectful, kind, competent, reasonably priced, helpful, punctual, and honest." They found the problem and spent all day replacing the piping from the city water to my house with new copper piping. The leak was fixed, the yard was restored to order, and one guy even told me he liked digging and landscaping. I felt entirely blessed. True, the bill was rather large to say the least, but I simply informed God and am waiting for my next miracle. Its amazing how easy life gets when we are focused on what we DO want.

Continuing on that theme, I asked God to help me loosen up whatever was holding my body tight. For months my body has felt like a spring coiled too tightly and I hurt. I knew the root cause wasn't physical. I knew I was holding some old emotional stuff, likely from other lifetimes and in spite of meditation and all sorts of other spiritual work, I could not find what emotions were stuck tight inside of me. So this week, I prayed, "Ok God, I know I've got some deep old, old sadness in there. Please get the tears out and help me figure it out and finally relax! If I need to cry, I surrender, just make it as gentle as possible." Not a surprise - God answered my prayer in His own way.

Just before bed Tuesday night my dog got a bird in the yard. I found him playing with the little sparrow whose chest he had punctured and who was mortally wounded. Being a dog he sat there looking at the bird like some squeaky toy wondering why the little fellow wouldn't play. I chased my dog in the house and sat there looking at this helpless creature, laying on my lawn, feeling entirely unsure what to do. I tuned into the bird, and he simply said, "I'm dying," and looked at me with such tender love and complete surrender to his fate, that it touched something deep inside me, and I started sobbing beyond control. I didn't want to wake the neighbors so I went inside and the wails of grief that came from my depths caught me off guard. I cry when someone dies, but not like this. I deal with grief every day in my job. I've held dying animals and the hands and hearts of dying humans, but nothing, no one, not even my own friends and relatives ever uncorked sadness like this. I felt as my clients feel, wondering if the little bird knew he was loved, wondering if he was in pain, wondering all the questions my clients asked me when their loved ones pass. I had never, in this lifetime, doubted God's love and support but all of the sudden I couldn't feel it. All I could feel was a deep, wracking, nameless grief inside myself that was beyond explanation.

I snapped back into the present, and my heart kicked in. I didn't have the heart to leave this little creature alone in the cold, wet night air to die by himself. I went outside, lined one of my hands with soft, fragrant rose petals from the garden, carefully picked up the little sparrow and held him, sending energy and prayer to free his spirit for over an hour, while he slowly died in my hands. The look of love and gratitude in his little eyes as the healing energy started to release his spirit, unleashed another torrent of tears. How could such a tiny creature teach me so much truth. He knew he was dying. He knew it was ok. He was grateful for the warmth and comforting energy. And he passed in complete and utter peace. I placed his little body on my kitchen table in a box lined with rose petals, did some prayers for him and all God's creatures and let his body stay there over night till I could bury him the next morning. I even sang him a little song of thanks for all the songs that he and his friends sang to me each morning and night.

I cried myself to sleep, and awoke the next morning, still sobbing. I buried him and sat in meditation asking God to help me understand WHY these tears wouldn't stop. I KNOW our spirits are eternal as much as I know the sky is blue. I KNOW God loves all creatures, as much as I know I breathe. "So WHY this grief God," I asked? "Why?" And in stillness, as always, God answered. "You have died feeling alone, cold, and abandoned in other lifetimes. You have carried the illusion that you were unsupported and unloved. And you brought that feeling with you, into this lifetime to heal. This lifetime you have imagined that you weren't supported many times. This lifetime you have felt alone many times. This lifetime you have felt as if you were there without someone to hold you when you were in fear. And that has been your illusion. You have healed it in your mind and in your emotions, and now you are releasing the fear and sadness that have been trapped in your body." I heaved one final sob and started coughing and gasping for air, as I felt a deep, old sad energy moved out of my body. I felt empty but also very good inside of myself. I felt a relief and a peace so deep that I can't even remember feeling this relaxed. And I knew once again that God had answered my prayer. I thought of the sparrow and instantly, standing right beside me, was the angel that had incarnated as that sparrow with the sole purpose of teaching me. The angel gave me a hug and looked in my eyes and congratulated me for understanding his message. My dog looked at the angel, and then at me as if to say, "See, we knew what we were doing." This time my tears were tears of gratitude.

No one of us is ever alone. Not one of us is ever unloved. As I have worked over the years to embrace that with my whole heart, the light inside of me started to wash the illusions out of my body and I had to cry those tears to release them. If you send more water through a faulty pipe it springs a leak. If you send more water through a strong conduit, it clears out the gunk. So too, as we bring more light into our minds and hearts it either springs a leak in some fashion, helping us see our own weak spots and illusions or it clears out the gunk inside our spirits.

