Sunday, March 18, 2007

Honoring self is not selfish

It took me years to really learn that honoring myself is not selfish. I used to feel as if I were so blessed, it wasn't ok to ask for more.

And then one day the angels said to me, "Ann, the acorn is perfect unto itself and yet it yearns to be an oak. The oak is perfect and yet it yearns to produce acorns. The acorns on the tree are perfect and yet they yearn to fall back into the earth, and so on and so forth. Life occurs in never ending cycles of transformation and to admit you want more is to admit you are growing, changing, transforming, and in a constant act of creation. Be grateful for what you have now, and you are, but do not deny the desires for change." They have since said this in readings time and again.

It is our nature to change. When we were young we wanted to go to school. And then we wanted summer vacation. We wanted to be independent and then we wanted to be taken care of. We wanted to be in relationships and then some of us wanted to be on our own again. Some of you yearned for children and later yearned to see them safely out of the home. You will always grow and change. Your needs and desires will shift as you do. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you at all! You are simply moving with the movement of God as it flows through your own heart.

When I feel a deep soul level desire for something now, I own it, acknowledge it, pray for it, and release it to the universe, waiting for further instructions.

I told the universe late last year that I want to learn how to do 'miracles' with energy - more powerful healing, moving objects, etc. I am just simply drawn to these practices, because, like Emily Dickinson once said, I like to "dwell in possibility." I believe we are capable of so much more and want to prove to myself that we are all capable of these things - even me with my stubborn analytical mind!!

Lo and behold a week later, my friend Marla Steele - an awesome pet psychic & healer - contacted me and told me about a Matrix Energetics seminar. I attended one in December, another one last weekend, and loved it. Dr. Richard Bartlett who teaches Matrix does the so-called miraculous - healing people instantly and powerfully. I experienced his work first hand.

I signed up to do practitioner certification and immediately began to grow again. It momentarily felt selfish to commit so much time and money to something that I don't 'need' but rather just 'want' to do. It will mean less time for my books, etc. in the next few months and a major commitment of time and some money. It is highly impractical right now and yet.. I want it so badly God will help me manage my time and pay the bills, and this I know from experience. It will all fall into place because it comes from the depths of my heart and God supports that.

When you want something and you allow yourself to pray for it, feel it, and have it, in the receiving there will also be an ability to give back - whether it be through helping and assisting others, inspiring them, sharing resources, or what have you. So dare to dream, dare to pray for what you really want, dive in and let go of trying to control how it all works out. Then have a miraculous week!