Friday, October 19, 2007

Watching the Grass Grow...

I was watching the grass grow this week... truly. In Arizona we overseed our lawns with "winter rye" grass. Unlike the coarse and crunchy summer grass, this grass is vibrantly green and soft. I look forward to the new carpet of lawn every winter. As soon as the seeds are planted I count the days and wait patiently for the first little green shoots. I celebrate when they come up. Day four, day five, day six... oh here they are! And then all of the sudden they burst forth into a beautiful furry little lawn that looks so happy!

That was me recently. I felt like I have been pushing through the soil to finish and publish the autobiography I wrote 11 years ago. I've been cranky with my angels, busy finding all sorts of excuses to distract myself when working on it, and dragging my heels every step of the way. I REALLY wanted to finish up the next proof copy yesterday so I prayed for assistance to get inspired and get it finished.

In answer to my prayer, Archangel Michael appeared to me and asked if I wanted to know what I was experiencing. "Yes please!!!" I asked him. "You are going to expose the sides of yourself you weren't so proud of," he said. "You feel vulnerable... and those pieces of you from the past are getting defensive!" "Is that ALL?" I asked. "That's it," he answered. I felt SO relieved! I didn't know why I was in such a bad mood this week, and everything he said rang true.

There ARE parts of who I used to be that I am not proud of. I was an angry, arrogant, self-righteous young woman before God started shoving me through the dirt and towards the light. And those parts of me were getting all upset about me-now exposing them and sharing them with the world. It was like having a mutiny where the present-version of Ann was being overthrown by all the past-selves!! I took charge once again and determined to finish the book.

"Well?" Michael looked at me to make sure I understood. "You're right!" I practically kissed him. As soon as I see a little light, I'm like that grass that starts to leap the light of God. That was it! Past parts of me were just afraid! Thus a book that has sat on the shelf for 11 years and probably could have helped a lot of people be kinder to themselves sooner is finally going to be published in a few weeks, God willing (and if I got the cover right!)

And guess what. I'm out of the dark and into the light again, happy, feeling grateful, and glad to be the ME I am in 2007 once again. The learning never ends!