Saturday, May 17, 2008

Blessings of surrender and patience

I have been asking God to guide my every thought, word, and deed in earnest this year. And while I have always done this, I am working to surrender even more deeply to the heart rather than the dictates of my mind. So on Saturday, instead of attending to my huge list of chores, I listened to my heart and took a day off to go on a long, hot, dusty hike up north to one of my favorite emerald green swimming holes. In spite of the fact that the water was very cold, I just HAD to jump off the 25 foot cliffs into the pool below, and marveled at the fact that instead of my usual fear I felt exhilaration and flight of soul. I needed that hike and that leap badly. I have been working non stop and doing repairs around the house and this simple day hike felt like a week's vacation. I felt God was having me refill the well for some serious work up ahead.

Monday night in meditation my body quaked so strongly, I went to the internet to see what was up with the earth and saw that just an thirty minutes prior the quake in China had shaken our planet. The initial reports said 'no casualties reported' but I felt the outflow of souls through the universe. I felt like someone pulled a cork somewhere in my body and a River of energy was running through it so strongly that I was dizzy and could barely focus on this earth. Every time I shut my eyes I saw faces and did my best to direct them into the light. Before bed, I asked God to use me to serve these spirits in transition and awoke feeling the amazing grace that comes from visiting heaven at night, no matter how little sleep I've gotten as of late. What a sharp contrast between the souls' joy in heaven as they reunite with the energy that creates them, vs. the pain and grief of the survivors. I pray that those left behind receive the comfort and guidance of the angels. As I watched the mothers in China and Myanmar, it renders wars and rhetoric senseless - we all love the same. We all grieve the same. We all want the same for the children and ourselves - safety, survival, connection, community, continuity, purpose...

The disasters tugged at my heart and inspired me to want to share God's love in even greater ways in this word - to offer inspiration, hope, and comfort to the masses. Two days later I was in deep meditation praying and telling God that after a long rest period, I was ready to surrender to my path and get out in public once again. During the prayer, my email beeped and there was a letter from Coast to Coast AM radio asking me to be on the show. They had asked once before, at the last minute, but I had promised an out of town friend to take her out for her birthday so I had to pass on that opportunity. This time, however, I was invited to be on the show for an hour on an upcoming Friday and since I was free, I happily agreed. I was glad for the two weeks' time to prepare.

As always my mind started to kick into high gear with all the thoughts of things I had to do to prepare for the influx of visitors to my website, etc. I have been known to go nuts and be prepared beyond belief for various projects. With thousands of listeners accessing a website, previous guests say it overwhelms the site and gets locked up. I momentarily started to be concerned about how to solve these problems, when I caught my mad monkey mind by the tail and stopped it. I went into meditation again two days later and prayed again. "God tell me what YOU want me to do to be ready. Make it clear." Another email beeped in - again, coincident with that prayer!

This time the producer of Coast to Coast told me someone had canceled Monday so they wanted me to be on for three hours. I now have no time to find a web server with sufficient bandwidth to handle the temporary influx of visitors that I'll have. I have no time to create new CDs. I did have enough time after work Thursday to buy a better color printer and create an updated press kit in time to awaken early Friday and fed-ex it as requested. And I felt totally at peace. Whether my website holds up or not is not under my control. Whether I lose book sales or not is not under my control. And what a lovely feeling to know God is in charge. The creator happily jerked the rug out from under my plans and I am happily surrendered! God basically said, "Chill out Ann. Everything is in fine divine order." It always is. I know that, but finally I FEEL it too.

Life gets so much simpler and more productive when we take the time to still the mind and check in with the heart. In this space the flow of energy and information from God/universal mind flows into you unobstructed and you move with the River of God's grace rather than against it. For months I've had no desire to do anything after work except answer emails, write a little, and watch fairy tales. I needed to put positive and lighthearted energy back into my spirit after each day dealing with death, divorce, suicides, lawsuits and the like. I have to fill my cup before I can spill it truly and authentically. And now here is the next step in my life, handed to me on a silver platter, and I am being allowed to share messages of hope and inspiration, as well as information with the masses. I feel very blessed but I know I'm not special in that way - we are ALL blessed. We simply have to stop trying so hard to MAKE things happen and sit still, pray, align with the creator, and ALLOW things to happen. It is the difference between sinking and swimming vs. sailing.

God is in charge, and the angels remind us that God is our deepest truth - the creative force that breathes life into us in each moment. God is the loving intelligence that sustains us, guides us, expresses through us. God is the light and information that make up quantum field, universal mind, or whatever terms we choose to use. To surrender to God is to surrender to the deepest truth of who we are. To surrender to God is to live in harmony with the universe rather than fighting it. To surrender to God is the path of least resistance. The God I speak of is not the grandpa-in-the-sky figure many of us grew up with, but rather the intelligence, love, and creative force in the universe.

It does take intention to align with God, then trust, patience, and surrender to each moment's guidance in the heart. It does take faith and you can pray to have this faith. It does take a willingness to embrace nothingness at times, and a lot of work at other times, but the struggles go away. There is always effort but not the kind that frustrates the spirit.

If you pray and intend to be in alignment with God it is like plugging yourself into a giant internet in which there are broadcasts sent specifically to you, guiding you, inspiring you, and helping you find your way. We are all part of something so much bigger and we are all directed by the love that creates us in each moment.

I appreciate all the love and support that you have poured my way this week and continue to keep you all in my prayers as well.

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