Saturday, July 12, 2008

Loving an angry spirit

I have worked hard over the course of my life to master my thoughts and I still work at it. Sometimes I feel so strong and loving and feel God's truth flowing through me in ways I never thought I could, and at other times, I have to remember truth, choose it, as surely as if I am a person learning to walk again, choosing each step with deliberation, care, and precision. I did have to learn to walk again in 2004 after an injury and it takes patience, dedication, and a willingness not to give up. Working on your thoughts in difficult circumstances is very similar!

After my run in with the angry spirit, I worked very hard to tap into positive thinking again and loving thoughts. I grew up Catholic and one of the quotes that always sticks in my head is "Love your Enemies." And while, at the soul level, no one is an enemy, at the level of personality there are those who, according to the dictionary match the definition of "enemy" - "one who feels hatred toward, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another." So, I've worked hard, as I know many of you have to love those who hate me, to love those who hurt me, and to love those who oppose my interests.

I've had to learn a new definition of love than the one I was raised with. Love is not always a warm fuzzy feeling, but as St. Paul said, "Love is patient," and "Love is Kind." When people or spirits come at me, of course I'm human and may have moments of defensive anger, but underneath that is a sadness... "Why can't we all love," and an admission of truth, "I can't control who chooses to be loving and who does not, “and then a deeper truth from the angels,” and that is not your failure to get them to love." Peace comes when we can finally understand that we are angry with others at times because we are frustrated, because we want to love and be loved. We want others to love and when they do not feel loving to us, in the way we expect them to be, we are made. We want them to 'get it' and when we can't make them love us, or receive our love, we get frustrated. Mastery is learning to accept the fact that not everyone will love us, not everyone will receive our love, and if we can truly get that this is not OUR failure, but rather simply the choice another makes, then we can love them, accept their choices, and move on into kinder realities. I used to stay in difficult relationships far past the point of productivity simply because I wanted to 'make' the other one get how much I loved, and therefore love me back. This spirit that attacked me wanted to 'make' me get how hurt he was when I left him behind in a past life. Yet underneath all of this nonsense, is LOVE!

A higher and more evolved version of love is to accept our own desires to love and be loved at deeper and kinder levels, and at the same time let every other human being in our lives decide for themselves how much love they will accept and how much they will give. I've done well with humans - I'm learning to deal with spirits more, and its an ongoing lesson to allow others to be themselves, while at the same time, allowing me to be me. Love is much more easy when we accept people as they are (or spirits in my case!). It’s nearly impossible when we want someone else to change.

So this past week, I sent this angry spirit tons of love. I told him I understood his pain and wished peace for him but if he didn't want peace, yet he had to leave my space completely because I do want peace, and nothing less than that. I was firm, not at all guilty or fearful, and kind. I stopped focusing on being a victim and tapped in once again to God’s grace. INSTANTLY, my life started becoming magical again. I had a wonderful time with friends last weekend, my life got organized, caught up with office work, and I felt my heart again.

Choosing love isn’t always easy, but don't give up. It is infinitely rewarding. It doesn't make you a doormat, or 'weak'. It doesn't mean you put up with bad behaviors, because you have to choose to include yourself too. It simply means you find the positive in the negative, learn to allow others to be who they are, and honor your own needs and desires as well. This takes creativity, prayer, and deliberation, but just like learning to walk again, with each step you gain strength, and it becomes easier and easier to do :)