Saturday, August 02, 2008

Slow down, grow fast

I can vouch for the fact that slowing down helps you grow faster. A few weeks ago after my whale experience I prayed for God to incorporate more of their joy, play, and passion into my life, and prayed for God to remove anything getting in the way of that. I forgot to ask for the growth to be joyful and gentle...oops.

This past weekend I made time in my schedule to 'do nothing' - meaning I had no plans except to sit, read, rest, and contemplate life Saturday morning. I was SO excited, but as often happens when we do something positive, any old patterns inside of us that don't agree come to the surface. And so the first few hours of my weekend off were very blissful but slowly as I started wondering if I shouldn't do something more productive, unbeknownst to me I was damming up a very beautiful flow of energy through my body and my life. As a result my neck slipped off kilter putting me in the most unbelievable pain. This is the same thing that happened to me a few weeks ago. I had a blissful experience with the whales, somehow stopped the incredible flow and my body just hurt! When you ask a river to run through you, its best not to put up the walls of unworthiness!

So there I was in total and complete self pity because I hadn't yet gotten the lesson. I wailed because it hurt so much, crying to the universe that I was JUST starting to do what I wanted with getting more relaxation and now THIS! In total self pity I felt the universe was the one pushing me back everytime I took a step towards relaxation (It has been a pattern!) Of course I knew better, but some tantrum-throwing part of me needed its release first. Then anger came up from within. A mighty rage flew through me as I thought of all the time I spent hurting physically this lifetime. After that ran its course, I realized that some part of ME was angry at ME for putting up with it and creating it by not listening to my spirit. I asked God to get that old anger and old unforgiveness out of me NOW, and all of the sudden my back popped into place, the neck released a bit and I felt better. I realized that deep down within me I had some subconscious old belief that God cared about me spiritual growth but not my happiness as a physical human being. Well as usual when you feel something about God, you can substitute the word "I" and see the truth of it... I was the one who hadn't cared about myself as much at the human level. It wasn't God's fault. I felt better.

The lessons on spirit and flesh were not over yet. The pigeon died this weekend. I had a premonition that he had a destiny for a short life. As I sobbed again, I asked to see his soul, and this white ball of light appeared in front of me and flew straight into my heart where it burst into the most glorious and grateful love. More tears - this time happy ones. The angel that was the little birdie's soul kept coming back to me, this time to nurse ME t hrough my own lessons the next few days. He talked to me about how I had not felt that God cared about my well being in the past and yet look at him - a simple pigeon, considered a vermin by so many, who received so much love in this lifetime. He was mirroring me, and showing me that love and care were always there if you trust God, as all creatures except for mankind, do. He told me that while he knew going out into the yard was a risk of death, it was fun for him, glorious freedom and his life was richer for the experience even if it was shorter. He told me I could stay in my comfort zone constantly working and helping others, or I could take more down time and daydream more about what I wanted in life, not just as a spiritual teacher, but as a human being. He did, while he was alive, begin the process. I sat with him for at least an hour a day at various times, just being silent. I learned to get up earlier and go to bed earlier, something I've not been able to do my entire life. I learned to enjoy simple quiet moments with another being instead of always doing something for them. And while I've done this to a degree for the last many years, this bird really taught me to just 'be' in a deeper way.

I'm embracing more joy as a result. I'm spending a lot less time at the computer which gives me more time to swim and exercise. That makes me feel a LOT better of course. I'm spending time just being instead of running around all the time. I'm able to give more in less time and it feels GOOD. The whale energy is still working with me and I'm waiting to see what comes of being present to such an uplifting and loving consciousness. I'm swimming with them in my sleep feeling their power and grace, and exuberance for life. And my body is feeling a LOT better.

Its amazing what can happen when we sit still! Most of the time we run around fulfilling obligations and such but in our quiet moments God can really work His magic, routing out the old and making room for the new. Growth is not always easy. A the angels were telling a client today, pulling out the roots of old beliefs is hard, and yet... so worth the work! Joy always follows one of these growth episodes - more freedom, and definitely a renewed sense of childlike wonder. As the whales at Sea World teach... Anything is Possible :)