So now I have strong, shiny new copper pipes in my yard, and a shiny clean conduit of energy in my physical body as well. The adventures never end here upon the earth, and we seek to keep embracing God's truth more and more deeply.

As I watched the news of the deaths from the cyclone in Burma, and the tornadoes in our own country, I felt the peace of knowing each and every soul who passed in these disasters was brought into the loving arms of God and into a peace greater than anything we have the capacity to feel or understand here upon the earth except in states of deep bliss, prayer, and meditation. I ask that we all pray for the families and friends of those who have died, who remain here on earth, because they too are working hard to see the truth beyond the illusinons - that all souls are truly cherished, cared for, and ultimately brought back into the loving heart of God.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Digging roots and fixing leaks

The angels totally manage to help me learn whatever it is they are channeling about each week. This newsletter was funny in that sense. I was busy doing other things mid-week when I suddenly felt like doing the newsletter. So I dropped what I was doing and easily channeled the angels' message. If I had resisted that desire, I would have been up very late on Friday night and there are a few other things I'd rather do :)

I have been striving for years but especially lately to live every little moment in integrity. I check in often with myself, often sitting down for a few minutes to breathe, and assess what is next on my long list of things to do. When I do that, things are much easier!

Last weekend on a beautiful spring day I was surprised to wake up with a strong desire to get on with the household repair and maintenance items I'd put off forever. And so I flowed from one to the other just listening to my heart to see what was next and managed to unearth three dead trees, plant about 10 new plants, wash two dogs, fix a leaky faucet, and numerous other smaller projects.

Unearthing the dead trees was a lesson in integrity itself! Awhile ago I had asked some helpers to get rid of the dead trees. They just hacked them off at the roots and left the root ball. I decided at long last to dig them up, rather than being patient and allowing myself to get some help. Two came up easily but the third proved to have the biggest root ball I had ever seen. I started going at it with my shovel like some gopher on steroids. Truly it must have been a sight. I am 5'3" tall and heavy enough to get the shovel to cut through woody roots, only if I really jump hard on the thing. And so I went at it. Three hours later, a rootball that looked like a large octopus with wooden tentacles finally gave way. Meanwhile, the moat in my front yard continued to grow in spite of my attempt at repair last week.

I sat there at the end of the day thinking about what worked and what didn't. The day DID go fairly smoothly except for the root extraction and the sprinkler repairs. I realized then and there, that I was SICK of being a short female doing work better suited for strong men. I confess I fell into a little whining about how the help I'd previous hired didn't do a good job, how I was sick of doing a better job than some of the men I hired.... and ... suddenly the angels broke into my little rant and said, "ANN... " When they speak that lovingly loud, they have my attention. "Yes?" I responded? Archangel Michael, bless his soul can ALWAYS talk love and sense into me. "What do you want to create?" he asked. Hmmm. I know better than to rant. I know that it is more useful to focus on what we want rather than what we don't, but being human and all, I occasionally forget :) He reminded me very kindly.

What do I want? I pondered the decision. I breathed deeply, and asked God to help me figure out what I wanted, as opposed to going over again, what I did not. Out came truth... I want respectful, kind, competent, reasonably priced, helpful, punctual, honest professionals to come help me with the work I don't want to do and can't figure out!

"Ok then!" I felt God speaking into my heart. I felt the angels sighing with relief that I was actually going to make my life easier. On Monday the gentleman that help with my yard looked at the sprinklers for free and told me I needed a plumber. A dear friend confirmed it, and I found a good one to come out next week. I feel better already. I found someone who can repair my doors that leak air conditioning and someone to fix the cracked base of the pool pump. And ALL week, I have been surrounded by helpful, kind, competent people who seemed to go out of their way to support me! I marvelled at the fact that I hadn't ever decisively asked for this before. I guess I just assumed I had to fix EVERYONE else's problems even the o nes who were supposed to be helping me :) Silly angel lady!

So the root I dug up so vehemently inside of my own soul was one big old yukky belief with lots of tentacles that said, "I don't receive help when I need it." As always beliefs are total garbagy nonsense, usually not true, but surely as stubborn as that real root ball I dug up and quite often, just as unyielding. I guess I've not only rooted out an old belief but also am fixing a little leak in my psyche that will allow me more easily to tap into the flow of God's grace in the mundane areas of human life. Gotta love the universal humor :)